Mama Dracula

What a bomb! Another example of how trying too hard to be camp just doesn't work. If you can imagine a bunch of stoners trying to make "The Three Stooges meet Countess Dracula" and loading it with bare-breasted women you may get an idea of what this is like. Unfortunately the many pairs of boobs make it unfit for 5-10 year old boys who would otherwise be the best audience for this. One pair of boobs just right for the little boys would be the idiot twin sons of the Countess who do a rather intriguing mirroring-each-other pantomime, getting out of bed and starting their morning ablutions. But mostly they're just two stooges in black capes and bad "Transylwanian" accents.

Louise Fletcher manages to glide over this morass, ever elegant and charismatic. Watching her shine so magnificently over the ordure that is the rest of it is rather amazing to see, and the fashion show in the last 15 minutes has some fun costumes. Maria Schneider just looks like she's waiting to get paid. One hopes that she and Ms. Fletcher were getting plenty. Given the production values, either their pay ate up the entire budget, or they were blackmailed into this disaster.

This may rival "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" for worst vampflick ever, but at least "JC" was clearly an amateur production. There is no excuse for this abysmal waste of time.

And no, it is not even Ed-Wood-so-bad-it's-good. Ed Wood, bless his soul, took his work seriously enough to give it a quirky charm. Even "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" was compellingly weird in its gawd-awfulness. I like quirky bad movies, but this was just pointlessly vacuous.

Poor, poor Louise... I'm sure she's done her best to forget this trainwreck, and so shall I!

Louise Fletcher is Mama Dracula. Actually Elizabeth Bathory the long ago wicked queen who bathed in the blood of virgins to remain young. Here she's re-imagined as a vampire in modern day trying to deal with the dwindling number of virgins.

Its strange off beat films like this that kill many an award winning actor's and actress's career. Nominally a comedy this is a strange little film that is humorous but never laugh out loud funny. The plot careens along in odd directions and can be somewhat disjointed. Its the type of movie you watch and wonder why anyone thought to make since its neither good nor bad, it just sort of is. Clearly there was something in in the mix that made Ms Fletcher take the role, though it might have been only money.

Frankly this is a hard film to describe. worse its a hard film to remember, partly doing to its disjointed nature and partly due to the the film not being worth remembering. Is it worth seeing? not if you have to search it out. If it falls in your lap, I ran across it as part of a multi movie set, it might be worth trying, assuming you have something else to go to if it doesn't catch your fancy.

Unless the comic idea of heavy mid-European accents (mostly pronouncing the letter "v" as "w" and vice versa - "wampire" instead of "vampire", "vant" instead of "want", etc.) strikes you as hilarious, avoid this utterly awful "comedy" - it's the best idea that it has to offer! The script sucks harder than any vampire ever could. It's hard to decide who's more annoying - the nerdy scientist or the vampire brothers? (the brothers probably win). Maria Schneider is also in this, and it's easy to see why she's been described elsewhere as a "non-actress" - she doesn't even try to act. At least Louise Fletcher manages to keep her dignity (the makeup artists have done a marvelous job on her). A few beautifully natural breasts get bared, but I still cannot give this anything higher than 0.5 out of 4 stars.

Mama Dracula (1980)

BOMB (out of 4)

Oscar winner Louise Fletcher (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) and Oscar nominee Maria Schneider (Last Tango in Paris) star in this Belgian horror/comedy that has to be one of the worst films ever made. In a mixture of the Dracula and Elizabeth Bathory stories, Fletcher plays a female Dracula who needs to take a bath in the blood of virgins in order to live. Her two gay sons own a clothing store that keeps them supplied but it's getting harder and harder to find virgins in today's times. Man, oh man what a horrible film this one turned out to be. This was a minor holy grail to me as I've been wanting to see it for ages just to see if it was really as bad as the reputation that goes with it. It's every bit as bad and I'd say it's even worse than any of the reviews I've read for it. I'm really not sure what the hell they were going for or how they got Fletcher to star in this but the movie is a complete misfire from the opening scenes to the very last. There's plenty of slapstick and silly situations but I didn't laugh a single time nor did I ever crack a smile. The story makes very little sense and it appears that the screenwriter was a drunk because the movie jumps all over the place so much that you can't help but wonder what they're trying to do. As for Fletcher, believe it or not she comes off fairly well and never embarrasses herself too much. She's seems to be playing everything straight as if the producer's didn't tell her this was a spoof. Maria Schneider, like the rest of the cast, comes off horrible. The "wirgins" gag from Blood for Dracula is ripped off here but that doesn't even get a laugh here. There's plenty of naked women but not even that can save this turkey.

Embarassing vampire satire with Fletcher sucking the life out of her career.