Metalstorm - Die Vernichtung des Jared-Syn

The 1983 3-D Charles Band production "Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn" is pretty damn forgettable and obviously quite low budget but, like many other movies of its kind, it's not without its cheesy charms. One is simply going to have to be partial to this type of thing to begin with. It's highly derivative of other sci-fi features that have come before it, and it is undeniably crude. It's full of nonsense and short on sense. The characters are well defined if not exactly fleshed out (you're never in much doubt as to who is a good guy and who is a bad guy.) The action is reasonably effective, with well done stunts and explosions, and the special effects do give this the appeal of really good cheese. The most worthy component is the rousing music score by Charles's brother Richard Band; it deserves to be in a better movie.

Stiff, but not completely unlikable, Jeffrey Byron stars as Dogen, a "ranger" in a world of the future who must do battle with the overlord of the title, played by Mike Preston of "The Road Warrior". Jared-Syn, assisted by his creepy son Baal (R. David Smith), makes life miserable for people such as amiable old miner Aix (Larry Pennell) and his daughter Dhyana (a young and super sexy Kelly Preston). Knowing he needs help, Dogen gets tracking assistance from the weary Rhodes (Tim Thomerson, who easily steals the show). As the story plays out, he must also deal with a cyclopean being named Hurok (Richard Moll).

The ending to this is quite anticlimactic and disappointing (clearly there were thoughts of making a sequel to this), but getting there provides some degree of fun. If you can turn off your brain for 83 minutes, you should have a good time with this. It never really catches fire (some might even say that it's dull), but helping to give it some visual buzz, other than the 3- D, are the various desert locations and the cinematography by Mac Ahlberg, who shot many movies like this during the 1980s. Byron is a rather colourless lead, and one may wish that the more charismatic Thomerson were in that role instead. Mike Preston is an amusing villain, and Moll likewise has a real presence on screen, as always. The briefly seen Pennell is endearing, and Kelly Preston offers up a lot of spunk as the imperiled girl, who is set to be sacrificed by Jared-Syn to a great big life-giving crystal.

This may not be anything great, but it's not the worst sci-fi adventure you'll ever see, either.

Five out of 10.

This is another one of those very first movies I ever rented as a kid. It was childish love at first site. Watched it numerous times back then. Is it actually a good movie? I think I'll just plead the 5th on that one.

Having just re-watched it, I'll just say right away: METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN is a blast and offers lots of (unintentional) laughs. Just throw the following elements into a blender: Post-Apocalyptic (vehicles & mutants), STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI (speed-bikers), western (showdown), Swords & Sorcery (quest, fights, and sock-puppet sand-creatures), fantasy (magical crystals and other nonsense), cyborg (or a dude basically enhanced by various metal-parts, including an extendable metal grab-claw arm that spits toxic LSD) and psychedelia (warped gateways into other dimensions). Plus, Tim Thomerson and Richard Moll are in it. This simply is a wonderful film.

Well yes, I'm biased when it comes to early Charles Band outings. This isn't really a good movie (Damn, I did say it, didn't I?), but it's very enjoyable, cheesy & nonsensical stuff. All things I listed up here really are featured in this film, albeit not exactly in quality incarnations, if you know what I mean. And the special effects are dated and look silly sometimes, but there's enough of those in the film to keep you amused. Compared to other early Charles Band films, METALSTORM definitely is a bit crazier and more action-packed than PARASITE (the "good" film) and THE ALCHEMIST (the "lesser" film) and would - in my humble opinion - make a perfect double feature with THE DUNGEONMASTER (aka RAGEWAR), together making up for a super-duper special effects extravaganza night fest. And if you can't get with that, you're a bit of a sourpuss, I'm afraid.

Good, bad, stupid, fun? Who cares! These films were made with enthusiasm. The kind that rubs off. At least on me it does. Blame my rating on nostalgia.

I, too saw this movie at the theater...this was the week it came out (as well as the week it was pulled off). While visiting relatives in Richmond, VA, of all places, we all went to see this horrible futuristic charade, just so that we can view the closing credits and watch MY name scrolling down on that long list...Yes, I admit to have worked on the special effects with Charly Band (who most probably still owes me the $10.00 I've never received). Regarding this "masterpiece" I agree with the rest of you guys, and as far as the thought of this movie having been made as a spoof, well, it wasn't ! And what about Kelly... Love to work with those Hollywood stars ! In contrast, both Richard and Tim were actually fun to be around, actually. By the way, the film did become a cult item. I would love to see it coming out on DVD, though, as I already own the VHS, too-shrunk-to-wear-cut-off T-shirt, a lovely crew satin jacket and a poster. Gideon.

I saw this movie back in 83 when 3-d was making a comeback. I liked it a lot but I was young and it was 3-d. I've seen it a few times after that on HBO and still enjoyed it. I just recently got a 3-d dvd of the movie and I enjoyed it even more. Sure, it's crap but it's fun crap and I'm a sucker for 3-d movies. Watching this in 3-d in my own living room brought back memories. It's definately worth seeing in 3-d.

Don't know why, but in the '80s, I watched this film around 17 times, and when in Hollywood, went to the Band brothers' office to tell them they had made a cult masterpiece. They seemed really surprised that anyone liked it. After watching it several times (which you feel compelled to do for some strange reason), you start to get sucked into believing that somehow the film contains some kind of secret. The problem is that I think I needed to watch it at least 17 more times to 'get' the secret, but I could no longer find the film anywhere. Now I'm an adult, with kids, and they have carefully explained to me that I know nothing about films or hidden realities. So, either I'm an idiot for having wasted so much time watching Metal Storm so many times, or my kids should be forced to watch it 17 times so that they can reach the same level of knowledge as their mother.