Sex-Lehrer-Report

Because I'm re-enrolling for post-graduate summer school!

This picture proves that on occasion a less-than-deep storyline doesn't prevent a film from being terrifically-entertaining. You'll be dragged along willingly and unprotestingly in the offbeat proceedings onscreen.

And Angie Dickinson (who seems to be thoroughly enjoying her part) is stunning, gentlemen ... stunning!

Recall that gorgeous teacher we all remember oh-so-well from high school? Well, here ... she ... is. And John David Carson plays, uh ... every guy who was ever in her class, okay?

Things move along smoothly in parallel plots, a strange mix of sex comedy and murder-most-foul. But it all works, and you won't forget "Pretty Maids" any easier than you ever forgot ... that long-ago teacher.

Highly recommended, for adults.

This movie is lots of fun - a time capsule of the swinging Seventies - tight pants, mini-mini skirts, people sayingt "Right on" and Rock Hudson as a girl hound - seducing any girl who comes into his classroom - yes, Rock plays "Tiger" a football coach and guidance counselor. Angie Dickinson plays a lusty teacher who helps seduce a young virgin boy. Telly Savalas is a hoot as the hard-nosed cop trying to solve the series of murders that start happening at the high school - Salvalas does some truly strange things as an actor - he holds his smoking cigarette in various odd ways and is constantly putting his big sunglasses on his head, on his nose, on a lamp -- the whole movie is this strange little sex-murder mystery (light on the mystery). Written by Star Trek creator, Gene Rodenberry!!!! If you like cheesy fun flicks from the early 1970s, this one is for you. A hoot!

Pretty Maids All in a Row is based on a novel by Francis Pollini and has all the makings of a cult film. We've got a cast peppered with cult stars, a story involving a sex killer and some great black humour, but somehow it missed the cult film boat. The film is set in a California high school, and clearly the writers decided to throw caution to the wind where any political correctness was concerned as Pretty Maids All in a Row delights in showing Rock Hudson's teacher character getting up to allsorts with his young female students. The film basically has two main plot lines. The first of which focuses on a young man named Ponce de Leon Harper. This guy is cut up because he's seventeen and hasn't lost his virginity yet, and so turns to his teacher friend, Michael McDrew, for help. Mr McDrew decides to help Leon by hooking him up with someone; only thing is, he decides to hook him up with his English teacher, Miss Smith! Meanwhile, teenage girls are turning up dead with a note attached to their bottoms...

The black humour features throughout the film and at times is subtle, and at others; less subtle (for example, "we never have practise on the day of a murder!"), but it works really well. The cast is superb, with Rock Hudson getting the main plaudits for his central performance. He's every bit the middle aged pervert and he plays the role with relish. John David Carson is less impressive as the young kid, but still turns in a good performance. There are also roles for the likes of Telly Savalas, Roddy McDowall and Angie Dickinson. The film remains interesting for the duration due to its range of characters and various plot lines. The film actually does handle some interesting themes too; the boy losing his virginity being the main one. The sequence in which that happens is really great, too! The film doesn't work at all as a mystery - it's completely clear who the murderer is right from the start - but still, getting to the conclusion is a lot of fun. Overall, I would have to say that this film falls somewhere short of 'great', but it's certainly very good.

A juicy bit of 70s kitsch right here for your viewing pleasure. Rock Hudson as a horny high school coach/guidance counselor who is nailing every girl in sight. This man is so hip, he has arranged the thumb tacks on his cork board into a peace sign. No wonder all the kids love him. Right on, man.

The luscious Angie Dickinson plays a substitute teacher who wears very short skirts and form-fitting sweaters. Not only does she get felt up by Hudson, she also enthusiastically deflowers the gawky teenage male virgin after extolling the virtues of John Milton's "Paradise Lost." Telly Savalas is the state police detective called upon to solve a series of murders of young girls at the high school, the first of which is charmingly named "Jill Fairbutt." No lollipop here. He is sucking on a cigarette, a cancer stick, a coffin nail! Who loves ya, baby? Nice job by Keenan Wynn is the wheezy geezer local sheriff assigned by Savalas to direct traffic after incompetently touching every bit of evidence at the first murder scene. Also by James Doohan ("Scotty" of Star Trek fame) as Savalas' underling. Too bad they couldn't have gotten Shatner to give Hudson a run for his money...

Also heard from is Roddy McDowell, twittery here as the high school principal, whose concern over the murders is limited to characterizing one of them as a "great little cheerleader." He comes complete with prim, nerdy, bespectacled secretary, de rigeur for the 70s.

In what other decade could something be listed as a comedy/crime/ thriller? Only the 70s, my friend. You can also groove to the opening song by the Osmonds, "Chilly Wind," which happens to be sung over Rock Hudson getting it on with a topless honey. Osmonds and boobies - my head just exploded.

If I'm not mistaken, I think I saw a very young Alfre Woodard as one of the students questioned by Savalas. Rock that afro, girl!

What can you expect by combining the directing talents of Roger Vadim and the writing of Gene Roddenberry? If you can ignore the misogyny of every female in this movie being a ditz/victim/sex object/cuckold, then you will enjoy this very of-its-time pre-sex-comedy-era sex comedy. With some murder thrown in. And a bit of mystery. And don't forget the Osmonds.

This early 70's cult classic was loosely adapted from a novel, written and produced for the screen by Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry. It was the first American film by French director Roger Vadim of And God Created Woman and Barbarella fame. In fact Brigette Bardot was offered the female lead, but was unable to get out of a prior commitment. Angie Dickinson ended up with the part instead. Of all the lesser known 1970's films out there, this is definitely one of the greatest in my mind. In fact in 2012 Quentin Tarantino listed this film as one of the 12 best films ever made. While I wouldn't go quite that far, I do love this film to some degree, and I can understand his appreciation. You must remember the time period for one thing while watching the film, and know that Vadim was a French director who had become known for over sexualizing women on film. Sexual liberation in 1971 was a fairly accepted and important theme of the time for many, in French & American culture especially. This film is unique and somewhat fun, all amidst an array of taboo subjects (Taboo for the masses that is.). Part dark comedy, part murder mystery, Pretty Maids All In A Row is a film all it's own and of it's time. Funny, sexy and interesting, I say it's a must see for cult film lovers and those who enjoy offbeat serial killer films.

8/10 .