Der Monster-Hai

I'm still trying to decide which is the worst "monster in the water movie," this or Jaws 4. If you like having your head squeezed in a vice, this movie is for you. This movie is the Italians entry into the already crowded Jaws rip-off market. Their spin: the creature is an artificially created being that combines the deadly qualities of both a shark and an octopus. It was created by a mad scientist played by an actor who never really got the mad part or the scientist part down. Please notice the super-beefy sheriff deputy try to say his lines with one brain cell working overtime. Also notice the supposed "medical doctor" who looks either like a serial kidnapper or cult leader. After the first ten minutes you won't care how they catch the monster.

I actually saw Devil Fish long before its infamous MST3K showing. The majority of the horrible editing and pacing were actually from some kind of strange censoring in the print that MST used. There's a lot more gore and violence in th eoriginal cut. Now, don't misinterpret that as praise...Devil Fish is crap and I'm utterly blown away that Lamberto Bava ghost-directed this. Mario Bava must've spun in his grave. Granted, Lamberto has done some dumb movies, but Devil Fish is practically not even a movie...just random crap strung together with a bad storyline. The gore of the uncut version made it BARELY watchable, but not by much. It's still a hilarious movie, though, and MST did it right.

Moderate Italian killer-fish saga concerning a genetically created shark-squid thing munching on various extras and the marine biologists who go after it. Not enough excitement to keep things afloat plus some bad continuity (watch for the scene where a fleeing woman is tripped by the creature and her handy axe flies overboard, in the next shot it's a couple of inches away from her...) Not the horrible mess it's been made out to be, but simply boring.

Italians movie-makers love to rip off American movies. All of our movies, and as often as possible.

I'm not stating that as a slur against Italy as a whole, but I would like to further observe that the Italian film industry does itself great harm by allowing travesties like this to go overseas to be seen by the world at large. That's all I'm saying.

And no more grave injury do the Italian people subject themselves to than by not sticking a harsh penalty upon those who made the world watch "Shark rosso nell'oceano" - which is, admittedly, a ripoff of the far-superior "Jaws" (as if you didn't know).

Let's dive into the plot (Get it? Haw-haw...): this huge monstrous swimming thing that looks like a cross between an octopus, a shark and Steven Tyler attacks many innocent Americans (ie: Italians) off the coast of Florida (ie: Italy) and the intrepid, beer-swilling Peter (Sopkiw) sails out with his anorexic, beer-swilling girlfriend and other beer-swilling people whose main purposes are to be eaten by the creature, killed by mysterious forces who want the creature left alone or just stand around and be otherwise useless (and swill beer)...or be the doctor in this film who defibrilates dying patients repeatedly (20, maybe 30 times in a row) without waiting for his paddles to recharge (must be one heck of a good battery there, doc).

Then there's the monster...brother, if you thought the "Jaws" shark was fake, look herein and have your mind changed IMMEDIATELY.

This is a movie that was directed as an afterthought (by a Bava!), edited with an onion chopper, acted by ambulatory (beer-swilling) pieces of driftwood and written by (PRESUMABLY beer-swilling) people who should never ever ever ever be let near a typewriter, movie studio or major city in the world ever again. If this is how the people who made this film think real people act in such a situation, they've obviously made one too many of them zombie movies. Or swilled too much beer.

Need I say this movie is bad? It is: bad like green cottage cheese; bad like a Hawaiian shirt at a formal wedding; bad like the "Bad Theatre" skits Dan Aykroyd used to host on "Saturday Night Live"; bad like Calista Flockhart Weight Gain Tablets - get it? Good.

Mike and the SOL gang slap this beer-drunk beauty upside the head repeatedly and reveal this "horror" film as what it is: horrible. Though, with a certain European charm: it's charming, when watched by a European - preferably a beer-swilling one.

No stars for the waterlogged, dead fish known as "Shark rosso nell'oceano"; six stars for the MST3K version. ...and now, anyone for a beer?

Marine biologists in Florida discover that a monstrous shark-like creature has been behind some recent deaths and seek to solve the problem.

Best known as 'Devil Fish' in America (this film has numerous titles) this rather cheap-looking Jaws take from Italy was directed by none other than Mario Bava Jr and believe me, it's far from his best work! Having said that, Devil Fish is mainly a movie for the schlock or trash horror lovers out there. After all our hero's balls do pop out of his shorts in one low-angle shot!! The film is a bit on the sloppy side as far as story and direction goes. The creature FX aren't bad at times (there's some fairly gory scenes to be had) but over all they are uneven. A decent enough cast and music score does help to redeem the film, even if the cast is dubbed something awful.

For those looking for a good Bava Jr film check out Macabrae (1980) or A Blade in the Dark (1983), but those that enjoy trashy Euro-horror might just like this one.

** out of ****