Metropolis 2000

OK. First of all this movie is one of the better B-movies I have seen for awhile. It is a cheap Italian knockoff of "Road Warrior". However, Mel Gibson has been replaced by a major phuckin ham of an actor and Fred Williamson is hilarious. The outfits are utterly retarded, especially those of the bad guys. Was I supposed to be scared of these guys? They dress like rejects from an Andrew Lloyd Weber show and their vehicles are golf carts covered in aluminum foil. Plus there must be some Weirdo,Italian thing going on that I don't understand. Why are the bad guys all Puritan, vigilante homosexuals? One of the more entertaining scenes is one our hero is captured and boned in the rump as initiation for execution, mainly because it is the weakest cinematographic displays of the movie. For a B-movie, this film has just about everything:Bad special effects, bad acting, lame plot, weak characters, crappy dialogue, Casio keyboard soundtrack, Fred Williamson, and way too many cliches. Rent it, get some cheap beer, and watch it with some friends for a good laugh.

Pulling cinematic threads together I Nuovi Barbari saw a second life when it's model city sets were reused in Lucio Fulci's Guerrieri dell'anno 2072 (The New Gladiators). I could be wrong and an Italian man could have gleaned a lot of work building cardboard cities for all those 80's Italian post-apocalypse films. Regardless, the opening credits let us know the world came to an end due to a meteor or some stagehand's forgotten cigarette crashing into a cardboard city. After this we have to deal with another of Max Rockatansky's cousins that suffers a few mental setbacks. Scorpion drives around in his mock up V-8 Interceptor with a big glowing bubble dome in the roof, superfluous tubes, and hood mounted chrome skull. Scorpion's enemies are a smorgasbord of peeved caddies that roll across the wasteland in their super-modified golf carts complete with slicers, dicers, disintegrators, spears, donkey molesters, and other implements of golfing terror and destruction. The terrified victims of these rampaging carts are hard pressed not to completely outrun these lumbering carts of woe and despair. Laden as they are with donkey molesters, flame throwers, tin foil, and extra passengers these vehicles of the brave new wasteland top out and redline around 2 MPH. Apparently all the survivors of the wasteland made fun of the golf carts because One (George Eastman), the leader of the post-apocalyptic rugged caddies that call themselves the Templars wants to kill everybody in the wasteland. Scorpion (Giancarlo Prete) being the yin to One's yang only wants to kill a select few people, mostly ones that ride around on golf carts causing trouble. One (Eastman) establishes himself as the true entity of evil early on by effortlessly ripping (or rather breaking) a bible in half in a rather comical display of strength. Giovanni Frezza makes an appearance as the young mechanic and you may very well recognize him from Bava's Demons 2 or Fulci's House by the Cemetery. Giovanni gives another stellar performance as he freely transforms from his diminutive figure to a strapping, full-grown stuntman in a blond wig when convenient.

Warriors of the Wasteland is a study in one take magic as it becomes painfully obvious that many special effects were botched and just left in, no retakes allowed. Most painfully obvious is a fleeing citizen almost, but not quite, (botched special effect!!??!?!) decapitated by a golf cart donkey molester. The head kind falls over staying connected and the body just slumps over, although it twitches effectively. Anybody can tell this should have been shot over but either the budget didn't allow or Enzo G. Castellari (the director) just didn't care. Another effect has a golf cart shaft spear a man's rump, this may have been intentional as Scorpion receives a similar fate later on with a different kind of spear. Regardless, the effect is particularly lackluster. At this point things are bleak and we haven't even gotten to Fred 'The Hammer' Williamson showing up. In a departure from ripping off Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, I Nuovi Barbari steals from Rambo II and has Johnny Rambo appear, only Sylvester Stallone has morphed into Fred Williamson for so reason, go figure. Nadir (Williamson) decapitates his share of helmeted cart riders with his explosive bow and arrow combination. Add into the mix Scorpion's love interest and you have your fab four fighting the white clad Templars of destruction and their menacing go-go golf carts of pandemonium.

Look for wooden acting, flat action, and gratuitous use of metal beer kegs placed inconveniently as obstacles to be rammed by vehicles or have actors fly through. Even at its worst I Nuovi Barbari is a superior work to later American counterparts that involve either lots of water or a guy delivering post apocalyptic parcels made by a certain guy that waltzes with lupines.

As far as post-apocalypse Italian cinema goes, Warriors of the Wasteland is just dull. None of the characters are nearly quirky enough to entertain, they're just bleak, bland characters not nearly archetypal enough to empathize with. The fact that Scorpion's mock muscle car is up against nitro-charged golf carts makes for rather dull chase scenes. By comparison Escape from the Bronx had tightly choreographed action scenes that set your adrenaline pumping. Escape from the Bronx was made two years after this so Enzo may have had time to sharpen up his directorial skills. However 1990: I guerrieri del Bronx (Bronx Warriors 1990) was made the same year as Warriors of the Wasteland and is leaps and bounds better than I Nuovi Barbari. I'd just chalk it up to Enzo having uneven directing skills or possibly just tacking an extra movie on after Bronx Warriors wrapped up filming. As far as Italian apocalypse films go, this is one of the weaker entries.

I only write reviews of movies with low rating, which actually are not that bad. Give them a chance!

Yes, they tried to make another Mad Max and yes, they failed. But, the movie is still watchable and good in some parts. Vehicles are SO BAD that they actually look like the apocalypse happened! Nothing can be perfect when you have nothing! So I find this great! :) Acting is OK, Fred is great choice. Fighting scenes are bad, but if we look at the budget...

Don't expect much and you will watch it to the end, especially if you like post-apocalyptic movies as I do.

5.5/10

This is a crash-budget spaghetti-western (with open references to films by Sergio Leone) disguised as a post-apocalyptic action film ala "Mad Max" or "Escape From New York". Apparently the whole world has been reduced to gravel-pits, because the whole film takes place in one after another of these - a sure sign the budget allowed for zero set design. There's no point in trying to pretend it's a good film.

However, I should note that there is some good in it; whether enough to warrant a viewing is debatable - let the buyer beware.

First and foremost is that the director, having decided he was going to make an action film using only funds and resources he had at hand, has done a rather remarkable job of keeping up traditional action-film pacing throughout the film. This is largely thanks to camera angles and editing. We get rapid intercuts between close-ups of struggling hands, full-shots of bodies blowing apart, long shots of an over-all battle area - with very little excessive flashiness masquerading as 'art'. These guys intend to sell some tickets, period (and, at the time of 1st release, were actually successful at it). These film-makers either know what they're doing or are really trying to learn what to do (more likely). They certainly deserve points for effort.

Although the characters are all one-dimensional, the actors manage to flesh them out somewhat, even Fred Williamson. And the cars are silly and kind of fun in a dumb way. But it's really the pacing that saves the film.

Hey, it's late at night, you had to work over-time, you're over-tired, you wanna crash with a cold drink and numb out before a forgettable action picture - well, this could be the one.

THE NEW BARBARIANS (aka: WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND) takes us to a post apocalyptic world, where survivors attempt to... well, survive, while a band of big-haired brigands, known as the Templars, rattle about in their rickety vehicles, made out of old furnaces.

Apparently, in the year 2019, poof-y Mohawks are all the rage, and normal people drive cars covered in dryer duct hoses. Led by the eeevil One (George Eastman) and his Cowardly Lion lookalike henchman, Shadow (Thomas Moore), the Templars seek to destroy anything resembling civilization.

Enter Scorpion (Timothy Brent), the rugged, TV preacher-haired "antihero" of the wasteland. His car not only has dryer duct hoses, but also sports a huge, obviously cool, plastic bubble on top! Scorpion is joined by the permanently glum Alma (Anna Kanakis), and the magnificently dressed Nadir (Fred Williamson). Together, they must discover how the Templars keep their outfits so clean and white.

This movie is the gloriously preposterous imitation of THE ROAD WARRIOR, that plays like a near perfect parody thereof! Everything about it is hilarious, from the clothes, to the dialogue, to the characters, to the utter cheapness of it all!

Since the real ROAD WARRIOR already told the tale, THE NEW BARBARIANS only wants to dazzle us with the audaciousness of its mimicry. This produces a dreamlike state, wherein viewers believe they might have seen this all before... somewhere.

BEST SCENES: #1- Any scene with dummies exploding or being decapitated! #2- Every scene featuring those wonderful clunkers of the Templars, complete with impossible gadgets and weaponry! #3- The final showdown, complete with Scorpion wearing a poncho, Clint Eastwood style, Nadir's endless supply of arrows, and Bob, the tragically aggravating kid from THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY!

This movie provides everything our bodies and minds could possibly need!...