Der Dritte bringt den Tod

For thirty-three years I'd been jonesing to see THE TEACHER, grindhouse auteur Hikmet Avedis' homage to THE GRADUATE, which somehow eluded me during its original Times Square run. Blessed is the patient schlock film fan, for his forbearance shall be rewarded. Thanks to the miracle of DVD and the munificence of BCI Eclipse, I finally caught up with this much-touted jewel in the Crown International catalog, and am pleased to report that it was all that and a bag of Swavorski rhinestones. Like its contemporary, THE GODFATHER: PART II, THE TEACHER is daring in its narrative structure. Unlike the Coppola film it's also ludicrous in the extreme, but then you can't have everything. Part leering soft-core romp, part tender coming-of-age drama, part stalk-and-chill suspenser, the movie's mismatched ingredients come together to form a blissfully surreal, silly whole.

The cast list alone makes it deserving of enshrinement in the Psychotronic Hall of Fame.

First and foremost, there's top-billed and bottom-perfect Angel Tompkins as a middle schooler's fantasy come to life, the hubba hubba homeroom teacher who just happens to be freshly divorced, hot to trot, and living right down the block. Charming and sensitive, Tompkins gives a performance that goes above and beyond the call of booty. She invests the role with such persuasive passion that one can almost believe her attraction to a most unlikely lust object: Jay North, the actor formerly known as Dennis the Menace, age twenty-two, sporting a double chin, a perpetual smirk, a Little Lord Fauntleroy page boy, and no discernible acting talent. To his credit, North is in the moment and then some during several graphic clinches with Angel.

Mr. Wilson would have been aghast. Or green with envy. I was both.

The call sheet also includes such bizarro world superstars as Med Flory (Worshefski, the bullying football player, in THE NUTTY PROFESSOR) as North's bullying father, Barry "Janos Skorzeny" Atwater as a snoopy sheriff, BURNT OFFERING's Anthony James as a psycho stalker, and in WTF-writ large cameos, Katherine "Mother of John" Cassevetes and Lady "Mother of Gena" Rowlands as a pair of chattering restaurant patrons.

I first saw "The Teacher" at a drive-in. I have owned it on VHS video and have ordered it on DVD. It is one of my all-time favorites and I guess, a guilty pleasure. I agree that Angel Tompkins carries the film and that Jay ("Dennis The Menace") North was a strange and rather ironic choice for her co-star. I don't recall any scene where they have sex on a rooftop in the rain, as someone else has previously commented and I have seen the film quite a few times. It is a breezy and enjoyable film, despite the strange, unexpected, out-of-place and unnecessary subplot about a psychotic admirer of Angel Tompkins character and an unexpected finale.

Not much to add from the mish mash of reviews. I will give it a shot anyway. First off, I do not think this film was meant to be taken seriously. I sense the irony in having Jay North as the naive teen being seduced by his lovely teacher. Added irony is that Jay North aka Sean and his teacher are being stalked by vet Anthony James aka Ralph. Hmmmm wasn't 'Dennis the Menace' the kid that just would not leave Mr. Wilson alone. Perhaps I am reaching, perhaps not. In any event, the acting did not stand out , except for Anthony James, who I felt was brilliant as the stereotypical psycho vet. For male viewers like myself... You have to love the 'generosity' of Angel Thompkins , showing off her natural assets. This was part of my set and I felt it was better than I expected. As you can see I do not expect much from these bulk movie deals . Worth a watch. I must admit , it was refreshing to see a film go against the tide of PC. I do not think film makers would have much guts to do a film like this today. This was a very average flick and please folks , accept it for what it is. I do think it was meant to be somewhat spoofy.

A hot-looking female teacher seduces a student while a psycho stalks them. In a plot that is not grounded in reality, the most implausible element is that this beautiful teacher practically throws herself at the doofus student but he avoids her like a scared puppy. Former child star North is terrible as the clueless student. Tompkins, a B-movie actress of the 1970s, is gorgeous and sexy as the "older" woman trying to impart carnal knowledge. She also gives a pretty good performance and is the main reason for watching this low-budget film. James is creepy as the psycho, but serves more as comic relief than as a scary villain.

After his last day in a Southern California high school, shyly cute virgin Jay North (as Sean Roberts) goes out with a friend to spy on beautifully-figured Angel Tompkins (as Diane Marshall). Also watching the topless young teacher is psychotic Anthony James (as Ralph Gordon). The sleazy-looking stalker is in love with Ms. Tompkins. They (and we) get to see Tompkins rubbing her naked upper body with suntan lotion. Then, a tragic accident occurs as North's friend falls off a warehouse tower. The luckless lad is also the little brother of Mr. James, who blames North for the incident. Tompkins, who is no longer North's teacher, seduces him. This makes James jealous...

The three main characters proceed through the story without rhyme or reason. Considering how haphazardly writer-director Howard Avedis presents the action; they often appear, understandably, lost. The main reason to watch is seeing Tompkins topless. She's never convincing as a teacher or "older woman," but the show stops every time Tomkins takes her shirt off. Her upturned assets are highly appealing. North gets bits of genuine acting in here and there, but it's an aimless effort. Far from his famous "Dennis the Menace" role, North appears to enjoy himself as an "R-rated" movie star. Inexplicably popping in and out, James suffers most from the production's overall weaknesses.

***** The Teacher (5/29/74) Howard Avedis ~ Angel Tompkins, Jay North, Anthony James, Marlene Schmidt