König Ballermann

The critics hate this movie (Maltin included) because they can't place it in a category. It is not a serious mob film (Godfather) nor is it a comedy (Johnny Dangerously) nor is it bumbling mob dark comedy (a la the recent Bruce Willis - Matthew Perry vehicle). Rather this is a cartoon. Note the introductory cartoon credits. The opening underwater scenes (two) and closing scene (envelope construction) are absolutely unique to American filmcraft and you don't know whether to laugh or be horrified. The lead character is an Englishman, brought over by an American mob boss and who must take off his glasses to shoot and carries automatic pistols with flowers carved in the ivory grips. Is this over the top or what? The enemy hitman has a hook (due to an amputation at our hero's hands) which he replaces with a wine bottle opener, artifical flowers, pruning shears, etc. Our hero also has a much younger, beautiful girlfriend (daytime teacher - nighttime club dancer wearing a feather top) who waits for his return hoping that this time he will make her his own (see 1000 other movies with that same device). Our hero tutors the younger mob wiseguy and both their girlfriends are kidnapped and abused by Mr. Big. Okay, so some of the movie is cliche and some is esoteric. The ambush at the bridge sequence is as visually stunning as any serious mob film. The shootout at the laundry scene is as good as the same scene in The Fugitive or the ending to Terminator. The sequence where Harry is pinned down by a sniper and his boss resces him by pulling up in an armored Rolls-Royce is great as the actors have their conversation while rounds skip off the roof. This is then followed by driving down a would be bomber who carries a bundle of dynamite like Wyle E. Coyote. Being filmed in Seattle, Florida and Los Angeles you never know whether you are supposed to be in New York or Chicago or where. Look for a Confederate Battle Flag during the parade scene where Harry re-enters the crowd. Look for Burt Young (Paulie from Rocky) as an uncredited mobster escorting Harry to see Bradford Dillman. You will be watching a one-of-a-kind movie, maybe not great or even good, but a movie unlike any other. Enjoy it for what it is.

Oddball take on the gangster movie courtesy of screenwriter Robert Dillon and director John Frankenheimer. Richard Harris is Harry Crown, a killer in the employ of mob boss Frank Kelly (Edmond O'Brien). Frank hires Harry to rub out Frank's chief rival, Big Eddie (Bradford Dillman), but Big Eddie ups the stakes by kidnapping Harry's new lady friend Buffy, played by Harris's real-life wife Ann Turkel. It takes place in a slightly futuristic milieu, and the fact that it's intended to be a satire and is never exactly taking itself that seriously is its main appeal, with the cartoon opening credits establishing the tone early on. It comes up with some effective images along the way, like the scores of corpses wearing cement shoes that have been dumped into the ocean (accompanied by Harris's narration) and the sight of actual alligators in the sewers. There's also the rousing music score by Henry Mancini to add to the fun factor. The problem is that the movie just doesn't have a whole lot of energy; it falls flat a lot of the time. It plods a little too much and seems longer than it is. In any event, the cast certainly gives it 100 (as opposed to 99 and 44/100) percent, with a droll Harris in the lead, and highly amusing performances by O'Brien and Dillman. Turkel, Janice Heiden as Clara, and Kathrine Baumann as Baby all provide the movie with appreciable eye candy. In fact, Baumann figures in what is one of the better sequences in the movie when Harry is working to prevent a bomb from going off; the sequence has fine tension. A good unlikely chase sequence involves a school bus, but one of the most enjoyable elements is seeing Harry take on Big Eddie's enforcer, Marvin "Claw" Zuckerman, played to the hilt by the wonderful Chuck Connors, so named because he puts claws, guns, and other implements on the end of his arm where Harry had hacked off the real deal some time ago. This could and should have been more fun overall, but it does have its moments. Fans of the actors should be satisfied. Six out of 10.

John Frankenheimer's post modern stab at the crime genre comes hot off the heels of Michael Ritchie's Prime Cut (from the same author no less), only the tone is more cutesy and the body count is nearly tripled. After a Pycal-inspired opening and an excellent underwater graveyard montage, we are introduced to pearly pistol gripped gangster Richard Harris who's en route to Chicago (?) to help win a dangerous mob war. The substandard mafia plot sits second tier to the film's sporadic comedy spoofing and mugging, much of what both fails and succeeds simultaneously at the hands of its dramatic director who must have been at the peek of his well publicized cocaine binge. Harris, with his balding curl mullet and wide-brimmed glasses resembles a young Michael Caine or Woody Allen depending on the lighting and camera angle, but performs his actions and delivers his dialog like a stone cold stoic; the juxtaposition is startling and dare I say cool as hell. Action scenes come out of nowhere and are framed and executed with professionalism, including a crazy ambush on an elevated bridge, and Chuck Conner's interchangeable James Bond claw which can alternate between knives and sex toys given the occasion. Much maligned and obscure gem. The skeletal dead humans and accompanying narrator reminds me of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland.

"99 and 44/100% Dead!" is usually known as one of John Frankenheimer's lesser movies, but it's entertaining enough for its short run. This typical gangster spoof casts Richard Harris as a hitman hired by his uncle due to a challenge by a rival gangster. I moved to Seattle last year, so it was neat to see some of the places where I've been (namely Gasworks Park). They don't say where it takes place, but most of it does appear to be the Emerald City.

Yeah, it was pretty much what I expected: lots of gunfire, hot babes, and cool fight scenes. Frankenheimer later admitted that he didn't really know what kind of movie he was making. I guess that after "The Birdman of Alcatraz" and "Seven Days in May", he felt like he was getting held to high standards. As far as I'm concerned, this movie is all about just being funny, and it is. Good enough.

44 things (out of 100) about this movie:

Ann Turkel is gorgeous. Bradford Dillman gives a supremely bad performance. Chuck Connors' scenes are the best scenes in the movie. Edmond O'Brien, one of my favorites, is decent in this forgettable film. The underwater opening is a lot of fun. Richard Harris is half cool, half wooden. Married To The Mob is better than this. Smokin Aces is better than this. Lucky Number Slevin is better than this. Frankenheimer isn't necessarily meant to do comedy. Richard Harris likes to take his glasses off in dramatic fashion, make sure they click-clack noisily as he fiddles with them, and then manfully put them back on his face. The blocks of cement seem too light. I'll say Ann Turkel is gorgeous twice, because it'll help me get to 44 Things faster. True Romance is a hundred times better than this. Snatch is much better than this (and I still must see Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels). I think you get what kind of (better) films this movie compares to. They probably should have come up with a different title for this thing. If you like accumulating Super-Guilty Pleasures you can't do much better than this. Hard to believe he's the same director of Seconds and The Manchurian Candidate. Richard Harris did his fair share of odd, somewhat unpalatable movies. The dialogue should have been more humorous. It's like they saw Live And Let Die and decided a gangster movie needs alligators and a guy with a hook for a hand even more than a spy movie does. I've seen much worse than this, but still, is this anybody's favorite movie??

The plot, gangster turf war, is pretty much irrelevant. Ronin improves on the car chases and the night-time bridge shoot-out stuff. Ronin is a better movie. Back to those phony-sounding bullet ricochets we had to endure in movies for years. Richard Harris also likes loading and unloading his guns, but then all these action guys like playing with their weapons. Thank goodness Tarantino found a way to attach a great script and story to this kind of vibe. Henry Mancini's music works fine. Early version of dude walking away from building as it blows up, and having absolutely no reaction at all (apparently the epitome of Cool). The 1970s are a hotbed of totally watchable bad movies. The secret to enjoying this is not to expect a masterpiece, but just sit back and don't think. I thought there'd be more blood. I think this one may be better than Johnny Dangerously. The young ladies in this movie are all quite pretty. Ann Turkel looks a bit like Raquel Welch, just in case that's a look you appreciate. Some of the fight scenes are less than convincing.

44/100% Dead should really be written as 22/50% Dead--or no, I guess not, that's stupid. Now I kind of want to check out Humanoids From The Deep. But I don't want to check out Island Of Dr Moreau (Frankenheimer version).

The next oddball gangster flick I plan to finally check out is Bound, which will probably be better than this. Ann Turkel drives a mean school bus. Dick Tracy is better than this, though we do get some cartoony colors here too, now and then.

Chuck Connors finds the right vibe for this film, and if the rest of the movie had taken a lesson from him, this could have been a lot more satisfying.

That was 44, unless I've miscounted.