Ich, der Richter

I've been watching Armand Assante since he was one of the Mike Powers on The Doctors some 37 years ago, and in all that time, I've never once thought of him as Mike Hammer. I still don't.

In I, the Jury, Hammer goes to work on a different kind of case as he tries to find the killer of Jack Williams, a man who served with him in Vietnam and, while retrieving Mike's helmet, lost his arm. Jack was investigating something when he was killed, but what? After consulting Jack's widow, Mike finds out they went to sex therapy at a clinic, so he starts there. The head of the clinic, the beautiful Dr. Bennett (Barbara Carrera) freezes him out of her office. Mike ultimately realizes that Jack was there working undercover and found out something that resulted in him being murdered. This winds up involving Mike with the CIA, a mental patient, bad cops, and a rogue Army officer.

Lots of violence and nudity and in the end for me anyway, not worth it. Assante does as good a job as he can, but he's no Mike Hammer. For one thing, he is too exotic-looking, for another, he's not hard-boiled. He's too smooth and his Mike is juxtaposed against the backdrop of some of the seedier parts of New York City in 1982, before Disney moved into Times Square. I did absolutely love seeing the New York where I lived - the Times Square smut, Colony Records, the Broadway/7th Aveue area, great fun.

Not really my type of thing. It may be if you like violence and nude women, this is for you.

Everywhere I look, people say that this is the best Mike Hammer film to date, and I can't help but ask "why?" It just isn't very Mike Hammer. If perhaps it was just a ripoff of the pulp classic "I, the Jury" with Armand Assante, I would have enjoyed it. As a movie, it's pretty good considering it was pure 1980's action. But as Mike Hammer, it's weak.

The biggest differences between true Mike Hammer and this movie is Armand Assante's portrayal. He does a fine acting job, but Hammer is MEAN and always angry. In this, Assante is either manic depressive or smirking at the bad guys that he just beat. Mike Hammer gets into fist fights. Armand just pushes some people down stairs, doesn't throw punches. At least they got the ending right, although Armand Assante was still way too melancholy.

I can say several positive things about this movie. The scene when Assante does a full assault on the criminal's compound with an M-16 is well directed, a good solid action scene (no way connected with the book). Velda and Assante's love interests were both more interesting to watch than the rest of the movie.

In closing, I would like to say that Hollywood still has the chance to make a good, solid film based on Mike Hammer. Two tips: FOLLOW THE BOOK. Regardless of which book you use, follow it. Spillane wrote better than 90% of Hollywood anyways. And second, get someone who can be a mean and downright angry Mike Hammer, not depressed. I think Michael Madsen would fit the job well, he has the right look and the right voice.

Private Detective Mike Hammer (Armand Assante) investigates the murder of his friend Jack Williams who lost his arm to the Tet Offensive. Pat Chambers (Paul Sorvino) is the lead police detective in the case. Jack's wife Myrna reveals that they had been going to sex therapist Dr. Charlotte Bennett. His investigation connects Mike to a secret military program with help from his beautiful secretary Velda. Soon, they're hunted by mysterious agents. Mike follows the gun to mobster Charles Kalecki (Alan King).

Finding the bug seems very random. There are conveniences and contrivances. It's fine for an 80's action movie. It has the harden charisma of Assante although there is a bit of European coolness about him. It gives Hammer a nice sexiness. The plot is quite convoluted which borders on a Bond movie. Instead of a noir pulp detective, Bond does seem like the bigger inspiration. It's not until he gets a little bloodied that it starts to feel noir. There is even a bevy of Bond beauties. The only thing missing is the exotic locations. It's strictly New York City and that's perfectly good with its remaining sleaze. It fits the sex and violence. The production is closer to TV level except for the R-rated elements.

There is a reason this film is hardly ever mentioned today: it's a completely average and forgettable actioner that looks and sounds like a TV-movie (spiced-up with a little nudity and some gratuitous sleaze). The script is murky and the direction lacks style. Having not read a Mickey Spillane book so far, I can not estimate how accurate Armand Assante's interpretation of Mike Hammer is, but his performance seems acceptable. Less acceptable is Barbara Carrera, who has one facial expression throughout the film; at least she has a nude scene, which explains her casting. Laurene Landon, whom you might remember from "All The Marbles", is wasted as Hammer's devoted secretary. (*1/2)

This so-so detective yarn feels more like a TV movie than the noir-ish piece of cinema you might expect from a Spillane novel. But it has a few moments.

What makes this movie worth watching is the smoking Nicaraguan beauty Barbara Carrera. She has a fully-nude love scene that steals the show. If you're a Barbara Carrera fan, you should rent this movie and fast-forward to that scene (a little over 1 hour into the movie). You won't be disappointed.