Ator II - Der Unbesiegbare

As a fan of Grade Z movies myself I'll say this as a word of kindly advice: don't watch this movie as it is!!! You've been warned! This movie has tons of continuity problems and the special effects are unbelievably horrible!!!

Cave Dwellers or The Blade Master (or whatever you like to call it) is set in the Middle Ages, right? Ator and his friends set out to fight some evildoer who sacrifices young girls to an anaconda, and along the way they fight cavemen, invisible swordsmen, an anaconda puppet, and get this, they have to protect the earth from a bomb called a "Geometric Neucleus" that posesses nuclear power!

MST3K had every right to make fun of the hidiously terrible movie. Since when was there hang gliders, hand grenades, and nuclear power back in the Middle Ages?! Other bloopers that were mentioned were the hang gliding scene, and as anyone can see, Ator was flying over a modern city, and a caveman wearing sunglasses? And who can forget the infamous 'tire tracks' in the background at the end of the movie? Heck, even Joel and the 'bots were complaining about this literally bad movie!

If you're a fan of bad movies and you want to check this one out, it's only worth watching on MST3K! Another thing I can't believe is that these Ator flicks even had a prequel and some sequels! You would probably feel sorry for Miles O'Keefe for even participating in such stupidity of this type of entertainment. But the movie is funny, and the MST3K version is even funnier.

The credits come from the Sandy Frank stitching job that was made to turn this movie into Cave Dwellers for re-release. Now that that's cleared up...oh! Excruciating, eye-gouging pain. Blade Master leaps shamelessly on the sword & sorcery bandwagon started by the Conan flicks...except the bandwagon never left the garage anyway. As such, this Italian flick is a dud trying to rip-off a box office dud, with predictable results. However, this would give too little credit to the director and writers, who make no effort whatsoever to maintain a coherent plot, continuity, any semblance of era-accurate continuity. Miles O'Keefe is no leading man, now or forever (Tarzan The Ape Man proved that, if Ator didn't). Just an unlikeable picture and a chore to watch.

This was the segment that ran at the end of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode which pointed out various careless errors people failed to see when checking this movie before its release, if it was checked at all. I have never seen either of the other Ator movies, but if this one was any indication of the overall quality of the series, I'm glad I haven't. This turkey jumped back and forth through time unintentionally, even coming into modern times with the view of the skyline of a modern city in an aerial shot. And that's not even mentioning the sunglasses-wearing caveman or the tire tracks in the field. In short, this was one of the movies most deserving of the MST3K mark because...THEY JUST DIDN'T CARE!!!!

Ator 2: L'invincibile Orion (1984)

1/2 (out of 4)

Really bad sequel has Ator (Miles O'Keeffe) having to travel to try and save his mentor who has been kidnapped by the evil Zor (David Brandon).

ATOR, THE FIGHTING EAGLE was a pretty bad movie but thankfully it had enough campy moments to make it entertaining. It also had a pretty good battle at the end, which also helped keep it rather entertaining. That film obviously had a low-budget but it seems this sequel has even less of one and the end result is just a downright awful movie.

It's amazing what campy or laughs can bring to a bad movie. This one here really doesn't have either of them, although there's one sequence where a woman falls into a pit of rattlesnakes and it seems the rattle sound effect is coming from a baby's toy. Outside of that this here is a pretty dire film from start to finish. There's really not a good thing that can be said about it and sadly nothing is bad enough to where you can laugh.

The performances this time around are just as bad as the first film with O'Keeffe returning but acting even less. Brandon has to be the most nonthreatening bad guy in movie history. He's meant to be some sort of great God yet he probably wouldn't scare a group of five- year- old girls. The supporting players are all bland and boring as well.

ATOR 2: L'INVINCIBILE ORION was released under countless titles and probably got it greatest bit of fame thanks to Mystery Science Theater 3000. I haven't seen that version so I can't compare but this one here is certainly without any laughs or entertainment value. Sadly, this here wasn't the worst Joe D'Amato directed picture.

There are plenty of reviews that describe this movie as the worst ever made. For sure there are plenty of mistakes: lackluster acting, rather boring and cliched and at times paradoxical script, and the stock B-movie sound and "special" effects. As noted, there are plenty of glosses of plot, making _Cave Dwellers_ a tissue of fantasy film, especially in comparison with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. However, this movie is not the worst movie ever. Most, if not all, (including this review) of these reviews are written by fans of MSTK3. Therefore, many of these reviews are pretty much summaries of the MSTK3 episode of _Cave Dwellers_.

In the episode, Joel, Tom Servo, and Crow remark to the Mad Scientists that this is the worst movie ever sent to them. Of course, loyal fans have taken this quote and ran with it. I have found this movie endearing-not in a way that one finds _Forrest Gump_ endearing-but in the effort put into this movie by some the cast. Also, this movie is laughable without its MSTK3 treatment. That is because _Cave Dwellers_ does not take itself seriously, and it is not trying to import into its viewers some sort of righteous theme. For all of the monster puppets, medieval hang gliding, and continuity lapses-this movie does not advertise to be any more that what it is, a shallow depiction of a rather shallow genre.

Likewise, I can't bring myself to hate Miles O'Keeffe or Lisa Foster. Instead this hatred is for Coleman Francis, Tony Cardoza, Jennifer Lopez, Arch Hall, Jr., and so on.