Phantom Kommando

Solidly entertaining, over the top, comic book style spectacle giving superstar Arnold Schwarzenegger the perfect opportunity to play action hero with more levity than usual. Screenwriter Steven E. de Souza injects lots of wit and memorable one liners into the mix while director Mark L. Lester serves up the assorted action scenes with great relish. Granted, it's absolutely pure nonsense, but irresistible on that level.

Arnold plays John Matrix, retired soldier who's forced back into action when a vengeance minded former dictator (Dan Hedaya) wants him to murder a sitting president and kidnaps Matrix's daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano) in order to make him do it. Fortunately, Matrix manages to slip away from the bad guys, and acquires some unlikely help in the form of feisty stewardess Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong), while the clock is ticking the entire time.

"Commando" is appreciably unpretentious stuff that knows what it has to do and does it in style. We get to see Arnold, among other things, rip a phone booth out of a wall, dangle a man over the edge of a cliff with one hand, swing from the roof of a mall using balloons, tear a seat out of a car, eat a Green Beret for breakfast (he's VERY hungry, don't you know?), go on an early morning shopping trip at the local surplus store, lug an enormous log around, get a face full of ice cream, drop from a plane into a swamp, and feed a deer. Now, who can read that and pass this up? "Commando" is tons of fun provided the prospective viewer is ready to suspend every bit of their disbelief. The movie just rockets forward with no filler to slow it down, taking place within a limited amount of time, and keeping up an amazing energy level.

Arnold, for the first time here, got to show that he did indeed have a sense of humour about what he did, and is very easy to watch, with a great supporting cast - also including Vernon Wells, as one of the most priceless villains to ever grace the action genre, James Olson, David Patrick Kelly, and Bill Duke, with bit appearances by the likes of Bob Minor, Chelsea Field, Branscombe Richmond, and Bill Paxton. James Horner's music score is awfully familiar, but it does help drive the movie forward, and there are some beautiful moments of extreme violence - including scalping by saw blade and an arm chopped off - to give the presentation some real punch.

Check your brain at the door and you can have a really good time with this one, or in other words, let off some steam.

Eight out of 10.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the embodiment of 80s-90s muscle-man action cinema, an era we can now look back on with nostalgia, mostly for its unabashed mixture of macho ultra violence and out-of-control kitsch. It's interesting to note that the Austrian Titan's first great commercial disappointment - Last Action Hero - was a parody of the genre he dominated. How do you parody parody itself? The man's best films, the first two Terminator films and Predator, rise above that, but most of his work is inches from being one big spoof.

While you can't parody the genre outright, you can take it to its extreme, and I'm not sure what Commando is or who it was meant for, but that's what it does. Schwarzenegger's John Matrix (a typical Austrian name, that) lives a life of mono parental bliss with daughter Jennie (or, as he calls Alyssa Milano, "Tchainee") until she is kidnapped and he is forced to throw all his retired killing machine skills into saving her.

We can run through the ingredients, it's actually worth it for once: - Body fascination. The film never hesitates to glory on Schwarzenegger's body, and while he isn't showing off with impossible feats (carrying a tree or busy phone booth) he just sits there, bare-chested, for the camera. - Homo-erotic subtext. If it's that in-your-face, it can't really be subtext. Beside the fact that this is probably an affront to gays everywhere, the tension between Ahnuld and main villain Bennett would be interesting if it weren't for... well... Bennett himself. I'd describe the world's most ill-conceived blockbuster villain for you, but I'd rather not ruin the surprise. Just youtube "Last Fight Scene - Matrix vs Bennett". - Gratuitous violence. Not much blood here, but every bullet that grazes the floor creates its own explosion. And the stunt-work reaches miraculous levels of retardation. - "Clever" One-liners. If that's your thing, you're in for a real treat. - Outrageous music: oh boy, you can't imagine... - Sexy but severely underused damsel in distress. Underused? We wish. Sexy, not quite.

It's hard to even rate this film. It makes for a delirious group viewing experience, but then again, nobody could ever honestly call it a good a film. And unlike True Lies, another very silly film, this hasn't aged gracefully at all, hence much of its "charm" is down to nostalgia. It's the only way to forgive the film's confounding technical ineptitude (the number of goofs and continuity disasters sets a record).

You have to see it to believe it. Then again, maybe not. Just check out the wildest bits and watch Predator instead.

Thank you YouTube!

'Commando (1985)' is slightly camp, a bit cheesy and ever so slightly sub-par and it knows it. This action flick aims solely for that 'turn-your-brain-off' guilty pleasure crowd and hits its mark dead-on. It's hard to watch without a smile on your face. Though it is silly - even stupid at times - and incredibly over-the-top, it is also ostentatious, or just toeing that line, which means you can laugh with the picture rather than at it. You do get the undeniable sense that a cringe-worthy one-liner combined with an outlandish, infinite-ammo action-sequence is just kind of awesome. 6/10.

John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) was an elite special op who is now retired living in his mountain home with his daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano). His men are getting killed one by one. One of his former group Bennett (Vernon Wells) joins warlord Arius (Dan Hedaya) to start a coup in his home country. They kidnap Jenny to force John Matrix to fly down to that country to assassinate the president. However he escapes from the flight to track down Jenny with the help of Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong) who he grabs at the airport.

The best thing about this movie is that it doesn't take its time to get started. The action gets going right away. The bad guy has barely gotten one line out about his kidnapped daughter before he gets a bullet in his head. It's all action from Schwarzenegger. There is no negotiations. He delivers some delicious one-liners. The most memorable is "Remember Sully when I promised to kill you last? I lied!!". And who could forget the Jamaican steel drum music. It's just a fun movie.

Rating: *** 1/2 out of ****

Every time I'm accused by friends of being too tough or too picky on action movies made for pure entertainment (i.e. the works of Jerry Bruckheimer), I point back and tell them to look no further than Mark L. Lester's Commando as the prime example of a pure macho classic and the standard by which all mindless action cinema should be judged.

In its own simplistic ways, Commando is actually the epitome of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Whenever we think of the Austrian muscle-bound star's films; gun battles, fist fights, deadpan one-liners, a total lack of plot, and a ridiculously high body count come to mind. Commando represents all this, directed with high energy flair and a great sense of fun.

Schwarzenegger stars as John Matrix, a former commando who lives in the mountains with his young daughter (Alyssa Milano). Matrix's former teammates are being knocked off one-by-one at the orders of a Latino dictator (Dan Hedaya) who wants Matrix to assassinate a popular South American leader so that he can be instilled back in power. As incentive, Matrix's daughter is kidnapped by renegade military, led by Bennett (Vernon Wells), who was once part of Matrix's team. As soon as Matrix boards his flight, he kills his escort, leaps off the plane, and begins his eleven-hour search for his daughter. Inexplicably joining his search is a flight attendant (Rae Dawn Chong) who gets mixed up in this whole mess.

Commando is one of those critically berated movies that only concerns itself with giving its target audience a good time. Running at a lightning fast ninety minutes, the film is packed to the gunnels with explosive action sequences and quotable one-liners. In fact, the lines are so fun, I have a hard time choosing my favorites. Here are a few examples: "I eat green berets for breakfast and I'm very hungry,""Remember when I said I'd kill you last? I lied," and "Let off some steam, Bennett!"

The script is mindless and idiotic, but serves its purpose by providing just enough plot and enormously entertaining one-liners to keep the momentum from ebbing. There are also plenty of noticeable continuity errors (ask yourself how a guy standing behind a railing atop a balcony could be hit with shotgun pellets without the railing taking the slightest bit of damage!), but that just adds to the movie's list of unique charms.

But you don't watch Commando for plot or technical brilliance, you watch it to see Arnold acting as a one-man army, mowing down scores of enemy thugs and soldiers. Whether it's through the movie's various shootouts, fistfights, or chases, the movie delivers thrilling action one scene after another. The climactic battle sequence, in which he single-handedly takes on at least a hundred men, will either make or break the film for you. Me, I had a blast watching Arnold inflict his brand of justice upon these nasty villains. Unless you don't like Arnold or over-the-top action films, it's unlikely you'll find Commando boring.

Schwarzenegger's charismatic and hugely likable screen presence is undeniable, and his delivery of those classic one-liners is perfect. Luckily, the movie has an equally strong villain in Vernon Wells, who delights in chewing the scenery and generally acting as insane as possible in any given situation. From his manic facial expressions to his questionable tastes in clothing, Wells makes Bennett one of the few villains that really stand out in an Arnold flick. You know the movie's going to boil down to a one-on-one fight between the two, and it's one of those fight scenes where each one takes his turn beating the crud out of the other without one ever truly having the upper hand until the very end (when, obviously, one of them's got to be dead).

For pure mindless mayhem, Commando is a perfect choice for Saturday night entertainment. I first saw the film on its network broadcast premiere, and distinctly remember that in the scene where Arnold hides in the garden house (which is the film's goriest part), the movie is edited in such a way that it appears only one man approaches the house instead of six!