Ator II - Der Unbesiegbare

I mean, you just have to love the Italian film industry. Someone came up with a post-doomsday action movie ("Road Warrior") and the Italians were busy for years doing one rip-off after another. Then some other one came up with a successful barbarian movie ("Conan") and the Italians were busy... eh, see above.

Besides countless other variations of the theme (one of my favorites is Umberto Lenzi's "The Barbarians" starring the Paul twins) the Ator series was created. And this, the second one, is probably the worst (or best, depending on your point of view).

Ator is called back into action by his old teacher, who has discovered some kind of nuclear power that, of course, has to be protected so it won't get into wrong hands. The old man sends his daughter to Ator, and after a few complications Ator, his sidekick Tong and the girl set back to the castle, which meanwhile has fallen to some evildoer (of course, an old "class mate" of Ator). Somewhere along the way the heroic trio forgets about the plot and eradicates some giant snake-worshipping cult for the fun of it (not before some virgins are sacrificed). Just in time before the madman finally loses his temper and kills the wise teacher our heroes remember their duties, invent hanggliding and grenades and save the day.

Included: terrible acting by all participants (especially O'Keeffe), incredibly hilarious "special effects" (you just have to adore the snake fight scene, which must be sort of a hommage to "Bride of the Monster"), badly staged fight scenes, numerous continuity errors (Ator flies two different hanggliders during the climatic battle, watch for it, just an example) and an overall non-understanding of the concept of history (cavemen, "civilized" barbarians, castle-builders, all thrown in one film).

If you're, like me, devoted to bad movies, this is the one of the series to see, you'll probably end up ROTFL. For the records: the Malta-filmed third part is actually quite watchable.

Considering Joe D'Amato's other efforts this is probably his most entertaining movie, as he certainly has failed to deliver watchable horror or erotic movies. But I strongly have the opinion that this was completely by accident.

Ator 2: L'invincibile Orion (1984)

1/2 (out of 4)

Really bad sequel has Ator (Miles O'Keeffe) having to travel to try and save his mentor who has been kidnapped by the evil Zor (David Brandon).

ATOR, THE FIGHTING EAGLE was a pretty bad movie but thankfully it had enough campy moments to make it entertaining. It also had a pretty good battle at the end, which also helped keep it rather entertaining. That film obviously had a low-budget but it seems this sequel has even less of one and the end result is just a downright awful movie.

It's amazing what campy or laughs can bring to a bad movie. This one here really doesn't have either of them, although there's one sequence where a woman falls into a pit of rattlesnakes and it seems the rattle sound effect is coming from a baby's toy. Outside of that this here is a pretty dire film from start to finish. There's really not a good thing that can be said about it and sadly nothing is bad enough to where you can laugh.

The performances this time around are just as bad as the first film with O'Keeffe returning but acting even less. Brandon has to be the most nonthreatening bad guy in movie history. He's meant to be some sort of great God yet he probably wouldn't scare a group of five- year- old girls. The supporting players are all bland and boring as well.

ATOR 2: L'INVINCIBILE ORION was released under countless titles and probably got it greatest bit of fame thanks to Mystery Science Theater 3000. I haven't seen that version so I can't compare but this one here is certainly without any laughs or entertainment value. Sadly, this here wasn't the worst Joe D'Amato directed picture.

Even MST3K couldn't make this painful, long, and ultimately mind-bending drek funny or entertaining. While most bad movies in and of themselves are hilariously bad, this one is one of those few videos that uses the word bad in its literal sense.

The element that makes this so PAINFUL to watch is not the lack of story, but the fact that SOOOO much background is crammed into the first half-hour that it is utterly ridiculous and harder to follow than a highway while driving with no headlights.

The hero of the film, Ator, is no more than eye-candy for this literal energy-sucker of a film. Dressed in a loin-cloth and sporting "pecs like melons," as Joel put it, he belongs more in a fitness magazine than here.

I would recommend this ONLY to die-hard, and I mean die-hard followers of cheese. If you have an enemy, recommend them this film. If you make it through this, I commend you. You should be able to make it through anything.

This was the segment that ran at the end of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode which pointed out various careless errors people failed to see when checking this movie before its release, if it was checked at all. I have never seen either of the other Ator movies, but if this one was any indication of the overall quality of the series, I'm glad I haven't. This turkey jumped back and forth through time unintentionally, even coming into modern times with the view of the skyline of a modern city in an aerial shot. And that's not even mentioning the sunglasses-wearing caveman or the tire tracks in the field. In short, this was one of the movies most deserving of the MST3K mark because...THEY JUST DIDN'T CARE!!!!

As a fan of Grade Z movies myself I'll say this as a word of kindly advice: don't watch this movie as it is!!! You've been warned! This movie has tons of continuity problems and the special effects are unbelievably horrible!!!

Cave Dwellers or The Blade Master (or whatever you like to call it) is set in the Middle Ages, right? Ator and his friends set out to fight some evildoer who sacrifices young girls to an anaconda, and along the way they fight cavemen, invisible swordsmen, an anaconda puppet, and get this, they have to protect the earth from a bomb called a "Geometric Neucleus" that posesses nuclear power!

MST3K had every right to make fun of the hidiously terrible movie. Since when was there hang gliders, hand grenades, and nuclear power back in the Middle Ages?! Other bloopers that were mentioned were the hang gliding scene, and as anyone can see, Ator was flying over a modern city, and a caveman wearing sunglasses? And who can forget the infamous 'tire tracks' in the background at the end of the movie? Heck, even Joel and the 'bots were complaining about this literally bad movie!

If you're a fan of bad movies and you want to check this one out, it's only worth watching on MST3K! Another thing I can't believe is that these Ator flicks even had a prequel and some sequels! You would probably feel sorry for Miles O'Keefe for even participating in such stupidity of this type of entertainment. But the movie is funny, and the MST3K version is even funnier.