The Phynx

Somebody's stealing the celebrities of Hollywood's Golden Age, and that somebody is in Communist Albania. Our Super Secret Agency spies get the idea that the way to bring the celebrities back is to create some new celebrities, in the form of a pop band who will get invited to Albania themselves. Thus the band "The Phynx" is created. (The less said about the music of Lieber and Stoller, the better. Although, there was one song that kept reminding me of the Fifth Dimension's "Up, Up and Away".) The movie is normally considered a bomb, although I found it not quite as bad as that. The build-up is exceedingly slow, and most of the celebrities are underused. Thankfully, most of the celebrities - at least, the ones in Albania - are introduced red-carpet style so nobody will have trouble putting names to faces. The people playing the band members, of course, have no acting talent, although they could probably dance as well as Ruby Keeler.

There are a lot of celebrities in this one. Maureen O'Sullivan and Johnny Weismuller; Rudy Vallee; Huntz Hall and Leo Gorcey, the latter looking like death warmed over (he died before the movie was released); George Jessel; and even Col. Sanders are among those in captivity in Albania. Joan Blondell plays the First Lady of Albania. Martha Raye is one of the few who gets a chance to shine as the Agency's contact in London. James Brown comes next closest to shining. Richard Pryor is woefully underused.

One other good thing is the sequence in Rome. The band members are looking for a piece of a map tattooed on a woman's abdomen; they're given x-ray glasses to look through people's clothes. This sets up several opportunities for sight gags, some of which actually work. There's one of a man chatting up a woman in a club, where it turns out that both of them are actually men, and another of two young women talking to two nuns.

If you like "so bad it's good" movies, this one is actually worth watching since you'll find a whole bunch of "What were they thinking?" moments. I give it a 7/10 on that scale, not on the same scale I would rate Casablanca.

If The Monkees are QVC-peddled diamonique to The Beatles flawless diamonds, then The Phynx are plastic, made in China, children's jewelry sold in large bins at the Dollar Tree store.

This bizarre 1970 musical comedy is very obviously designed to cash in on the success of the Pre-Fab Four but it's so bad it succeeds only in falling well short of that less than ambitious goal.

The Phynx are a manufactured pop group, comprising 4 minimally talented, totally charisma-free young men, who are put together by the SSA - Super Secret Agency - with the intention of infiltrating Albania and rescuing a bunch of American celebrities who have been kidnapped by the country's communist dictator.

Are you still following me?

The Phynx is badly written, poorly acted trash that doesn't even rise to the redeeming level of kitsch. This leaden satire is less funny than the least amusing 'Saturday Night Live' sketch, and Mike Stoller and Jerry Leiber - the men who wrote 'Jailhouse Rock,''Love Me' and 'King Creole' for Elvis - should be ashamed at the musical tripe they served up for The Phynx to sing.

But still I stuck with it and the reason was the supporting cast list. The kidnapped celebrities are actual celebrities! Director Lee H.Katzin has rounded up a 1970 Who's Who of old time Hollywood stars still upright,breathing and willing to prostitute themselves for a final chance to grasp for even a tiny portion of their former fame.

Cinema's most famous Tarzan and Jane, Johnny Weissmuller and Maureen O'Sullivan are reunited for one brief scene; tiresome Bowery Boys Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall rehash thirty seconds of their tiresome schtick; and there's blink and you'll miss 'em appearances by Joan Blondell, Dorothy Lamour, Busby Berkeley, Andy Devine, Butterfly McQueen, Rudy Vallee, Edgar Bergen, George Jessel, Ruby Keeler, Joe Louis and even KFC founder Colonel Sanders!

Their plight as fodder in this third rate production is best summed up by Warner Bros veteran Pat O'Brien, who wearily turns to Marilyn Maxwell during the final chase scene (in a turnip wagon) and says "If only I'd played the other part I'd be in Sacramento right now (as Governor of California) and Ronald Reagan would be here." It's meant as a joke but the expression on O'Brien's face and the tone of his voice suggests otherwise.

A monumental embarrassment to everyone involved, The Phynx is about as close to unwatchable as it gets without actually turning off the TV.

Check out more of my reviews at http://thefilmivejustseen.blogspot.com/

I finally bought a copy of this film on DVD from an online seller, and it is truly dreadful. It has a running time of 81 minutes but it felt like 4 hours. I only bought it to see the many cameo appearances of stars young and old, but some of them are so brief that you have to watch every second of the film to catch them. Richard Pryor introduces himself and then he's gone! The best part of the film is at the end when Pat O'Brien is reunited with former Dead End Kids Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall. Leo looks positively ancient, even though he was only 51 at the time. He died of liver failure shortly after shooting his scenes. His heavy drinking really took its toll. The writing on this film is horrendous, and the acting is worse than any Ed Wood film. I completely agree with Warner Brothers' decision to shelve this film and never release it, even though they probably spent a good deal of money to make it. It's an embarrassment and painful to watch. I hope to someday see Jerry Lewis' never-released "The Day the Clown Cried," another legendary bad film, so I can compare it to "The Phynx."

Hollywood tried so hard to assimilate the new hippie movement in their TV shows and movies and usually got it way wrong. so many films failed to do the "mix", SKIDOO, I LOVE YOU ALICE B. TOKLAS, etc.

The Phynx boasts a huge cast of Hollywood idols and can actually stand alone on that basis! Old stars, solo, or with their partners, are "relocated" to a huge estate, held hostage by the supposed "new" generation of entertainer...and indeed, when James Brown and 1969-70 entourage arrive, as ambassadors of the new music industry, we are impressed.

Songwriters Leiber and Stoller wrote the songs for this bizarre experiment and none are any good. That's why James Brown should have done a song or two from his own catalogue. OK, OK...................

Getting' back to those "old" stars: there are many here which justify the proverbial price of admission. I bought the DVD for the 1970 version of Gorcey and Hall. No laffs. But a gas to behold, so many years later!

Hoo boy -- the only thing worse than a bad comedy is a bad comedy from the Vietnam era, especially one that was clearly made by old people who distrusted and feared the youth movement.

So on the shelf with "Skidoo" and "Smashing Time," try and stock a copy of "The Phynx," a ridiculous spy spoof featuring some very forgettable Leiber/Stoller songs (the band-in-the-movie's big hit is "What Is Your Sign?") and a whole lot of over-the-hill Hollywood notables (and Colonel Sanders!).

This movie is pretty hard to find, and it's probably just as well -- the only thing interesting about it is how obscure it is.