Hog Wild

This is how I resume this movie...

Tell a washed-up story told many times and make it a bad script...

Put some cardboard signs over french signs or copyrighted products to pass Montreal for an American City...

Hire some second rate American actors to play the lead roles...

Shoot this on bad quality film and equipment...

Dub it in the worst Parisian French (yes, dubbed in Paris !) to show it to the French Canadian movie market (don't forget, this is Canadian even if the action's in the States, eh ? Bilingual country, isn't it eh ?)

And voila, a turkey made for order. Watch it once, get bored, forget it !

Hog Wild has Michael Biehn as an All American screw up who gets tossed out of military school being at the wrong place wrong time. It's all quite disappointing to his father who's a blithering idiot but that's beside the point.

He's got to go to public high school somewhere in red state USA where a biker gang headed by Tony Rosato runs the school. Sometimes one steps reluctantly into the role of hero. But when you have the inducement of biker chick Patti D'Arbanville to win, Biehn shows the right stuff.

This gang was about as frightening as the bunch that Harvey Lembeck led in those Beach Party films. Must be their children.

This one is really dumb. Don't waste your time.

Okay it's not Revenge of the Nerds, Clint Eastwood's biker gang, or The Goonies. But it does have redeeming moments. Less than a screwball comedy. More like dry. But at least the lead players are good.

Everyone loved 'The Bull' (Tony Rosato). Who kind of reminds you of Bobcat Goldwaite with his notorious mumbling of lines. But in a far less comical manner. Bean is the Esai Morales, second-in-command tough guy 'interpreting' for The Bull. And Patti D'Arbanville shines here, as Bull's woman. Who soon grows bored with his childish antics, and falls for the nice guy. Played of course, by a very young film (and TV) veteran Michael Biehn, of 'The Magnificent Seven', 'Terminator', 'Tombstone' and other box office hits. Booted from military school, back to his hometown. Which has gone overrun by biker gang misfits. Falling for their head girl (D'Arbanville).

The script falls short in some places. But is otherwise, a decent movie night entertainment.

Let me be straight up front with this. You won't go as the title suggests. It's rambunctious fun, in a slightly dry film, with Biehn booted out of military school, returning to his hometown, to find it overrun by a group of biker misfits, the head honcho, Rosato, who only speaks in jargon, he needs a translator. That's the amusing content of the film. Naturally Biehn falls for the head biker's girl (D'Arbanville) and there's a nice little scene in the hot tub with the two. This weak comedy kind of verges on serious as to the futile, unimpressive, and childish exploits of this d.. head motorcycle gang, perhaps the dumbest, you'll ever see, captured. Not without interest, but this is that first film, starting block, that actors want to put behind 'em. Just ask Biehn, and he'd tell ya. Try to explain, the last frame with Rosato, who expertly flips a cigarette. Weak. Nice befitting music score opening.

I would advise skipping this one. It's a teenage comedy without a laugh to be had with the two leads Angie (Patti D'Arbanville) and Tim (Michael Beihn) having less then zero percent chemistry. There is running joke with the head of the abusive biker gang Bull (Tony Rosado) constantly mumbling while his side kick Bean (Anjelo Rizacos) translates for him which becomes annoying within the first ten minutes.

The bikers shame the nerds until they finally fight back and then there is the motorcycle race at the end. I felt violated waiting for this dog to present one funny moment and it may have been the worst comedy of the 1980's. I like "B" movies but not this one what a bummer it is. Liberal Whackadoodle Stephanie Miller has a bit part and was quite beautiful circa 1980 I must say. The only reason it gets a two star is because of the cool dirt bike stunt riding scenes during the race. Don't do it and if you do don't blame me I tried to warn you.