Die Schlacht der Centurions

Set in the 21st century, criminals are forced to fight each other like gladiators on motorcycles for the enjoyment of TV audiences. Sound familiar? Arnold Schwarzenegger "The Running Man" wouldn't come out for three years later, but Stephen King's novella came out two years earlier, so don't give director Lucio Fulci too much credit. Part of a cycle of cheap Italian ripoff films capitalizing on the popularity of "The Road Warrior" and "Escape from New York," this one is better than most of it's contemporaries, although that's an admittedly a low bar. In the film's favor is the cast includes Fred Williamson, which is always a treat, a charmingly 80s synthesizer heavy score by Riz Ortolani, and solid direction for Fulci. As far as director Fulci goes, I've never quite decided if he's an artist along the lines of Dario Argento or Mario Bava or is merely a talented gorehound like Joe D'Amato or Bruno Mattei. I think I lean towards the latter, though Fulci's "The Beyond" is pretty great, but it's still no "Deep Red" or "Suspiria." Back to "The New Gladiators," the story is corny, most of the performance are goofy, the action is ham-fisted, but the film has an undeniable 80s grindhouse charm that I found irresistible. From Ortolani's rockin synthesizer score, to Fred Williamson kicking ass, to strobe light fight sequences, to some terrifically gory practical special effects, to awful laser special effects, to some wonderfully corny miniature future cityscape sets, there was a definite so-bad-it's good quality to this film that I loved, but Fulci's direction of the motorcycle sidecar action sequences are pretty lacking in comparison to George Miller or even a hacky Italian contemporary like Enzo G. Castellari. Overall, this is not a good film in the traditional sense, but if you're a fan of cheesy 80s low budget post-apocalyptic Mad Max knock-off films, it's essential viewing.

After knocking out a succession of gory cannibal flicks and umpteen cheap clones of Romero's Dawn of the Dead, several of Italy's horror directors moved on to the post-apocalyptic genre, bringing fans a tirade of silly Mad Max inspired nonsense with suitably daft titles: New Barbarians; Atlantis Interceptors; 2019: After the Fall of New York; New Bronx Gladiators of the Year 3000 (actually, that one's not real... but you get the idea).

Amongst these iffy, cheap looking and often laughable efforts was Lucio Fulci's Rome 2033 - The Fighter Centurions (as it was known here in the UK), a violent (natch!), cheesy, and amazingly shonky production, made slightly more interesting by the fact that it's plot bears more than a passing resemblance to the Arnold Schwarzeneggar hit The Running Man—which was made three years later!

Jared Martin plays Drake, star of the bloodthirsty show Kill Bike, in which contestants on motorcycles must attempt to slaughter their opposition. However, when the corrupt bosses at TV network WBS decide that they need something even more brutal to help them win the ratings war, they frame Drake for murder and enrol him as a participant in their latest TV spectacular, Battle of the Damned, a fight to the death between condemned criminals in a gladiatorial arena.

There's also some boring nonsense about a super-computer planning to take over the world, and a beautiful WBS employee who attempts to help Drake avoid certain death, but, let's face it, that's probably not why most people will sit down to watch this. So what juicy delights does Fulci serve up for fans in this potential bloodbath?

Well, not that much actually! An early graphic throat slashing turns out to be merely an image projected into the mind of a game-show contestant; much of the motorbike mayhem results in bodies being either blown up or crushed, but with very little gore on display; and the brief decapitation of a gladiator ends with a shot of the neck spurting blood.

For maximum enjoyment, I advise viewers to sit back, forget about the lack of splatter, and just revel in the sheer silliness of the whole thing: the incredibly bad Bladerunner-style cityscapes; the entertaining chariot race featuring really naff-looking, customised bikes; and the fact that, somehow, not only do all of the condemned criminals know how to ride a motorbike, but they can all effortlessly pop a prolonged wheelie!

New Gladiators (1983)

1/2 (out of 4)

Italian apocalyptic film is set during 2073 when TV audiences have been turned onto violence after years of war. Normal television isn't accepted anymore so two rival networks have to come up with shows that feature real people facing real death. The latest game show is to have gladiator battle, which with Fulci directing, leads to countless death scenes. This is an incredibly cheap sci-fi film that might be called an early version of what would become The Running Man but this thing here is so cheap that it should get on your last nerve after the ten-minute mark. The only thing going for this film happens in the first five minutes where there's a rather nice throat slashing but after this the film offers nothing except a couple laughs from the cheap production. Even though there are a lot of deaths in the film, if you're expecting classic Fulci gore then you're going to be highly disappointed as there is very little outside the previous mentioned throat slash. Fred Williamson of Black Caesar fame gets the main role but does very little with it. There were a lot of these films made in Italy around this time but this is the first I've seen and I really hope it's the worst of the bunch because if there is one out there worse than this then I'm somewhat scared to see it.

Entertainingly goofy science-fiction from Lucio Fulci. The story takes forever to get started, and the part of the film that may attract most viewers - the recreation of the gladiatorial battles of the ancient Rome - is too short. But, the effects are amusing, the sets almost psychedelic, and the decapitations plentiful! This is a picture that I wouldn't care to see twice, but certainly one viewing is recommended. (**)

I bet the almighty Lucio Fulci didn't half realize back in 1984 how progressive and visionary the concept of his film would become. Sure the idea of recruiting death row prisoners as futuristic gladiators and broadcast their battle to live and death live on television is still extremely grotesque but the underlying and less obvious themes of "The New Gladiators" – like the appalling formula of reality-TV and the always-increasing quest for sensationalism – were way ahead of their time. This film is one of the numerous futuristic exploitation ventures that were released in the early 80's, all of them with the intention of cashing in on the huge success of John Carpenter's "Escape from New York". All these movies are incredibly violent, feature grim sets and flamboyant effect and – oh yeah – for some reason they practically all star Fred Williamson! I think Fred actually lived in between the decors and on the sets of low-budget Italian flicks back then. Anyway, Fulci naturally had to participate in this profitable Sci-Fi action trend and it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that his effort is one of the coolest and most sadistically violent of the entire bunch. In their search for the ultimate crowd-pleasing TV-show, slick studio bosses come up with the brilliant idea of reviving the ancient Roman spectacle of Gladiator fights. Death row prisoners from all over the world are recruited to fight in the arena to the death and, just because every show does better with a celebrity on board, the vicious TV-stations owners frame a popular stunt bike rider with murder, just so that he can be put in the battle as well. But with Drake as their leader and the help of a cute and caring computer expert, the Gladiators fight back! Awesome, undemanding and adrenalin-rushing entertainment from Maestro Fulci, "The New Gladiators" offers a spitfire of explosions, macho-showdowns, squeaking bike tires, decapitations, laser beams and revealing manly skirt-outfits! Riz Ortolani delivers one of the best scores of his career (perhaps even second only to his work for "Cannibal Holocaust") and Fred Williamson remains the male role model for utter coolness, despite the fact he plays his supportive role on automatic pilot.