Tiffany Jones

The producers must have given up on this film before production even started. Very weak script, while based on a comic strip, the comic had better dialogue. Plot is simple but also juvenile. The acting extremely mediocre as if no one cared. Much of the sets, props & costumes are sparse or weak. Cinematography slightly above amateur. Music, very dated though nothing memorable even when made. So what is left? Bare bodies. You see the lead actress in states of undress a number of times, often as a running gag thru the movie, though no laughs by me. One extended scene has a number of girls getting undressed (some full frontal) but the camera jumps around so much, doubt anyone gets excited from it. I originally gave 4 stars but as I wrote the above review, changed it to only 3 stars. It really is an awful movie. An hour in I just wanted it to end. I recommend you save your time and watch any other movie.

According to the big old website we're currently expounding in, Anouska Hempel, hotel designer and star of 'Tiffany Jones', bought up the rights to the film so it would never be seen (whether she returned her fee is another matter). Imagine her pique when she sees it's on Prime for free for everyone.

Poor Anouska (now Lady Weinberg) knows in her heart of hearts that her flesh being on view is the ONLY reason anyone would watch 'Tiffany Jones'. In every other respect, it's hopeless. A 'political' comedy which would, deservedly, be mouldering in oblivion were it not for her jaw-dropping turn.

Carry-On bit-parters and scarcely remembered 60's horror extras, soap opera mainstays and cheap tv ad regulars vie for screen time. It doesn't look as if any of them are interested in furthering the pathetic plot. I'd like to have seen how they sold the extremist chef roles to the actors.

If Anouska's annoyed at her own body, imagine her ire when she sees Ray Brooks' hair or hears the painful theme song.

In my humble (narrator?) opinion, Ms Hempel is almost Pam Grier and Diana Rigg level on the swoon in disbelief chart. She is a STAGGERINGLY beautiful woman. By modern standards, up there with Emelia Clarke and Toy off 'Run To The Movies'. Men have eaten their own heads for lesser legs than hers. Hitler would surely have stopped his messing about had she been on hand to calm things. Her presence - shucked-down or not - never fails to sticky-up a quivering screen . . But her 'Tiffany Jones' is a turkey of equally high order. A stiff. A bozo. A rotten old sock.

You sit there thinking: one day this movie will end . .

I didn't get far into this before, realising how bad it was, then skimmed through the rest of it to have that initial impression confirmed. It really is a cheap, nasty, offensive piece of junk. The one positive is the beauty of Miss Hempel, but neither her acting, the script, nor the people surrounding her can raise this above the level of disaster.

You may recall this kind of muck that was prevalent in the 70s - Mary Millington, Fiona Fullerton, etc. This is a prime example. The attempts at humour are sub-infantile, the nudity is unimpressive (imagine the desultory naked women from a 60s movie, like Woodstock, for example) and everything about it is simply an insult to the intelligence. I'm not surprised Miss Hempel tried to wipe it from history.

I just wish she had been successful.

Anouska Hempel bought the rights to this film to stop it being released. A lot of actresses change careers, but acknowledge the fans that put them were they are today. Sam Fox doesn't get them out any more, but she still appreciates stripping off and being a huge personality put her on the map. Luckily a VHS release on the Jezebel (which put-out cult sexploitation films) imprint of Salvation Films was released in the late 90s.

The film is based off a British comic strip, about a sort of female spy with St Trinians-esque capers. The film is absolute rubbish. Sure, most of these British sex films weren't funny or sexy, but at least most like Confessions Of A Window Cleaner weren't boring. There is very little nudity or sex in this film despite an overly-zealous BBFC 18 rating and very little action. I've heard the similar film The Big Zapper is better, but I've not seen it. To me it seemed like the budget was too small or Pete Walker had his hands tied in some way, maybe the budget or the source material.

I watched this as Pete Walker completest and as a fan of crappy British cult films. The version I saw was a rip of aforementioned VHS tape. I can't recommend this to anyone as a film experience apart from for its scarcity and cult status.

This atypical Pete Walker romp is a far cry from the horror fare he would later put out - and much worse in quality, too. Based on a long-forgotten comic strip, it features THE SCARS OF DRACULA's Anouska Hempel as the titular character, who finds herself getting intimate with the tyrannical ruler of a made-up country. Somehow, somewhere this seems to have been devised as a gender-swap Bond spoof, but something's lost along the way. Instead we get grating comedy, endless nudity from Hempel, an excruciating nude bathing sequence that goes on forever, and a cast of famous faces (including poor old Eric Pohlmann) deserving better.