Night of the Cobra Woman

Those crazed people from the Philippines and their absurd horror tales are always guaranteed to keep you intrigued and entertained! I don't think I've ever seen a half-decent horror movie from there, but it doesn't matter, since they qualify as "so bad it's good". With "Night of the Cobra Woman", director Andrew Meyer doesn't deliver the same flamboyance and utter silliness as the notorious directors Eddie Romero or Cirio H. Santiago, but the concept is nicely messed up nonetheless!

The lovely Lena has been able to keep her youth and beauty ever since WWII, when she was bitten by a Cobra snake that she now keeps as her pet. But when a couple of dumb students pass through Manila with their pet eagle, her Cobra gets killed and Lena must find a different way to survive. She enslaves the dorky boyfriend and starts roaming the streets to pick up men and suck them dry. In case you were looking for any logic or sense, ... don't! "Night of the Cobra Woman" is pointless, incoherent and borderline boring, but there are a few remarkable highlights, including when Lena sheds her snakeskin, when her eyes turn all serpent-like, or simply when she parades around in red underwear. The actress, Marlene Clark, is ravishing, but I can't deny that I would undeniably have loved this film a lot more if her role was played by either Pam Grier or Laura Gemser. Weirdo Vic Diaz also briefly appears, although he doesn't add any value, as a sort of Quasimodo of the jungle.

Some films have titles that are too good to be true. I mean, who doesn't want to see a cobra woman - a scaly half-human, half reptile with snake eyes and a flicking tongue? But this being a low-budget Filipino B-movie, we just know that what we'll get won't be that great. Sure enough, the titular creature is simply actress Marlene Clark with arms and legs coated in a thin layer of latex to make her skin look rough. Occasionally, she can be seen mid transformation with stupid looking large eyes slapped over her real peepers. The effect is terrible.

Of course, a lousy monster can be easily forgiven if the story is great, but NOTCW fails big time there: the plot feels like it was made up as it went along, and is not going to be easy to summarise. I'll give you the gist...

During WWII, nurse Lena Aruza (Clark) is bitten by the fabled Firebrand Cobra, endowing her with eternal youth, so long as she keeps herself topped up with venom. Decades later, and Lena is still going strong, her scaly pal Movini providing her with the necessary life-giving secretion. When UNICEF worker Joanna (Joy Bang) pays a visit to Lena, looking for help with making an anti-venom, she is turned away, so she sends her boyfriend Duff to see if he can have better luck (Roger Garrett). Quite the opposite... he's bitten by the Firebrand Snake, and only survives when Lena sucks out the poison.

Joanna goes looking for Duff, and while waiting for Lena at her home, notices a sample of Firebrand venom in a pot, and so half-inches it and leaves. When Lena realises what Joanna has done, she sends her snake Movini after the girl, not reckoning on her having Duff's pet eagle Dirk with her. The eagle kills the snake, leaving Lena no option but to feed on the life-force of young men by having sex with them, starting with Duff...

What follows is extremely sloppy storytelling, with zero concern for logic, terrible pacing, animal cruelty (a monkey is strapped to a table and snakes are killed) and very poor special effects, all leading to a downbeat ending in which Duff chooses to stay with Lena (who is in permanent snake form). Joanna walks away dejected, pausing to pluck a venom-infused mango from a tree.

On a 'scale' of 1 to 10, I give thissssss a 3.5/10, generously rounded up to 4 for the nudity (both Bang and Clark get naked for the camera), the hidden pig (I thought it was a rock, and then up it popped!) and for cult Filipino favourite Vic Diaz as a hideous hunchback.

Marlene Clark is good (and very sexy) as a nurse who becomes a Cobra Woman. This could have been an interesting little horror film, but the film is defeated by amateurish acting and a mediocre presentation. There were two female leads, so why was the focus more on the completely ineffectual male actor? As for Joy Bang (interesting name), her problem was that she didn't have any "bang." As my heading says, only Marlene Clark makes this movie worthwhile. Marlene shows some skin here, but not enough. The movie, in general, comes across as too timid for its own premise.

Joy Bang plays a brilliant scientist (hold on a second--I have to stop laughing hysterically) who is in the Philipines doing research on snakes. Her dorky boyfriend comes to visit, for some reason bringing his pet falcon with him. He goes exploring in the jungle and his falcon ends up killing a snake--bad news since this was the sacred snake of a Filipino snake cult led by an African-American woman (Marlene Clark) who has been using snake venom to keep herself young ever since she was accidentally bitten by a snake while serving as a nurse during World War III. Problem is all this snake venom apparently causes her to turn into a snake (at least, I think--they kept this particular transformation offscreen, possibly as a homage to the original "Cat People", but more likely because this is a cheap-ass Filipino production). But speaking of asses, it is left up to the owner one of the nicest ones of the early 70's (Bang) to save the day after her boyfriend is seduced into some interracial ((and perhaps inter-special) lovin' by the evil cobra women.

Actually as Filipino productions go this isn't that bad. It has the same scruffy charm as the John Ashley/Eddie Romero "Blood Island" series and between Clark and Bang it almost approaches the T and A level of the Roger Corman/Jack Hill WIP films. It also seems to directed with a considerable amount of intelligence by someone who was clearly in on the joke (although being in on the joke is vastly overrated in my opinion). The acting is a little weak. Bang is a little miscast and not nearly as good as leading lady as she is as a character actor, and Marlene Clark is no Pam Grier (who really should have played this role). The interest of either of these women in the dipstick leading man is REALLY beyond me though.

Not great, but Filipino horror/exploitation fans at least will certainly want to check it out.

NIGHT OF THE COBRA WOMAN stars Marlene Clark as the titular character, Lena. Joy Bang (MESSIAH OF EVIL) is UNICEF field researcher, Joanna, who seeks out Lena, and her mythical cobra in the jungles of the Philippines. Upon meeting Lena, Joanna steals a vial of the cobra's venom, leading to her being attacked by the snake.

Luckily, Joanna just happens to have a cobra-killing eagle, named Dirk! Oh, and she has a rather dense boyfriend, named Duff (Roger Garrett), for whom Lena has nefarious plans. And, there's a hunchback (Vic Diaz)! And a mad scientist! Annnd black magic!

Even by Filipino cinema standards, this is one weird, disjointed movie! Plot? What plot? Thankfully, there is ample nudity! Unfortunately, there's animal cruelty as well.

Actually, Lena's eventual rampage is the best part of the story. She's sort of a reptilian vampire, draining the life from her victims. The rest is mostly flotsam...