Die Chaotenclique

For months I wanted to drive around in a ghetto-fab taxi with rollers in my hair, but ma' wouldn't let me.

No one should ever admit to enjoying this flick, as it is awash in stupidity and dripping in dumbness. It is painfully, dreadfully, wretchedly awful... and I've seen it about 47 times. In short: A tasty hunk of Velveeta, fun to semi-watch while you're vacuuming your carpets or waxing your legs, but tell no one you did.

How many passengers?:

I found Mr. T's character to be the kidney-stone I couldn't wait to pass. And Gary Busey is all kinds of Sam Kinison fun (hint: not fun at all). But everyone else on hand delivers one or two sure-p**ser lines...my personal faves being a fur-coat sporting Marsha Warfield, threatening to beat Denise Gordy's door down and "beat your ass to fried whale-sh*t!" Or the scene stealing Charlie Barnett as roller-headed "Tyrone", jumping up and down on a barn screaming "Bruce Lee! Bruce Lee! I found him! I found that karate muther-f*cker!"

And the always under-appreciated Adam Baldwin, aka 'the only Baldwin that matters' turns in yet another competent performance as Albert "Whitebread Chicken-sh*t" Hockenberry. Plus, I've been finding him kinda dreamy ever since he played the teenage ax-murderer 'Ricky Lindermann" in "My Bodyguard". Forgive me this transgression...

Where to?:

"D.C. Cab" can't make up it's mind whether or not it wants to be a family film or "Animal House" on wheels. But it's far more successful when it's being lewd, crass, and it allows it's precious child actors to spit lines like "you are, a pitiful bitch!"

What do I owe ya?:

This cab is more hoopty than Cadillac, but a fun ride despite all the potholes.

They just don't make 'em like D.C. CAB anymore. Many filmgoers will see that as a good thing, but this blatantly '80s ensemble comedy is surprisingly entertaining. The lesser of the Baldwin brothers, Adam, stars as an ambitious young southerner who journeys to the Capital in hopes of breaking into the cab business. He's greeted by a memorable cast of zanies, including future notables such as Mr. T, Gary Busey and Bill Maher. It's not exactly Oscar calibre stuff, but the plot takes interesting twists and turns as the film plows along at a brisk pace. True, some of the humor is crude, yet the movie has an undeniable, cheesy charm. Directed by Joel Schumaker, D.C. CAB is lots of fun, but not necessarily lots of funny.

An enjoyable film for 80s buffs and fans of the not-for-everybody 80s screwball comedy. Often juvenile, often exploitative, never meant to be taken seriously, an uneven performance from its lead (particularly an inconsistent accent) and occasional sloppy sentimentality drag the movie down. There are some great turns from bit players, including a young Charlie Barnett and an old Whitman Mayo. Max Gail is solid and Marsha Warfield is thin! The film features some classic lines in addition to allegedly funny lines that will make you cringe. Mostly, the movie is a harmless goof with a touch of idiotic 80s energy. 6.5 out of 10

Movie I will watch anytime it's on. The cast is a 70's and 80's who's who: Max Gail, Paul Rodriguez, Mr. T, Bill Maher, Whitman Mayo, Marsha Warfield, Gary Busey. Most are still alive, do a sequel!

The 4 erroneous assumptions made in the making of D.C. Cab:

• Casting out of comedy clubs garuantees that said comedians will be funny on-screen as they trample through even the blandest of scripted "comedy".

• Audiences won't mind that Mr T, despite being on the poster, video boxes and all other advertising related to film is actually a small cog in the comedy wheel.

• Devoting a large narrative strand to where-are-they-now?/who-were-they-then? regular Irene Cara will ensure timeless appeal to Irene Cara fans for years to come.

• Idealistic Adam Baldwin is not made of cardboard.

These failings aside, the movie offers a few ace Busey moments (You ever done drugs/I don't remember.).

In short, it's an ensemble comedy, in the same Hollywood line that gave the world Revenge of the Nerds, the Police Academy movies, and Summer School. This movie sits somewhere below these. The cast is a little overcrowded, with too much of the "plot" devoted the weakest parts of the ensemble.

Just out curiosity: How hard is it to write a movie around Mr T or Gary Busey? It seems that too often T is forever looped into heavy-with-a-heart-of-gold roles, while Busey just gets 2nd bananas, villains and maniacs.