Phantom Kommando

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the embodiment of 80s-90s muscle-man action cinema, an era we can now look back on with nostalgia, mostly for its unabashed mixture of macho ultra violence and out-of-control kitsch. It's interesting to note that the Austrian Titan's first great commercial disappointment - Last Action Hero - was a parody of the genre he dominated. How do you parody parody itself? The man's best films, the first two Terminator films and Predator, rise above that, but most of his work is inches from being one big spoof.

While you can't parody the genre outright, you can take it to its extreme, and I'm not sure what Commando is or who it was meant for, but that's what it does. Schwarzenegger's John Matrix (a typical Austrian name, that) lives a life of mono parental bliss with daughter Jennie (or, as he calls Alyssa Milano, "Tchainee") until she is kidnapped and he is forced to throw all his retired killing machine skills into saving her.

We can run through the ingredients, it's actually worth it for once: - Body fascination. The film never hesitates to glory on Schwarzenegger's body, and while he isn't showing off with impossible feats (carrying a tree or busy phone booth) he just sits there, bare-chested, for the camera. - Homo-erotic subtext. If it's that in-your-face, it can't really be subtext. Beside the fact that this is probably an affront to gays everywhere, the tension between Ahnuld and main villain Bennett would be interesting if it weren't for... well... Bennett himself. I'd describe the world's most ill-conceived blockbuster villain for you, but I'd rather not ruin the surprise. Just youtube "Last Fight Scene - Matrix vs Bennett". - Gratuitous violence. Not much blood here, but every bullet that grazes the floor creates its own explosion. And the stunt-work reaches miraculous levels of retardation. - "Clever" One-liners. If that's your thing, you're in for a real treat. - Outrageous music: oh boy, you can't imagine... - Sexy but severely underused damsel in distress. Underused? We wish. Sexy, not quite.

It's hard to even rate this film. It makes for a delirious group viewing experience, but then again, nobody could ever honestly call it a good a film. And unlike True Lies, another very silly film, this hasn't aged gracefully at all, hence much of its "charm" is down to nostalgia. It's the only way to forgive the film's confounding technical ineptitude (the number of goofs and continuity disasters sets a record).

You have to see it to believe it. Then again, maybe not. Just check out the wildest bits and watch Predator instead.

Thank you YouTube!

Solidly entertaining, over the top, comic book style spectacle giving superstar Arnold Schwarzenegger the perfect opportunity to play action hero with more levity than usual. Screenwriter Steven E. de Souza injects lots of wit and memorable one liners into the mix while director Mark L. Lester serves up the assorted action scenes with great relish. Granted, it's absolutely pure nonsense, but irresistible on that level.

Arnold plays John Matrix, retired soldier who's forced back into action when a vengeance minded former dictator (Dan Hedaya) wants him to murder a sitting president and kidnaps Matrix's daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano) in order to make him do it. Fortunately, Matrix manages to slip away from the bad guys, and acquires some unlikely help in the form of feisty stewardess Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong), while the clock is ticking the entire time.

"Commando" is appreciably unpretentious stuff that knows what it has to do and does it in style. We get to see Arnold, among other things, rip a phone booth out of a wall, dangle a man over the edge of a cliff with one hand, swing from the roof of a mall using balloons, tear a seat out of a car, eat a Green Beret for breakfast (he's VERY hungry, don't you know?), go on an early morning shopping trip at the local surplus store, lug an enormous log around, get a face full of ice cream, drop from a plane into a swamp, and feed a deer. Now, who can read that and pass this up? "Commando" is tons of fun provided the prospective viewer is ready to suspend every bit of their disbelief. The movie just rockets forward with no filler to slow it down, taking place within a limited amount of time, and keeping up an amazing energy level.

Arnold, for the first time here, got to show that he did indeed have a sense of humour about what he did, and is very easy to watch, with a great supporting cast - also including Vernon Wells, as one of the most priceless villains to ever grace the action genre, James Olson, David Patrick Kelly, and Bill Duke, with bit appearances by the likes of Bob Minor, Chelsea Field, Branscombe Richmond, and Bill Paxton. James Horner's music score is awfully familiar, but it does help drive the movie forward, and there are some beautiful moments of extreme violence - including scalping by saw blade and an arm chopped off - to give the presentation some real punch.

Check your brain at the door and you can have a really good time with this one, or in other words, let off some steam.

Eight out of 10.

It was like yesterday (well, sort of!) when I watched "Commando" at a movie theater! And that was 3 decades ago. I checked it again today because of some reason and I am amazed because of how less silly it looks to me now.

It's a classic. No doubt about that. And it's pure fun. Violent-ish of course but with great tongue-in-cheek humor delivered by one of the most charismatic actors ever.

If you have missed it before go watch it (with a pinch of salt

of course)! A fun way to pass one hour and a half!

• Remember when I promised to kill you last?

• I lied!

Commando is directed by Mark L. Lester and written by Jeph Loeb, Matthew Weisman and Steven E. de Souza. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong, Dan Hedaya, Vernon Wells, James Olson, David Patrick Kelly, Alyssa Milano and Bill Duke. Music is by James Horner and cinematography by Matthew F. Leonetti.

John Matrix (Schwarzenegger) is the former leader of a special commando strike force that always got the toughest jobs done. He is forced back into action when his young daughter (Milano) is kidnapped by kingpin criminal Arius (Hedaya) and his gang of thugs. They want Matrix to carry out an assassination, but all Matrix has on his mind is to save his daughter - he has half a day to do so before the thugs will kill her - so it's now a private war...

After playing "Conan" and "The Terminator", Schwarzenegger slipped into a role that would prove to carry all the hallmarks of the big man's action movie career. Commando is awash with outrageous action, pure carnage and gruesome deaths, plenty of quippy one liners, and of course over the top villains.

Clocking in at just 90 minutes in length, it's the perfect "leave the brain at the door" popcorn crowd pleaser. Chong gets a well written lead lady part, giving us a spunky heroine who evolves as the plot grows ever more chaotic, and young Milano gets to play a resourceful child character.

High art it is not, but who cares if you want to just watch Arnie waylay a whole army on his own. Great fun. 7/10

The retired Special Forces Colonel John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) lives a calm life with his beloved daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano) in an isolated house in the woods of a mountain. One day, his mentor Major General Franklin Kirby (James Olson) visits him and tells that the men he had trained for his unit are being killed and he leaves two soldiers to protect Matrix. However the helicopter of General Kirby has been followed by hit men that abduct Jenny and Matrix. Soon Matrix learns that Bennett (Vernon Wells) that belonged to his unit and was presumed dead is the responsible for attack to his house. Further, Bennett was hired by Arius (Dan Hedaya), a former president of a South American country that Matrix had overthrown. Now Arius wants Matrix to assassinate the president of his country in order to assume the position again otherwise he will kill Jenny. Matrix is forced to embark in a flight to the country with one of Bennett's thug while another one, Sully (David Patrick Kelly), will confirm that Matrix is in the flight. However Matrix manages to kill the thug and leave the plane and has eleven hours to save Jenny. He convinces the flight attendant Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong) to help him to save his daughter.

"Commando" is another great action movie from the 80's, maybe the best decade in the cinema history for this genre. The screenplay has non-stop action and funny and unforgettable moments. My favorite is when John Matrix tells to Sully that he likes him and he will be the last one to die. Soon he corrects, saying "I lied". I did not recognized Alyssa Milano, from "Charmed", in her second role as Jenny. My vote is seven.

Title (Brazil): "Comando Para Matar" ("Commando to Kill")