Matilda

I knew exactly what I was getting into with Matilda. I knew it was a movie starring Elliott Gould as the manager of a boxing kangaroo. It was the most absurd premise I'd ever heard, but since it was Robert Mitchum's time as Star of the Week on Hot Toasty Rag, and since he's one of my favorite celebrity boyfriends, I wanted to show my loyalty by watching every movie of his I could get my hands on. My logic was, if he had to suffer through making such a terrible movie, the least I could do was support him by watching it.

Well, I made it through twenty minutes. It took that long for Robert Mitchum-who, thank goodness, got the respectful "and" in the credits-to show up. He's attending a fight featuring Matilda the boxing kangaroo, and he looks at a publicity poster outside the event. "That is absolutely preposterous," he says in his fantastic voice. I agreed with him so very much. I could practically hear his spirit whisper over my shoulder, "Honey, you've seen 74 of my movies. You don't have to sit through this one." So, I fast-forwarded through all the scenes Bob wasn't in. I still managed to see a man in a kangaroo costume hop around a boxing ring, Elliott Gould act like an idiot, and Clive Revill pretending the man-kangaroo is his family. I felt so sorry for director Daniel Mann, who once directed heavy dramas like Come Back, Little Sheba and Hot Spell. The only bright part of the movie was Robert Mitchum's beautifully thick, wavy hair.

I was fortunate as a 12-year old to see this film at Radio City Music Hall, as one of the last regular engagements before the Music Hall converted to a concert hall. I don't remember much about the film and won't try and defend it, but it was exciting to see it in the context of a Radio City presentation, complete with Rockettes and organ and all!

It's a shame that there haven't been more films shown on that great and grand screen. I don't know why films like TITANIC and THE DARK KNIGHT and WALL-E wouldn't have worked a treat there for short runs at the start of their lives.

It is a blessing that the theatre is intact and still gloriously vibrant and active. What a joy to experience, even peripherally, the thrill that our parents and grandparents felt when going to the movies.

There are many, many examples of wonderful classic Hollywood actors appearing in films that are total garbage....and you wonder why Clark Gable would star in "Parnell" or Gene Kelly in "Xanadu" or Cary Grant in "It All Came True". I don't know if they had agents who were out of their minds or the studios were holding loved ones captive in order to force the actors to make these dreck films...but in yet another example, somehow Robert Mitchum starred in "Matilda"...and you wonder WHY!

"Matilda" is the story of a boxing kangaroo...and this one dons boxing gloves and boxes people! Does this sound ludicrous? Of course! And, when you think about it, so was seeing Francis the Talking Mule playing football or Mr. Ed trying out for the L.A. Dodgers....but they really DID make these movies no matter how ludicrous the premises would seem!

When the story begins, an ex-boxer brings Bernie Bonnelli (Elliot Gould) his boxing kangaroo, Matilda, to meet him. Bernie is shocked that the animal can box and he teams up with a sports writer (Robert Mitchum) to sell the public on the boxing beast. Unfortunately for Bernie, the kangaroo knocks out a top boxer who is owned by the Mob...and they vow to get revenge. In addition to these folks, Ms. Smith is an animal rights advocate and she vows to stop the animal from entering the ring.

The way that Elliot Gould deals with the animal rights activist is just amazing....both stupid AND incredibly sexist. When she's in her hotel room showering, he breaks in to see her. When she comes out in a robe, he makes a few sexist remarks and grabs her...kissing her very soundly. Suddenly, she's under his spell and remains so throughout the film!! Talk about stupid and offensive!!! This is exactly the sort of writing you see through the movie--terrible beyond belief though the actors seem to try their best with an utterly ridiculous plot and less believable dialog.

But it's not all about stupid writing. The movie also suffers horribly from the Matilda costume. Obviously there's some guy inside the suit...and the creature is one of the creepiest animals I've ever seen in a movie. It's MORE creepy than the creatures in "Cats" or the title character in "Sonic the Hedgehog", that's for sure!

So is there any reason to see this? Well, if you like seeing actors like Gould and Mitchum committing career suicide, then by all means watch it! And, if you are a bad movie buff, it's also worth seeing. Otherwise....steer clear, as it's junk...and that's being charitable!!

American-International cancelled its plans to widely market and release this movie after disasterous test runs - a wise plan, but upon seeing the movie you have to wonder why they even bothered with test runs. I have no idea how the tale of a boxing kangaroo played in the original Paul Gallico novel, but nothing works about it translated into a movie. Kids won't like it - they will be confused half the time with details like sports corruption and boxing rules/regulations, and the other half of the time they'll be finding the events remarkably unfunny and unengaging. Adults will be finding the events remarkably unfunny and unengaging *all* the time!

It's not just the script that's bad. Though the movie had something of a budget, the production looks remarkably cheap and tacky. Obviously, that includes the kangaroo animatronic costume, which looks so phony that even a two year-old will recognize it's a man in a costume. Though there are also things like sets that look like, well, SETS, and dirty and unfocused cinematography.

Nobody behind the scenes seems to have put any heart and passion in the production, and it's no wonder the actors are dragged down with it. Gould (who further killed his career with this movie) does put in some effort despite the fact you can see in his eyes that he knows he's in a stinker, but his broad performance ends up adding to the feeling the movie is mocking the viewer. At least it is a performance; Robert Mitchum doesn't even TRY putting in any effort in his scenes (which were clearly knocked off in a couple of days at most!)

Still, the movie clearly could have been worse. That's because there are signs that the movie was originally LONGER! One example: take the scene where the mobsters are attempting to jump the kangaroo for the first time - one of them utters "This time we'll...." - indicating there was originally another scene earlier when they tried to get the kangaroo. Think about it: somewhere in some vault, there exists a longer version of this movie! Scary!

This film is bad, yes, but had the producers used a REAL KANGAROO, it would have killed the actor it was boxing with. I am an Australian and I have seen two seven foot tall male 'Roos fighting each other, it is not a pretty sight as the object is for one or the other to kill it's opponent,(this is there way of securing the herd of females) and there are incidents where someone has boxed a kangaroo, and been injured or killed, so when you see a kangaroo on TV or Film it is likely to be a female, or Animated, as it is a good idea not to injure actors (they might be annoyed at losing the ability to breath). There is a strange idea that Australian animals are cute and cuddly, that is false, many are dangerous (10 of the 12 most deadliest snakes live here)and most are just plain ugly (Koalas are as soft as steal wool). So if you come to Australia BE CAREFULL!!!