TeenAlien

Local teenagers are holding a Halloween party at a supposedly "haunted" old mill, but find out that one of the party-goers who is dressed as an alien is actually a real alien.

I don't think one person affiliated with this movie ever did anything else. There is a reason for that. It really really sucks.

The version i saw was called The Yarrow Mission. Doesn't change the fact that this movie is a stinker.

Starts with a drunk making hooch and the reels were wound too tightly so the sprockets are all messed up and the picture is jumpy.

There like an earthquake and show figures. This opening goes on and on with no payoff for what seems like half the movie. Finally the radio explodes and there is a space ship. By now -- and this is the beginning of the movie -- you will be tuning out. Scenes go on for ever and ever.

How'd they get the money for this to be made?

You have no idea how much work went into this thing to make it as good as you saw. Or should I say not as bad as it could have been. The producer even had a scene written specially for his little darlings to star in. The pumpkin carving scene. The producer did everything as cheaply as possible. That included not paying for anything he could get for free. The make up was done by a teenage cast member, me. The sets were also done by the cast. My mother supplied all of the costumes but the rubber monster suit. But you finally figure out what's wrong with this show when you understand that it was cast for free, as a radio station contest. All the kids in the show but me won a contest to "star in a movie." I was acting a commercial when the camera man told me to show up to "be in his movie." World's worst movie, darn right. But it WAS made by teenagers.

Yes, this movie is lame. There were only a few members of the cast with any real acting experience. The rest were extras with lines, which were mostly forgettable.

However, I have family members who were involved in filming it and I would like to be able to torture them with it...

So where can I get my hands on a copy???

In the late 1950s, the residents of a small Utah township report strange happenings in the vicinity of their town -- some even report seeing alien spaceships, but one is ever able to confirm this -- at least no one living! Now after more than 25 years, the waiting is over. And a new generation is about to experience the horror of -- THE VARROW MISSION.

In all of my years watching movies -- and I've seen thousands -- this is the worst, most terrible, sad, pathetic, pitiable, confusing and generally so-screwed-up-it-must-be-a-joke-movie I have ever seen. For context, here are some other bad movies: The Meat Eater, Space Mutiny, and Platoon. (Yes, THAT Platoon.) But this is the worst. I came across this film in the bargain bin at a Blockbuster video store in Toronto --it came free with two rentals. The other bargain box films I got included a seasonal highlight video for the 1990 Houston Rockets and the best of Victor Borge (which was awesome.) But this movie was a terrible mistake. It haunts me to this day -- it is the worst movie ever made, and always will be, with no hyperbole or post-modernist sarcasm. It's not even a movie, as far as I can tell.

If you are the concerned parent of a preteen who wants to see a "scary movie", I wholeheartedly recommend TEENALIEN(aka THE VARROW MISSION)as a perfect choice. This film is devoid of gore, contains no nudity, vulgarity, or profanity, and features nothing at-all objectionable.

In any other case, I'd wholeheartedly dissuade you from seeing TEENALIEN(aka THE VARROW MISSION), as it is devoid of gore, contains no nudity, vulgarity, or profanity, and features nothing at-all objectionable.

An old mill-house being used by a group of high-schoolers for a Halloween "spook show" is actually the headquarters of an in-progress alien invasion. The transpiring events are strictly formula, presented with very little creativity and obvious disinterest. To put it mildly, this picture so valueless that the very film it's printed on is struggling to wipe itself clean. The next time you see it in the "horror" section of a video shop, please drop it into the "family" section where it belongs. Better yet...drop it into a waste basket where it *really* belongs.

2.5/10. Peeuw.