Die Schlacht der Centurions

Well with Lucio Fulci in the directors chair you can count on two things straight away; Excellent visuals including an inordinate amount of Fulci's trademark extreme facial close ups (especially the eyes) and a confused story that will leave you scratching your head. You can also count on a third staple present in most of Fulci's work and the factor for which he is probably best remembered; His predilection for incorporating extreme gore scenes into his films (even his non horror efforts such as the film in question) In relation to all of the above, sure enough and true to form, Fulci yet again delivers the goods.

The story set in the future, depicts a world where deadly gladiatorial contests take place for the TV viewing audiences' pleasure. The said contests take place on motorcycles whereby the combatants are required to batter their opponents off of their bikes with the last man standing being declared the winner.

Jared Martin (Yes Dusty Farlow from Dallas!) plays Drake, the Kill Bike champion who along with the likes of B-movie regulars Fred Williamson, Al Yamanouchi and Al Cliver must fight for their lives in this cruel sport.

Sadly it has to be said however, that there are far too few scenes of the sport in question with the vast majority of the films running time being squandered on a boring conspiracy storyline (and lots and lots of shots of peoples eyes!). Luckily things do pick up commendably in the final 30 or so minutes though and we get to see some admittedly excellent battle scenes involving motorbikes and sidecars in a futuristic take on the famous chariot sequence from Ben Hur.

Overall, whilst not one of Fulci's best works, this is certainly far from his worst and provides a fairly entertaining watch. It's just such a pity that the sheer energy of the final third couldn't have been more abundant throughout.

After knocking out a succession of gory cannibal flicks and umpteen cheap clones of Romero's Dawn of the Dead, several of Italy's horror directors moved on to the post-apocalyptic genre, bringing fans a tirade of silly Mad Max inspired nonsense with suitably daft titles: New Barbarians; Atlantis Interceptors; 2019: After the Fall of New York; New Bronx Gladiators of the Year 3000 (actually, that one's not real... but you get the idea).

Amongst these iffy, cheap looking and often laughable efforts was Lucio Fulci's Rome 2033 - The Fighter Centurions (as it was known here in the UK), a violent (natch!), cheesy, and amazingly shonky production, made slightly more interesting by the fact that it's plot bears more than a passing resemblance to the Arnold Schwarzeneggar hit The Running Man—which was made three years later!

Jared Martin plays Drake, star of the bloodthirsty show Kill Bike, in which contestants on motorcycles must attempt to slaughter their opposition. However, when the corrupt bosses at TV network WBS decide that they need something even more brutal to help them win the ratings war, they frame Drake for murder and enrol him as a participant in their latest TV spectacular, Battle of the Damned, a fight to the death between condemned criminals in a gladiatorial arena.

There's also some boring nonsense about a super-computer planning to take over the world, and a beautiful WBS employee who attempts to help Drake avoid certain death, but, let's face it, that's probably not why most people will sit down to watch this. So what juicy delights does Fulci serve up for fans in this potential bloodbath?

Well, not that much actually! An early graphic throat slashing turns out to be merely an image projected into the mind of a game-show contestant; much of the motorbike mayhem results in bodies being either blown up or crushed, but with very little gore on display; and the brief decapitation of a gladiator ends with a shot of the neck spurting blood.

For maximum enjoyment, I advise viewers to sit back, forget about the lack of splatter, and just revel in the sheer silliness of the whole thing: the incredibly bad Bladerunner-style cityscapes; the entertaining chariot race featuring really naff-looking, customised bikes; and the fact that, somehow, not only do all of the condemned criminals know how to ride a motorbike, but they can all effortlessly pop a prolonged wheelie!

During his career , Fulci contributed to many different genres. It is a bid sad that he is remembered only for his gore movies, though they are classics.

But Fulci making a sci-fi movie still sounded like a disaster, especially given the low budgets with which Fulci worked during the period when he made "New gladiators". Nevertheless, I was quite pleased with the result. Clearly, one cannot call the movie a good movie. For this, it is far too uneven: It has a fairly good opening, but step by step degrades into plain silliness culminating into Drake swallowing a device which allows him to manipulate all electronic equipment and even melt metal walls. At the end, the movie resumes pace again for a rather satisfying ending.

As often noted, even by Fulci's daughter Antonella, the "New gladiators" is highly reminiscent of "Rollerball" and of other classic American sci-fi-movies such as "Logan's run". Fulci manages to use some of his trademark elements to enhance the familiar motives: First, there is the overall dark atmosphere of the movie. Second, there are some almost surreal sequences such as the killing of Drake's wife. Third, there is the juxtapposition of antique and future Rome. At this point, I would like to mention that the often criticized toy models are filmed quite effectively and help to create an illusion, though not a perfect one. Fulci and the scriptwriters get an extra credit for managing to incorporate a throat slashing with Poe's pendulum into this movie!

All in all, "New Gladiators" is a slightly messed up movie with interesting details to keep you amused. As such, it is much more entertaining than recent Hollywood big budget sci-fis which feature even less story and more silly plot elements than the worst Fulci movie and are completely brainless.

New Gladiators (1983)

1/2 (out of 4)

Italian apocalyptic film is set during 2073 when TV audiences have been turned onto violence after years of war. Normal television isn't accepted anymore so two rival networks have to come up with shows that feature real people facing real death. The latest game show is to have gladiator battle, which with Fulci directing, leads to countless death scenes. This is an incredibly cheap sci-fi film that might be called an early version of what would become The Running Man but this thing here is so cheap that it should get on your last nerve after the ten-minute mark. The only thing going for this film happens in the first five minutes where there's a rather nice throat slashing but after this the film offers nothing except a couple laughs from the cheap production. Even though there are a lot of deaths in the film, if you're expecting classic Fulci gore then you're going to be highly disappointed as there is very little outside the previous mentioned throat slash. Fred Williamson of Black Caesar fame gets the main role but does very little with it. There were a lot of these films made in Italy around this time but this is the first I've seen and I really hope it's the worst of the bunch because if there is one out there worse than this then I'm somewhat scared to see it.

Set in the 21st century, criminals are forced to fight each other like gladiators on motorcycles for the enjoyment of TV audiences. Sound familiar? Arnold Schwarzenegger "The Running Man" wouldn't come out for three years later, but Stephen King's novella came out two years earlier, so don't give director Lucio Fulci too much credit. Part of a cycle of cheap Italian ripoff films capitalizing on the popularity of "The Road Warrior" and "Escape from New York," this one is better than most of it's contemporaries, although that's an admittedly a low bar. In the film's favor is the cast includes Fred Williamson, which is always a treat, a charmingly 80s synthesizer heavy score by Riz Ortolani, and solid direction for Fulci. As far as director Fulci goes, I've never quite decided if he's an artist along the lines of Dario Argento or Mario Bava or is merely a talented gorehound like Joe D'Amato or Bruno Mattei. I think I lean towards the latter, though Fulci's "The Beyond" is pretty great, but it's still no "Deep Red" or "Suspiria." Back to "The New Gladiators," the story is corny, most of the performance are goofy, the action is ham-fisted, but the film has an undeniable 80s grindhouse charm that I found irresistible. From Ortolani's rockin synthesizer score, to Fred Williamson kicking ass, to strobe light fight sequences, to some terrifically gory practical special effects, to awful laser special effects, to some wonderfully corny miniature future cityscape sets, there was a definite so-bad-it's good quality to this film that I loved, but Fulci's direction of the motorcycle sidecar action sequences are pretty lacking in comparison to George Miller or even a hacky Italian contemporary like Enzo G. Castellari. Overall, this is not a good film in the traditional sense, but if you're a fan of cheesy 80s low budget post-apocalyptic Mad Max knock-off films, it's essential viewing.