Der Spion, der aus dem Speiseeis kam

My wife will be happy to tell you that I watch a lot of bad movies, but usually in the genre of "so bad that they're good." The first movie in this series fell into that category, but this sequel moved the "bad" needle way past the "camp" point to the point of no return.

The plot is paper-thin, the dubbing is awful, the sets, rear projections, models, and special effects are grade-school level, and most of the actors are unbearable. The "funny" Italian duo (who I guess were big Italian stars...the short one reminds me vaguely of Larry Storch) never even APPROACH funny, especially with their dubbed voices. (Why do bad movies like this always use voice actors who use cartoon voices rather than normal speech?) You know the movie is in trouble when the director calls for sped-up action (a la Benny Hill).

Vincent Price, who would do anything for money, floats above the cesspool to some degree, especially when he's hamming it up straight to the camera. The other saving feature is Les Baxter's generic 60s score, with whiffs of the Tijuana Brass. If you survive to the end, you'll hear one of the worst closing themes since "The Green Slime."

MASTER PLAN: blow up key U.S. generals with booby-trapped girl robots. The diabolical Dr. Goldfoot is back, in this sequel to "Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine"(65). No lie! How they talked Vincent Price into this, I'm not sure, though he was already hamming it up in the previous movie. Here he's joined by a couple of comics who were Italy's answer to Abbott & Costello. Teen heartthrob Fabian replaces teen heartthrob Frankie Avalon as an agent of S.I.C., oh, yes! Rather than simple theft, which he indulged in previously, here Goldfoot teams with the Chinese for probable world domination (those dastardly Chinese - see also "Battle Beneath the Earth" which came out around the same time). Goldfoot explains all this by speaking directly to the audience, breaking that 4th wall. He still uses a machine which manufactures female robots, all dressed in golden bathing suits and boots, which he sends to kiss various generals; an intense enough smooch sets off an explosion. The only general left standing is Goldfoot's double. All this is kind of incidental; the main plot has the two main leads/buffoons improbably/accidentally join up with S.I.C. as agents.

Goldfoot, of course, is a broad parody of the outrageous villains from the James Bond films. He has a swimming pool of killer fish, probably something like piranha, so, every now and then, a skeleton turns up, freshly cleaned. This also copies "Our Man Flint" a bit, with the latest IBM computer (Rita) sabotaged by Goldfoot when it selects the best agents for the job. The two comedians are not very subtle, with over-the-top mugging, and a lot of the action is sped up (undercranked) to give it that slapstick silent comedy feeling. Otherwise, much of the humor falls flat, though it does pick up near the end. I've written that the previous Goldfoot movie was the most ridiculous parody of the Bond craze, but this Italian take on the whole thing takes it to yet another level. The final half-hour gives a new meaning to the term 'absurdity,' involving a balloon trip by the heroes which touches off of heaven at one point and then chases down a supersonic jet plane! Laura Antonelli figures prominently in these last few scenes; she became a somewhat famous sex symbol in Italian sex farces in the seventies. My DVD version was in Italian, with optional English subtitles. Heroes:3 Villain:4 Femme Fatales:5 Henchmen:2 Fights:2 Stunts/Chases:3 Gadgets:3 Auto:2 Locations:3 Pace:3 overall:3

The first Dr. Goldfoot movie seemed like a lot of fun in theory - a campy, spy spoof starring horror legend Vincent Price as a mad scientist with an army of beautiful female robots. Unfortunately, it doesn't live up to expectations. It's pretty awful, and REALLY unfunny. This sequel, believe it or not, is even worse. To add insult to injury it was directed by the (usually) brilliant Mario Bava, and released in the same year as his classic shocker 'Kill, Baby...Kill!' What went wrong exactly is hard to say but EVERYTHING about this movie stinks. Price really plays it for laughs but the script is rotten. Instead of Frankie Avalon, this time around it's Fabian. And most of the "comedy" is supplied by a couple of atrocious Italian comedians called Franco and Ciccio. Man, they are just SO bad, you won't believe it! The only thing that stopped me from switching this garbage off was perving at the gorgeous Laura Antonelli, who I had previously seen in Massimo Dallamano's 'Venus In Furs', which I highly recommend. 'Dr Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs' is an all time low for Mario Bava, and the worst movie I've ever seen Vincent Price appear in. It's an awful sequel to an awful movie, and my advice is AVOID.

The first movie was not what I call a good movie, but it did have a certain campiness and fun to it. This sequel however is just a weird mess in almost every way. The only redeeming qualities were the beautiful girls and especially Vincent Price's more expanded and deliciously arch performance. In regard to Price, Dr Gooldfoot and the Girl Bombs is arguably his worst film(though Green Hell and Story of Mankind are just as poor as well) but he being Price looks as though he was at least he was enjoying himself, though I read somewhere that that wasn't the case. Nothing else however works. The production values look as though that each one came from different films altogether, and it looks cheap, further disadvantaged by some very haphazard editing. In regards to the score, I am going to take a guess and say that the film at some point was re-scored. If that was the case, it didn't work as the music doesn't fit the film at all. The script is poor, with the comedy very ill-judged and everything else has a very overly-corny tone. The story feels padded, and has nothing surprising or exciting. Mario Bava's direction indicates that he was completely out of his depth, because he directs as though he didn't have a clue of what he was doing. Apart from Price, the acting is terrible. Fabian is really bland and looks lost, but what truly sinks Dr Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs is the double act Ciccio and Franco, mugging and grimacing with no charm, genuine comic timing or grace whatsoever. The pratfalls they do here are also hopelessly contrived. All in all, a weird and disappointingly messy film that makes the heavily flawed but somewhat entertaining first film look like Citizen Kane. 2/10 Bethany Cox

One of my sci-fi/horror/fantasy reviews written 50 years ago: Directed by Mario Bava; Produced by Fulvio Lucisano and Louis Heyward for American-International Pictures. Screenplay by Heyward and Robert Kaufman; Photography by Antonio Rinaldi; Edited by Ronald Sinclair; Music by Les Baxter; Assistant Director: Lamberto Bava. Starring: Vincent Price, Fabian, Franco Franchia, Ciccio Ingrassia, Laura Antonelli and Francesco Mule.

Ridiculous comedown for Mario Bava, reduced to banal slapstick comedy, imitating the dregs of the Bond/Helm sexy espionage genre. Price craps out as the mad scientist and a pair of Italian low comics overdo their Abbott & Costello approach, while talented Laura Antonelli is decorative. Exploding robot girls as plot premise is even dumber than in "Bikini Machine" forerunner.