Der Senkrechtstarter

Rhinestone has been one of those notorious flops I'd always heard about like Glitter or Showgirls that you just had to see to believe. Now that I've seen it, I can safely say that they were right. Unfortunately, Rhinestone isn't some hidden gem that just had the misfortune of bad marketing, cruel reviews, or being ahead of its time - it's truly terrible.

The story has Dolly Parton as a country western singer in NYC who's desperate to get out of a contract she's locked herself into with a sleazy Ron Liebman. In order to do this, they wager a bet that she can't turn a regular Joe off the street into a "rhinestone cowboy." They pick dimwitted cabbie Sylvester Stallone and it becomes apparent that Parton has her work cut out for her.

In typical rom com fashion, Parton and Stallone strike up somewhat of a romance, but the main issue is that they have very little chemistry together. Stallone seems miscast from the get go. He doesn't have a funny or musical bone in this body and most of the film shows Parton struggling to get him to lighten up and it's very uncomfortable to watch. Perhaps if there'd been a different leading man, this would have worked since the concept isn't horrible.

Parton proves again that she's a natural on screen and she's enjoyable even when the film isn't.

I remember RHINESTONE's extremely short tenure in theaters when I was a teenager but never saw the film until it turned up unexpectedly on Country Music Television (CMT) earlier this week. I sat down expecting to laugh AT the movie, not WITH it, because on paper, the idea of Sylvester Stallone learning to become a country singer so that Dolly Parton can win a bet with her sleazy manager sounds like a train wreck of Biblical proportions. But y'know what? In spite of myself I found myself chuckling at the screwball humor in RHINESTONE. Stallone is not exactly known for his comedic stylings, but I have to give him credit, he gave it the old college try in his role as a mumble-mouthed NYC cabbie who tries hard to discover his inner redneck. Dolly Parton, well, she's Dolly Parton. She made quite a few movies in the late 70s and early 80s and though she may not be considered a great actress, she's light, funny, and easy on the eyes as well. Some of the priceless moments include Sly's fringed, sparkly stage wear (which wouldn't have looked out of place in the Blue Oyster Bar of "Police Academy" fame), Dolly punching out Tim Thomerson (Jack Deth would be horrified at how easily she took him out!), and Sly's race through the mean streets of 1984 Times Square on horseback to rescue Dolly from her manager's clutches. On the musical side, well, let's just say I doubt that the soundtrack album to RHINESTONE burned up the charts back in '84. Dolly can sing anything and make it sound good, so Sly should be grateful that she joins him on stage in the big finale to salvage his "performance" (and I use that term loosely). I doubt Sly Stallone looks back on this movie with much fondness, but considering that I was expecting a total cheese fest I was pleasantly surprised by this fluffy '80s comedy. They really don't make'em like this anymore.

This is a genuinely funny movie in parts and that may really be what it was all about and perhaps I should just accept it as such and leave it be. But this movie is so fun to trash! Dolly plays, well... Dolly, as she usually does in every movie she has ever been in. She is poured into impossibly tight outfits and she is indeed formidable. One wonders how she is able to breath in these tight outfits, much less talk and sing. Richard Farnsworth plays old codgers pretty well. Sylvester, steals the show playing a character so unlike anything he had played before (or since in fact). Well, the basic New York/East Coast type of guy seems to be a constant thing, but to take him out of Tennessee and attempt to make him into a country singer? Unfortunately, we see why his singing career never took off, despite his attempts to "sing funny" he sounds like a drunk in a karaoke bar at 2am and moves like he trying to do half-remembered Mick Jagger stage routines.

Funny movie though, his yelling and screaming while playing the organ made me laugh even before the scene's real punchline was revealed.

Recommended if you enjoy getting good looks at Dolly Parton's early 1980s figure and like seeing Stallone make fun of himself. Show this one movie with a selection of his early porn work and make the debacle complete.

I watched this the other day FOR THE FIRST TIME might i add. I never even knew about this film until i saw it round a mate's house.

I watched it thinking is was one of those early cheese flicks that were around during the 80's, after Sly success with Rocky and before his success with Rambo. Happily i was wrong, this was hilarious.

The story is well done and one that was entertaining. I was expecting to fall asleep during this film but i stayed awake the whole time and didn't yawn once. Sly looked well out of place in this picture but that was the whole idea and he does it brilliantly, playing a New York Cabbie who don't know the first thing about country music. And when he sang during the first half of the movie it was in stitches. He was excruciatingly awful,and I was literally crying laughter. However when he did sing with the lovely Dolly Parton, he was good. This film is kind of like Rocky meets Nashville with a great performance from everyone involved.

Rhinestone is one of those gems of a movie that is a classic later on in it's years. This is Sly at his comedy best,he don't play it for laughs he is just himself (so to speak). Forget Stop or my mom will shoot or Oscar, this is Sly at his comedy best. he can do comedy and it shows right here.

I dare you not to be tapping your foot by the end. This will go with my Good Sylvester Stallone films.

I love this movie. Not because it is a particularly good movie but it definitely leaves a memorable impression. In what other film can you see Sylvester Stallone adorned in a fringed jacket, western shirt, tight pants, chaps, and high heeled cowboy boots? I mean please, who could ask for more? Stallone attempts to sing as well. I have heard worse. Also, the dialog is hilarious. Being from the South, it resonates with the sounds of my youth. Of course, Rhinestone is filled with the obvious stereotypical portrayals of rural residents. However, it is not rude or mean spirited to the populace located below the Mason Dixon line. In a fashion, the movie rather celebrates and embraces those individuals. Believe me, there are some memorable moments to this cinematic adventure. Just give it a chance - spend 111 minutes laughing at Stallone and singing with Dolly. If the more urbane members of my clan can appreciate this film even high brow viewers can participate in parody from time to time.