Die Wächter von Atlantis

Some scientists team up with a duo of Vietnam vets to fight make-up wearing biker punks from the lost city of Atlantis which reemerges from under the water due to a sunken Russian submarine's radioactive missiles. Just typing that previous sentence makes my brain hurt and I haven't even gotten to the more nonsensical stuff. Ha.

OK, the plot is ridiculous and the film itself doesn't make a lick of sense, but this b-movie is amazingly fun and doesn't let up on the action. Think of it as a cross between Assualt on Precint 13, and mad max. If you loved those films, are willing to keep and open mind, and can turn your brain off for the duration of the film, you'll like this one a lot as well.

My Grade: A-

Side note: This movie can be found on side A of Disc 2 of the Grindhouse Experience 2 four DVD set, alas it's from an old VHS dub and the picture is far from optimal. Hopefully this unsung b-movie classic will be re-released in a remastered form (ok, probably not, but one can hope)

Raiders of the Lost Ark ripoff, crossed with a Mad Max ripoff, and a disaster/ horror movie ripoff, with sunken artifacts ripped off and thrown in for added randomness.

An incomprehensible mish mash of strange ideas and action vignettes, this has a sudden hurricane(?) sinking the oil rig carrying scientists who are attempting raise a Russian sub from the ocean floor. After being picked up by a trio of thieves on a boat, they stumble onto the mythical island of Atlantis (raised by the radiation of the Russian nuclear sub(? again)) and its violent, biker gang inhabitants. Who even knew there were bikers on Atlantis? After being attacked by said violent biker gang inhabitants, the group breaks into the island's conveniently heavily armed, abandoned police force, and declare war.

Things get even more confusing after that, but that's irrelevant. There's no sense in even trying to decipher the story, because it's obvious that there isn't one, they were just making it up as they go along. The purpose of this movie was clearly just the action, and there's plenty of that: they're making their getaway on a stolen bus when a helicopter filled with Atlantis' biker gang launch an attack. But our heros don't bother to shoot the helicopter. Instead, they let the thugs jump out of it and onto the roof of the van, where a fistfight ensues not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES, before they climb out of the windows and onto the roof of this moving bus to shoot the helicopter. The bus crashes though a barricade and barely makes contact with two other cars, but they immediately explode and burst into a ball of flames.

And there's that stone statue thingie that shoots lasers out of its glowing red eyes.

This can actually be fun, if you turn your mind completely off, and enjoy its absurdities, hilariously awful (and completely nonsensical) dialogue, and overly dramatic death scenes; many of the deaths are accompanied by yells of "Ay ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

A disclaimer in the closing credits reads: "All events and characters depicted in this photoplay are imaginary and any resemblance to actual persons and events is unintentional and purely coincidental". Imaginary?

From Ruggero Deodato, the director who gave us the incredibly powerful and disturbing Cannibal Holocaust comes this lighter weight action yarn from 1983.

It utilises the intriguing central premise of the resurfacing of Atlantis as a catalyst for mass violence when the descendants of the aforementioned long lost continent, who are now living amongst us, take to the streets in heavily armed gangs and set about annihilating the rest of mankind.

The future of the human race appears to rest in the hands of a small group of people who escape the initial wave of urban anarchy whilst they are out at sea.

But returning to dry land how can so few defeat so many? The above plot provides the basis for scene after scene of urban shoot outs and ferocious pitched battles against the marauding hordes of leather clad, painted faced bikers as our heroes fight for survival in a world that has descended into chaos.

A great assembled cast of B-movie favourites including Christopher Connelly, Tony King and Ivan Rassimov head this fairly enjoyable effort that is certainly never dull and boasts some admittedly very exciting scenes ala. Assault On Precinct 13.

Added to this some great stunt work, with some very noteworthy scenes involving a mini bus and you have a solid 90 mins or so of action entertainment.

However……it has to be said that the film makes virtually no sense at all! It appears to have been cobbled hurriedly together sans any logic which sadly serves to seriously undermine it.

It's almost as if, in a desperate attempt to cramp in as many action scenes (copied from other movies) into one picture, the makers forgot to provide a plot that links the said scenes together.

The end result is a decidedly disjointed affair to put it mildly.

However, I don't wish to be too hard on the film for viewed as an action movie it certainly delivers the goods by the bucket load.

As a final note, fans of those lovable cut and splice ninja movies from the 1980's as produced en masse by Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai will delight to see non other than Bruce Baron as the head villain in this, although he spends most of his screen time beneath a 'crystal' mask.

One of best in the post-apoc genre. Doesn't really make much sense, but delivers lots of the goods. Some of you might not know this, but they actually reused sets from ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 for one of the action sequences! Good gore effects, outstanding shootouts, a great cast (best of all Ivan Rassimov), funny cheesy special effects, and even funnier dialog. "Manuel, what the hell are you talking about?" Another in the long line of likable films complete with a Tony King scream-o-rama! Why does this guy scream so much in every film he's in? Look hard and buy this flick! A classic.

This film is in a league of it's own: I won't bother to re-state what every other person has already posted regarding the plot. Needless to say it makes no sense what-so-ever in the big scheme of things, but there is plenty of violence and preposterous characters such as the "Crystal Skull" liven things up no end. The best line in the whole film has to be "We can't move; we're immobilised" (by an invisible force field), so how come he can still move his jaw to speak? As I say ultimately in a league of it's own and one of the best examples of how practically any script was considered during the 80's as a potential blockbuster!