Bloodthirsty Butchers

Bloodthirsty Butchers (1970)

1/2 (out of 4)

Barber Sweeney Todd (John Miranda) and baker Maggie Lovett (Jane Hilary) realize that they can be a service to one another and team up in this maddening Andy Milligan film. Sweeney Todd murders the patrons who sit in his barber chair and he sends the meat over to Lovett for her pies.

I've seen the majority of the Milligan titles that are currently available and I must say that I'm amazed that he has such a following. Well, let me take that back. It's easy to see why such horrible films would have a following since many people love bad movies. What shocks me is the fact that there are many people out there who feel that Milligan was a great director and that something like BLOODTHIRSTY BUTCHERS was a great film.

It's pretty darn hard to mess up the Sweeney Todd story but Milligan manages to do that with this incredibly poorly acted film that doesn't do a thing in regards to entertainment. We start off with a man betting chopped up by the butcher and the special effects are so awful that you can't help but laugh. In fact, Milligan doesn't even try to hide how poorly the rubber hand and fingers are!

From here the film pretty much turns into a boring melodrama as we see Todd and Lovett talk, argue, fight, make up and do a wide range of other dialogue scenes that just really drag the film down. It doesn't help that the performances are on the bad side and it really doesn't help that the dialogue is some of the worst that you'll ever have to listen to. There's not much real gore or violence so that's another letdown.

What really shocks me about Milligan and films like this is that he apparently felt that someone wanted to watch them. His films are basically arthouse movies that try to pass themselves off as exploitation or horror movies. The problem is that those elements are never delivered an instead we are left with rather poor films.

The word "boring" gets thrown around way too often when referring to exactly how bad a low-budget Horror movie might, or might not be. I've seen many a B-movie. Many horrible, terribly inept B-movies. Some with a production value of a few hundred bucks. Does ineptness, lousy acting, worse continuity, and embarrassing budgets really make a movie unwatchable? Some would no doubt way yes. Most of which are probably huge fans of The Matrix. Well, I hate big-budget movies, so I say no. Bad can sometimes be funny (Blood Freak), sometimes even mind-blowing (Troll 2), but Boring will always be unwatchable... Hey, kinda like Bloodthirsty Butchers, which reminds me, I'm writing a review for this pile of garbage... Uh, yeah, anyway. This is one of late British director Andy Milligan's many alternatives to sleeping pills. This one is based on Sweeney Todd... Great. Milligan takes a boring story, and still manages to "butcher" it. Hey, that's pretty funny, I said bu... sorry, I keep getting distracted. This isn't exactly easy. On second thought, I'll make it easy. No gore, no scares, no entertainment, just unlikeable, annoying people having incoherent conversations. that's Bloodthirsty Butchers. Oh yeah, and something about a barber killing people, and something or other about meat pies. I don't know, it's not important.

For something a little more rewarding from Andy Milligan, there's always the only other one I've seen, The Rats Are Coming, The Werewolves Are Here. Yeah, you heard me. But hows about we forget about this Milligan guy all together, and pick up something sweet like Sick Girl or Teenape Goes To Camp. Whatever you decide, just know, Bloodthirsty Butchers sucks, possibly even more than any other version of this already lackluster tale. And that, B-movie fans, is really saying something. 2/10

This is awful, you just could't believe it. The score is annoying, the filming is bad, for example, sometimes you see the shadow of the cameraman appearing on some actors faces. The quality of the movie is ultra bad, seems like it was made in the 20ies. It's terrible. There is a bit of blood in the beginning and through the movie but always too dark filmed. No gore no effects. The director made some better one like Blood Rites. But out there there is a following of the man, 'cause searching to find this cheap flick isn't that hard but you have to pay hard earned cash for it. Surely this will get in my top ten of worst horrormovies ever, I don't know if I would call it horror. There is too much talking, you will get bloodthirsty after watching it

Inspired by the classic urban legend of Sweeney Todd, a murderous barber who kills his customers and has them baked into pies by his business partner, Bloodthirsty Butchers keeps the basic foundation and makes up the rest with less than ideal results.

Of course, it looks even cheaper than an elementary school play, but that could be forgiven if the script was tight and the acting was better. Unfortunately, it's not and the most you have to look forward to are a few gory murder scenes that don't much convince.

Ooof! The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (John Miranda) lets you know his business right away as he cuts a man's throat in the first three minutes (he pulls a towel over the victim's face and the guy reacts as if he is being pulled back, despite his attacker letting go at one point). Sweeney pockets the valuables and the rest goes into the meat pies of Mrs. Lovett (Jane Hilary). Things get complicated when good girl shop worker Johanna (Annabella Wood) wonders where her boyfriend disappeared to. Good God! Only Andy Milligan could drag down the exploitation material found in the Todd story. You know what the other adaptations of that Penny Dreadful were missing? How about looooong scenes of people talking and talking and talking. To be fair, there is about a minute of pretty good stuff in here, mostly coming from some meat cleaver attacks. Milligan recreates the 19th century about as well as I can waltz and I'm pretty sure one scene has a shot of a modern era heater in the back and light switches. Miranda's Sweeney looks like a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Bowzer from Sha Na Na, but he is, surprisingly, a decent actor. The rest of the cast is there, local theater English accents and all. Look for "fortnight" to be said twice within the first ten minutes.