The Great St. Trinian's Train Robbery

THE GREAT ST. TRINIAN'S TRAIN ROBBERY was the last of the St. Trinian's quartet (until the unwise attempt at revamping the series in 1980 with WILDCATS) and, to my mind, the most entertaining of the bunch. Whereas the earlier instalments of the 1950s were in black and white, quite slow moving and dated in their humour - nope, I don't find the sight of Alistair Sim in drag particularly funny - this is more like the British comedy films of the '60s and '70s that I know and love.

Headlining the cast is Frankie Howerd - hooray! - as a criminal mastermind who's successfully carried out a train robbery with his crooked gang, including plenty of familiar faces (such as Reg Varney of ON THE BUSES fame). The only problem is that the loot is hidden in an old building now inhabited by the St. Trinian's gang, so retrieving it is going to be tricky.

What follows is a quirky escapade full of the usual hooliganism and outrageous shenanigans as a battle of wits ensues between schoolgirls, teachers and robbers. George Cole is back as Flash Harry, although as usual he has little to do, but Dora Bryan is great value as quirky headmistress Amber Spottiswood. Watch out too for Eric Barker, Michael Ripper and Terry Scott popping up in brief roles.

Things really pick up for the extended climax set on the train tracks. Steam trains and carriages are flying back and forth to great effect and the film reaches farcical levels at this point, ending on a high.

A lesser St Trinian's film, this does benefit from scatty Dora Bryan as the headmistress; Raymond Huntley as her MP beau; Richard Wattis and co as men from the ministry; and Frankie Howerd, Reg Varney, Arthur Mullard and others as train robbers.

If you have seen the other films, you know the formula. The St Trinian's schoolgirls are little terrors who frighten the life out of authority and everyone else. The teachers are boozers, smokers, fighters, and gamblers. Put these together and the plot will sizzle.

Not as good as the others, and drags a bit towards the end, but it is a fun film which diverts for at least an hour.

As youngsters, there are certain things that we all believe in. Father Christmas. The Easter Bunny. The Tooth Fairy. Not me, though. I was different - I believed in St. Trinian's school. I was convinced in fact until I was at least twenty that this school was actually a real place. I'm not a stupid person by any means, so it must have been because I wanted such a place to exist that I spent most of my time in the library browsing phone directories in a fruitless effort to discover exactly where it was. I thought I had it narrowed down to the Home Counties somewhere in Hertfordshire or Bedfordshire, and was quite prepared to try and visit the place in person and leer at all those sixth-form schoolgirls in their gym-slips, stockings and suspenders. The best day of my life was probably when we had a fancy dress day at school and a couple of my female class-mates turned up in a replica uniform, and boy, did they look good! I'm not sure what the teachers thought, because they were only about thirteen I should think, and they definitely were wearing the stockings and suspenders!

These days of course the politically correct brigade would do all they can to prevent young girls dressing like this (even though it was all in good fun and for charity) and these films are often treated in the same way by many reviewers - with scorn and ridicule. The "girls" in the film who are wearing the full "sixth form" stockings and suspenders style uniform are of course well over the age of sixteen and into adulthood, though that doesn't stop some people wondering that maybe films like this encourage paedophilia and turning young girls into sex objects. Maybe there are some dangerous people out there who get a hard-on over uniforms and schoolgirls by watching this film, but I would hope that most, like me, were schoolboys themselves when they first saw this film, and that kind of makes it alright. It's all a bit of harmless fun, and like the "Carry On" films and other more politically incorrect 'stockings and suspenders' stuff where women are shown as sex objects first and characters after (Vicki Michele from "Allo Allo" is a good example), it's true to say they don't make stuff like this any more.

St. Trinian's itself, the brainchild of artist Ronald Searle (as I later discovered!), is seen here for the first time in colour. This, "The Great Train Robbery", is the fourth in the series. A little-known and less-often seen fifth film from 1980 is "The Wildcats of St. Trinian's". As is usual with long-running franchises such as this, the quality does tale of noticeably with each instalment. This film, though not in the same league as the first "Belles of St. Trinians" in 1954, comes across as "Citizen Kane" in comparison to the very weak "Wildcats" entry in 1980. The main advantage this has over the first three is probably the fact that it is in colour.

Unlike most people, I happen to think that St. Trinians rocks. I always have done. I wanted to go to school there. I still do. Words cannot describe how disappointed I was when I found out it didn't really exist. In this day and age of political correctness, it probably never will again - and that's a bit sad. 7/10

When the Tories are beaten by Labour, public servants rejoice at the potential for public schools to be scrapped (in particular - St Trinians). However the new Minister for Education gives them a massive grant instead - although his Government don't know that he is helping his mistress to set back up the criminal exploits of the school. Trouble starts though, when the school is resituated in a building where train robbers have hidden their loot.

In full colour and without the original girls of the series, this film looks to have potential simply on the basis of the talented cast involved. The plot is silly, but when did that ever matter with this stuff? The plot gets a little laboured at the start in the effort to reopen the school and place it in the middle of a train robbers' plan. This doesn't matter too much as it does eventually break away into a more free-flowing chase at the end.

However, despite their being plenty for the film to do, it is surprising just how little actually happens, how little impact the film makes and how little any one character has to do. This is most evident in the waste of good comedy actors. The loss of two or three main girls in the cast has reduced the girls to just an unidentifiable mass of unruly girls. This is a problem to start with, but should have been covered by the talented cast. Sadly none really have much to do and much to work with. Frankie Howerd has a few good lines but nowhere near his ability, Cole does his usual stuff but has almost nothing to do. Terry Scott shows his face for about 3 lines, while others like Huntley, Bryan, Varney and so on are really not well used.

Overall this film starts slow and poorly however, like a train, slowly builds up a reasonable head of steam for an energetic conclusion. That said, it isn't really very funny and you can't help but watch and spend more time looking at the missed potential.

The fourth part of the St. Trinian's themed films is the first to be shot in colour, and also the point where someone should have realised that this series had run out of steam. Based on Ronald Searle's demonic schoolgirls, this outing cribs off of the topical Great Train Robbery of the 60s, retains George Cole as a reassuring presence, while adding Dora Bryan and Frankie Howerd for some acting solidification.

It's not a bad film as such, in fact the last quarter, where a whole host of train shenanigans come into play, is great fun, it's just that it feels tired, less risky, like the makers were hedging their bets to get a box office winner (which came to fruition). Fast framing is a bit of a cheat, Howerd is wasted - or sleepwalking through the film? But Bryan is on hand for a bit of quality while the girls are all boisterous and minxy.

Enjoyable enough for those so inclined, even if it's utterly forgettable come the final credits. 6/10