The Ups and Downs of a Handyman

Let's just say that this one is pretty ugly. The sex scenes are terrible, the ladies won't cause even the likes of Christina "The Alien" Aguilera to lose any sleep in the beauty department, there are scenes that were stolen from "Benny Hill" (including the famous speed running scenes), and yes, the theme song is awful. Still, it's wicked fun to watch Barry Stokes (as The Handyman) find sex everywhere he goes. At least that's what you'll find in the "real world". You'd be lucky to spend an afternoon with Christina "The Alien" Aguilera.

A recently married young couple arrive in a quaint English village and - through fate - he starts to become very successful as a local odd job man. Although his success has little to do with his skill at fixing-and-making-good!

The above sentence might make this sound like a legit film like The Godfather and The Shawshank Redemption, but can I quickly dismiss such thoughts. Indeed consider the thought shot-down-in-flames. This is a straight out, head-on, show-me-the-money, no prisoners taken, attempt to exploit money from a soft-core sex romp.

(What the comedians call a "cold weather film" - you want to turn your collar up as you leave the cinema!)

The sex film is unique that it doesn't need any plot device or central theme. Indeed we reviewers get embarrassed by such omissions and try and pretend to see one ourselves.

Here the lead is a male Emmanuelle - someone who falls victim to other people's agendas: Unlike so many of cheap guy-trying-to-cop-off British sex comedies he never takes the sexual lead.

However when the housewife strips off, lays across the bed, mimes a quarter to three with her legs our hero catches on that there may be more to the job than fixing the bed leg. Like the household dog who sees a wild rabbit - he returns to his primitive self. However in post coital bliss he turns to his former state as the slow affable moron.

To link together and scenes and fill time we have weak comedy in the form of a spank happy Lord of Manor and a snooping policeman - who has nothing better to do then watch the antics of our bumbling hero. The village, obviously, being crime free.

(Bob Todd and Chic Murray - Lord and Policeman respectively - were respected character/comedy actors in their day, although long gone to the great music hall in the sky.)

The director (John Sealey) hardly worked again and you can see why! Is there anything more depressing than third rate dialogue captured on a genuine 35 mm film camera? It is almost a crime against cinema itself. This should be on Super 8!

For a moment I dream, and in this dream I win the lottery and move in to this village of sex starved zanies - where behind every door is a frustrated wife or a horny daughter with the IQ of a fish and the dress sense of a desperate stripper. If only such a place existed and I could move in - or even take a two week a year holiday.

Very bad sex British sex comedy from the 1970's. The film has reasonable amounts of nudity, but it is most remarkable for the truly appalling attempts at comedy. Did people find this sort of thing funny then? Or would they not show films in the cinema if they were just 90 minutes of nudity? But worst of all is the films title song - it must rank as one of the worst of any film, any time.

I`ve seen this film a few times ,and it seems quite similar to the Carry On films ,even poaching some of the same actors,but it`s good fun and harmless enough,although the house featured ,and definitely the bathroom ,I have also seen in a much more explicit short film entitled Big Boobed Lady (all in the course of research obviously). The storyline is quite weak ,but then that isn`t the point of the film.There`s some nice scenery and its definitely a village I wouldn`t mind living in ! There were a lot of saucy British comedy films like this in the 1970`s ,and this is a long way from being the worst of them.Check it out and have a good laugh !

We enjoy watching British sex comedies - there is great enjoyment to be had watching the comparatively innocent antics of hapless male protagonists trying desperately to get their end away.

The Ups and Downs of a Handyman barely stands up as entertainment even on the undemanding terms of British sex comedies. It is as boring as hell and has production values (and we use the term loosely) that make the Confessions series look like something from the Golden Era of the Hollywood studio system.

Barry Stokes makes for an objectionable protagonist - the arrogant theme song "wouldn't you like to be me" (not, really) gets the viewer off on the wrong foot. Instead of wanting to see Stokes f**k, you just wish he would f**k off. Robin Asquith at least had charm and a likable quality that endeared him to male and female viewers alike, come to think of it, even Jeremy Bulloch as Gil Masters in Can You Keep it up for a Week? was a more sympathetic character than Barry Stokes' Bob.

This was released on video with the cash-in title of Confessions of an Odd-Job Man, but the title fooled few people, as this catchpenny knock-off is quite simply appalling.

Avoid it in the same way that you would avoid and aggressive, hydrophobic dog foaming at the mouth.