Can't Stop the Music

This is the best bad movie of all time. Ofcourse that means Steve Guttenberg and disco music are in it. I saw this once, ten years ago and will never ever forget it. The construction worker of the Village People does a musical number about milk. The film was directed by the late Nancy Walker of "quicker picker upper" fame. Bruce Jenner stars. The bizzarre factoids surrounding this film never quit. Whoever can watch this and not repeatedly laugh out loud needs to check their pulse. I fear my compulsion to buy the dvd. God help me, the howling indian. Classic badness.

There is no doubt this film is a joy to watch. The reasons for this may vary from viewer to viewer, but chief among them for me is the sheer, exuberant awfulness of it. How could you not enjoy seeing Bruce Jenner metamorphose from button-down business type to overage crop-topped de-facto podium dancer? And him apparently unaware of how odd he looks in it? Any film that has a gravel-voiced Tammy Grimes poncing around in outfits rejected by Phyllis Diller as being too much can't be all bad. Among so many highlights - the 'I Love You To Death' sequence, where David Hodo understandably runs away from a bevy of carnivorous performance artists in red satin pillowcases (which raises the point: how come no-one on-screen mentions the word 'gay' when everything everyone does all the time in this film screams the word? Take for instance the walrus-moustached Village Person who, white-knuckled before the Big Show whimpers 'Leathermen don't get nervous', eliciting the catty aside from passing Construction Worker 'Oh yes they do'). Steve Guttenberg recovered from this false start to make the seminal Police Academy saga, and the Village People did what they do best for a few more years. A smash hit in Australia (and, I think, Iceland), this overlooked film deserves a reappraisal.

I'm a regular customer of a local movie theater that shows old films, and six years ago they screened Can't Stop the Music - I went to see it, and found it an absolute hoot in campy humor! No-holds-barred, super-fast direction, flashy sets and special effects, glitzy musical numbers (the YMCA scene is awe-inducing!) and actors that really looked like they had a lot of fun cooking the whole thing up! It was the best cinematic experience I ever had. Never once did I glance at my watch, which for me is rather amazing. After gobbling up the whole enchilada, I started wishing I could find a copy of it somewhere. Alas, I still haven't.

A few months ago, the same theater showed the film again. I usually don't see a movie twice in a theater, but my memory needed refreshment, and my soul some cheering up. I went, and had just as much fun as I did the first time.

What's most amazing about CSTM is that although the director (whom I recognize as the deaf-and-dumb maid in the equally enjoyable Murder By Death) makes the actors rush through their lines and behave like over-energized hyperactive brats, and narrates the story so fast there's not even time to develop moments of crisis that last longer than a few seconds, the movie actually clocks in at two hours! Be grateful to the director and the screenwriters - a third hour would just have been asking too much of the audience.

CSTM contains some of the most pointless attempts at comedy I've ever seen, and probably ever will see (Bobo Lewis's bread woman - um, huh??), and the only clever line I found was uttered by Perrine when she says bye to Paul Sand's Steve the Record Producer - it's made up almost entirely of song titles. But the actors' eagerness makes up for the lame humor, and salvages even the scenes where Jenner has to make a complete fool of himself (the trouser incident and everything that follows).

I fear that if I ever find CSTM on video or DVD, the small screen will terribly banalize the film, but I won't care. But all you out there - watch the film on the big screen if you get the chance!

How many times have they examined, reconfigured and grumbled at Allan Carr's Can't Stop the Music? I have often wondered this because let's face it, if indeed this is one of the best bad movies ever made, then, let me go on record as saying that of the three classic disco movies of the early 80s --- the other two being Xanadu and Thank God It's Friday --- this one, directed by the Bounty lady herself, Nancy Walker --- holds up against the ravages of time because of its basic premise: it is nothing less than the story, as presented through songs and film fantasy, of the origins of the Village People. Particularly, the prime mover of the saga (indeed, its true hero) is Jack Morell, played by Steve Gutenberg. This one-time record store cashier is in love with beautiful, retired fashion model Samantha Simmons, played by Valerie Perrine. Eventually, Sam gets her heart stolen by attorney Ron White, played by Bruce Jenner. It is the odyssey of Jack, Sam and Ron to bring together six men from the diverse subcultures comprising Lower Manhattan's Greenwich Village to form an unusual singing group called the Village People. Before long, their adventure culminates in the Vilage People's first-ever live concert performance, in San Francisco. How is it, I wonder, that after 21 years we still think of this particular film as the ultimate nail in the coffin of Disco? Frankly, I would like to see this film done proper widescreen justice on AMC. And as some of you, my two most favorite moments in the film are here: the re-mixed "YMCA" and the always awesome "Milkshake." Milkshake is especially tattooed in my brain because it was the last major original song written and produced by the Village People's founding threesome: Jacques Morali, Henri Belolo and Victor Willis. Jacques having long since died of AIDS, and Allan Carr himself having succumbed to prostate cancer, we will never know how much of the magic of Can't Stop is, and yet is not, the accepted truth. One thing's for sure: Can't Stop the Music is the last great effort by six awesome guys to make disco the safest music on the Planet. Well, that's my salute to Can't Stop the Music. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go do the Shake (do the Shake), do the Shaaaaaaake (do the Shake), do the Milkshake, the Milkshake (do the Shake)!

I urge everyone to buy a bottle of booze and see this movie immediately.

If only for the Construction Worker's song "I love you to death" in which girls ride atop giant pistons and sprinkle glitter all over his jeans. Or maybe the Leatherman's rousing version of "Danny Boy" atop a table in a Board Room. Or, maybe the gigantic musical busby berkley dance numbers with added "onion skin" rainbow graphics of naked men jumping into swimming pools. Or, maybe the worlds most bizarre milk commercial starring the Village People singing about how a milkshake goes with your sandwich too.

Be warned though, the songs are kind of decent. Maybe even better than decent. And theres a great performance by the otherwise mediocre Ritchie Family. Seriously, i love this movie. Everyone i have shown it to has remembered it, and maybe hates me for it. But its definitely an original.