Queen Gorilla

Never has a film contained so much embarrassment. Not only on the part of the directors, producers, writers and actors, but on the person who has accidentally been duped into watching it. Perhaps the first thing I should say is that I watch bad movies - BAD movies - all the time. They don't phase me, I can sometimes see things in bad films that others can't. Maybe those things aren't there. Either way, bad movies get a lot of bad rep.

Farouk (Frank) Agrama's 1976 atrocity, Queen Kong, is almost certainly the worst film I have ever seen. Worse than Plan 9. Worse than Raiders of the Living Dead. Worse than Bride of the Monster. It is about 750 billion times worse than the Dino DeLaurentiis remake of King Kong and about 984 billion times worse than Peter Jackson's over-long take on the story.

Frankly, this film was doomed from the start. It was produced by Harmony Gold, a typically useless independent company (though they managed to drag themselves out of the gutter in the 80's and are now quite reputable). The writers/producers Ronald Dobrin (Robin Dobria) and Farouk Agrama (Frank Agrama) have assembled one of the worst casts, constructed THE worst ape suit and hired the least skilled effects technicians. The result is, as you can imagine, not pretty.

Much of the film takes place in Lazanga (where they do the Konga...apparently) though you would be forgiven for mistaking it for the English countryside. Combined with the bottom rate acting of Robin Askwith (better know for "Confessions of a Window Cleaner" which is hardly Citizen Kane) and the obviously embarrassed Rula Lenska, this is indeed a depressing affair. The utterly ridiculous ape suit is beyond laughable - much like the film itself - it is just depressing.

As the location moves to London (which recreates the theater scene from the 1933 King Kong in a cheaply designed open air setup) the script descends even further and the production values crash and burn. Surprisingly, it isn't the first time London has been ravaged by a giant ape (see 1961's KONGA) but it IS the first time the ape has looked so unconvincing. Cue cut scenes of postcard London landmarks and a dire-straits intimate moment between Queen Kong and Ray Fay (like Fay Wray - geddit?). Before you know it the film is over and you have lost 90 minutes of you life.

If you want to see a bad film, watch Agrama's 1980 effort (Dawn Of The Mummy) and avoid this one. It is beyond being simple 'bad', it is a crime against cinema (it seems that Paramount Pictures agreed, they attempted to sue Harmony Gold in 1976). This film is also guilty of theft. It WILL steal 90 minutes from you which you WON'T get back. Go ahead, call the police, they won't be interested! Do yourself a favour. Don't. Just don't.

When I saw Konga from 1961, I thought it was the worst King Kong parody ever made. I had no idea how wrong I was before watching this. Even for a comedy/parody, it was atrocious and depressing to watch.

This movie was meant to capitalize on the 1976 remake of King Kong and seemingly mix it with a Monty Python styled comedy, but thanks to the shoestring budget of $632,000 and total incompetence of the cast and crew, this film is so shamelessly campy and cheap, it was a jaw dropping failure.

The sets for the village and wall were incredibly cheap and the miniature city Queen Kong rampages through doesn't look very good either. Even by budget 70s movie standards, the creature effects were God-awful. The Queen Kong suit looked inferior to Konga with only her eyes being functional. The T-Rex and Pteranodon suits were even worse being loose fitting, rubber outfits that looked less impressive than a child's home-made Halloween costume. You can even see the monsters moving among normal sized plants and trees because there wasn't enough money for a miniature forest set.

I know this is a parody, but they could have at least tried to improvise more or rework the humor. Just so you know, Monty Python and the Holy Grail only cost about half as much as this and was a smash hit. Maybe if the crew handled things a little differently with their meager budget, they could have made a somewhat better film, but that never happened.

The camera footage often looked fogged up or messy and haphazardly jumps from one sloppy shot to the next. Half the time he spends being carried by Queen Kong, Askwith is obviously in front of a projector screen with a background so blurry, you can't even make it out.

The God-awful 70's rock song in the opening credits had some of the most hilariously bad and cringeworthy lyrics I've ever heard. "Queenie for my weenie?" Oh brother... "Liberated Lady" was only slightly more bearable to listen to. There's even this cheesy disco music playing as Queen Kong chases the group through the jungle that made it feel like a Scooby-Doo skit.

The cast gave an unsurprisingly corny and lazy performance. Lenska looks and sounds absolutely miserable throughout the whole movie and Askwith was really irritating. Both of them were humiliated to have starred in this mess, and who can blame them?

I can't even describe this as so bad, it's good. More like, it's so bad, it's horrible and almost unwatchable so don't waste your time.

Queen Kong (1976)

BOMB (out of 4)

A tough female director is in the tough jungle with her tough female crew when the latest actor quits. She's able to find a man (Robin Askwith) who takes the lead role but once in the jungle the crew runs into a giant female ape. Sure enough, the ape falls for the man.

QUEEN KONG is a British production that was meant to try and make fun of the Dino De Laurentiis film KING KONG. This wasn't just your typical rip-off but the film also tried to be something like Monty Python and to say it failed would be an understatement. If you read around for reviews you'll see that there are many people out there who hate it like me. However, I think some of the reviews were quite unfair. As awful as the movie is I'd argue that it was at least semi well-made and it at least wasn't on the same level as something from Jerry Warren.

With that said, it was quite torturous to sit through this film because of how unfunny it is. I mean, there wasn't a single time throughout the film where I even cracked a smile. The worst thing about the movie is the fact that it's so darn annoying and that's especially true for the lead actor who is given some of the worst one-liners that you're ever going to hear. I'm not sure what type of drugs were being passed around by the screenwriters but whatever lines they wrote that they thought was funny just didn't come across on the screen.

Even with the comedy being so awful one would wish that they could at least have some fun with the monsters but that's not the case either. They all look incredibly cheap and awful but to be fair they're really no better or worse than the majority of the Godzilla movies that were made earlier in the decade. QUEEN KONG has an awful reputation and it really deserves it. The entire idea just really blows up in the viewers face and they're left with a really challenging movie to get through.

What is most profoundly remarkable about 'Queen Kong' is that as it begins, the movie demonstrates genuine promise. Over the top as everything immediately is, my reaction wavered between delight and dismay - before I had time to process one passing moment, the mood flipped with the next. Yet overall my initial response was laughing with the picture, more heartily than I have in a little while. There were some great ideas to start, and my hopes were raised.

Unfortunately, that positive first impression is not maintained after about the first ten minutes. The entertainment only ever diminishes, and watching becomes a bit of a chore well before the end credits roll.

This is unquestionably a parody, so unserious in that angle as to occasionally include humor referential or non sequitur, and break the fourth wall. More than that, of course - for whatever jokes and absurdities are included along the way, 'Queen Kong' is above all an obvious direct send-up of the 1933 classic 'King Kong,' lampooning each and every story beat for comedic effect. By all means, there's nothing inherently wrong with this; spoofs can be very funny and enjoyable.

It's hard to describe what went wrong with this particular film, but what it comes down to is that the attempts at comedy mostly just aren't funny as meager cleverness quickly gives way to tired mediocrity. It doesn't help that the writing and direction is pointedly gauche and careless. I can appreciate that for some viewers idiosyncrasies such as featuring a flubbed line in the final cut, or disregarding internal consistency and continuity, may be endearing, and part of the fun. For me, it disrupts suspension of disbelief, and so thoroughly befuddles as a film-making peculiarity as to at best distract from whatever transpires next. And then there scenes that serve no purpose whatsoever - if 'Queen Kong' were made in 2021, Linda Hayden's involvement may be chalked up to a crowdfunding stretch goal that was surpassed, and so an unnecessary moment is forced in as wish fulfillment to cast a noteworthy star. The course of events that led to her addition in 1976 are mysterious to me: Favor for a friend? Contractual obligation? Who knows.

The movie tries to ham-handedly include themes including sexism, and feminism, comparing the plight of Queen Kong to the treatment of women in contemporary society. Were the screenplay strong enough to support the argument, I could even back the thesis that the lead character of Luce Habit, in her ambition and ego, is in part a reflection of how all too often "breaking the glass ceiling" really means nothing more than writing female-coded figures in the same way that male-coded figures would be. However, these notions are not approached with any real effort, or especial sincerity - and are further undercut by writing and camerawork that illustrates the male gaze. Does 'Queen Kong' actually want to explore these themes, and just fails to do so? Does it want to cheekily play off these themes, and just isn't funny enough to show it? It's impossible to say for sure, just as it's impossible to tell the intent or awareness behind passing dialogue or moments that toe the line with racism, or homophobia.

I was genuinely excited when I first started watching, because the earliest scenes defied the poor reception this film had otherwise seemed to elicit. But disappointment soon took over, turning increasingly to a sense of embarrassment. I don't doubt for one instant that there are folks who love the sort of movie 'Queen Kong' is, and find this specific picture an absolute charm. I am glad for them. What I see, however, is a feature with varying and uncertain levels of labor, diligence, earnestness, and discretion - but a level of humor and amusement that is dependably very low, or absent.

Oh well.

"Queen Kong" has been hard to find on DVD or even video until very recently. Sadly it really isn't worth the effort, but there are many laughs to be had at how bad it is.

The film parodies the exact same plot as the famous classic, the twist here being that all the genders have been reversed. I don't think that would ever have worked as a movie, but as the budget here is so excruciatingly low, it is doomed no matter how funny the jokes are...and they are NOT. The general tone is something along the lines of a1970's Benny Hill special, most obvious in a scene when the lady jungle explorers walk past a giant Muppet-style animated plant tendril which proceeds to grope them in the boobs and bums as they jiggle past, squealing in light hearted protest. Yes folks, it really is that low. Well maybe that's harsh, in fact "light-hearted" is quite an apt description, as nearly all of the cast behave as though they are convinced that nobody is ever going to see this movie and they all just enjoy themselves without trying to actually do any acting at all.

I'll take Rula Lenska out of that observation though, as she does actually apply herself to the thankless role of "Luce Habit" the movie director and big game hunter, even though the lines she has to say are all toe-curlingly awful. It seems to me like the whole movie script was worked out on one evening in a bar and written on a napkin. In contrast to Rula Lenska, Robin Askwith behaves like he's got no brain at all.

The giant ape herself doesn't look too bad (yes - I was surprised too!), but no real effort is made to make her look 64 feet tall...she's constantly filmed next to very ordinary bushes and shrubs that never look remotely like full sized trees. Amazingly, there are some very large and not too shabby miniature sets made up to look like Tower Bridge and other parts of London, but sadly the budget must have been used up on making Tower Bridge, as when Queen Kong climbs Big Ben, they blend her image with just a photograph of the tower, and we only ever see the pointed roof in close up! What really screws "Queen Kong" into the ground is the really, REALLY, bad jokes in the script, which honestly would have been turned down by even the lamest TV sitcom. Very funny jokes would have made the threadbare production values bearable, but as it stands there's nothing good coming at you from any angle. Only the rarity of the movie makes this DVD worth tracking down.