Der Schrecken der London Bridge

I began watching this as a joke, but actually found it mildly enjoyable, like a more-bloody, supernatural-ish Murder She Wrote episode. Hoff is Hoff, with all that entails, but most of the other leads give competent performances, and I appreciated that Clu Gulager's role wasn't as one-note as you would expect. Stephanie Kramer is solid as Hoff's romantic object, and while I'm sure some fans would have preferred a more sexy turn from Adrian Barbeau, she's likeable as the town librarian. Yes it's a silly bit of made-for-TV nonsense, but I found it a less than terrible thing to have running in the background during a quiet spring afternoon. :)

If you are into horror, you always have to remain open-minded towards flamboyant premises and plot descriptions that instantly seem like a terribly bad idea. Otherwise, you are guaranteed to miss out on fantastically absurd movies like "Terror at London Bridge". How imaginative is this? The one and only Jack the Ripper - from Whitechapel in London, England - reincarnates in a small town in Arizona, USA, simply because the town rebuilt the original Thames Bridge where the most notorious serial killer in history allegedly died. Good old Jackie Boy cheerfully picks up his one-hundred-year-old habits and starts slicing the throats of local ladies.

Now, as silly as it sounds, I nevertheless reckon that "Terror at London Bridge" was quite a prestigious and successful production around the time of its release, especially for a TV-movie. The Jack the Ripper character always works in horror film, and there even was a whole hype and revival due to the 100th anniversary of the 1888 Whitechapel killings. Lead actor David Hasselhoff was hotter than butter on popcorn in 1985, since the film came right in between of "Knight Rider" and "Baywatch". Despite the slightly - just slightly, mind you - implausible plot, the film has a handful of tense moments and the murders are above-average gruesome for a TV-film. The Hoff receives good support from a couple of familiar faces, including Clu Gulager, Lane Smith and the ravishing Adrienne Barbeau.

Terror at London Bridge (1985)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Silly made-for-TV flick starts off in 1888 as Jack the Ripper has just killed another woman and takes off running. He only makes it to the London Bridge where he is shot, falls over the side and takes one of the stones with him. Flash-forward to 1985 and Lake Havasu City, AZ where the bridge is now located. It's a special day as that one, long-lost piece of the bridge has been found and returned to its place. Soon murdered women start turning up and a detective (David Hasselhoff) begins to think that the spirit of Jack the Ripper has returned. There's way too much attempted plot in this rather horrid flick that really insults anyone who is a fan of Jack the Ripper movies. I'm really not sure what the point of this film was but there's no logic that can be found here and the story seems to go off in countless directions. Part of the time it wants to be a serious horror flick and other times it wants to simply show off the body of Hasselhoff who is either shirtless, acting sexy or simply walking around with the buttons of his shirt undone. He certainly tries coming off more as a playboy than a detective and his performance isn't much better. The supporting cast isn't too bad with Clu Gulager (THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD), Adrienne Barbeau (THE FOG) and Lane Smith (MY COUSIN VINNY) having small roles. None of them have much to do but it's fun seeing them. The screenplay is the main problem here as the movie just never paints any type of mystery that one will be excited about and things get off to a bad start and never pick up. By the thirty-minute mark you'll be bored out of your mind and you've still got seventy-minutes to go. The direction by Swackhamer isn't too bad even if it has all those cliché made-for-TV moments.

I bought this little sleep-fest on VHS years ago in a cutout bin and could barely finish watching it. It moves like Molasses in the dead of winter and telegraphs the story line like Marconi on Meth. But, that legendary old bridge still photographs with atmospherics that rival any Hammer horror flick from 20 years earlier! I've walked that bridge and as you lean over those massive stones you can literally sense the history under your feet. Chainsaw mogul Robert McCulloch developed Lake Havasu City AZ after buying 26 square miles of desert for about $75/acre, intending on turning it into an upscale resort and site for a new chainsaw factory. But, to draw people to the middle of nowhere he needed a hook.

When the City Of London announced they were going to auction off the 1831 historic span because it was sinking into the Thames River, McCulloch negotiated long and hard to buy it in 1968 for a stunning $2.4 million and then spent three years dismantling it stone-by-stone for the long journey to his desert oasis. It was carried by ship down through the Panama Canal then carried by trucks to it's final destination. And that bridge is BIG! 928 feet long and 62 feet wide, but each stone was numbered so the span could be reassembled like a gigantic jigsaw puzzle -the bridge is now listed as the world's largest antique. And they did an amazing job! There was even a smallish English "village" complete with costumed employees who hawked Americanized Fish and Chips from quaint little shops. Iconic -and authentic- red cast-iron phone booths and heraldic banners complete the look. I visited it in 1979, and even though most of the current resort wasn't even built yet, it was still a memorable experience.

So: even today that bridge is really something to see -especially in it's present incongruous location. And, YEAH: it's entirely possible that Jack the Ripper himself scuttled across those historic stones!

Hollywood has been exploited Jack the Ripper endlessly, however it was the very first time that our beloved badass crossing the ocean thru a missing stone of London's bridge carried to far of Arizona, it sounds too much preposterous at first glance and undoubtedly it's really is indeed, worst after almost a century after, somehow thru a lady's blood the dreaded killer is back to life making some victims that dare crossing the infamous bridge.

The movie has a fine casting as the leading actor David Hasselhoff at youth time career as detective of police with a bleak past, the gorgeous Adrienne Barbeau that had just a small appearance killed by Jack, also the often villain Lane Smith as powerful politician and the veteran actor Clu Gulager as dour police Chief, upon a lame screenplay where the killer's identity is too soon is unveiled undermining the offering, overall if we forget the mismatches let it see easily, as low-profile story don't expect too much.

Thanks for reading.

Resume:

First watch: 1999 / How many: 2 / Source: TV-Youtube / Rating: 5.25.