Bestie des Grauens

This B-movie double feature classic is definitely the original inspiration for the title parody in the film "Amazon Women on the Moon". That film, however, featured the gorgous Sybil Danning, while in this 50's classic, we have to settle for teenage beauty contestants.

Not to say that the girls aren't cute. But, with all the elements involved here, it wouldn't have hurt the proceedings to show some skin. Alas, this is the 50's and certain production codes prohibited nudity in this sort of film, so we are stuck with clothed beauties.

The plot? Oh, yes, for some reason I got distracted. The infantile storyline concerns a scientist who is hijacked by escaped convicts. The ragtag crew blastoff in a rocketship towards the moon, where they meet up with rock creatures, giant spiders(who guard diamonds) and femme fatales. The number one cheesy high-point is the landing on the moon, and the dialogue is a close second.

This film, along with QUEEN FROM OUTER SPACE, makes for preliminary viewing for anyone interested in 50's sci-fi, ultra-low-budget style. Maybe someday it will show up on DVD, and I'll get a copy. Just so I can look at those Moon Beauties, and think of what a classic the film would've been had it been made in the swingin' seventies.

In MISSILE TO THE MOON, the title rocket -complete with pegboard interior, bunk-beds, and paper-upholstered chairs- is used as a hideout (!!) by a pair of escaped convicts. Sealed inside by the ship's designer, the two crooks are launched into space with him, along with two other unwary passengers! Man, is it ever a simple process! To think that astronauts waste so much time training for this!

WOOSH!

Next stop, the moon.

After a tragedy, the missile reaches its destination. Thankfully, the lunar surface is very earth-like, with about the same gravity.

EEK!

Rock monsters attack! Luckily, their lumbering renders them ineffective killers. Soon enough, the explorers are in the company of The Lido (K.T. Stevens with a candelabra on her head) and her minions (a gaggle of beauty pageant winners). Will convict Lon (Gary Clarke) find true love among the moon maidens? Jealousy breaks out when misunderstanding ensues.

AAAGH!

A gigantic tarantula puppet is unleashed!

Utterly ludicrous in every way imaginable, this movie is still a ton of fun to watch! Yes, my friends, the moon truly is made of cheeeze.

P.S.- Do not miss the moon-woman disco dance routine, complete with bongo drums!...

Richard E. Cunha's low budget remake of `Cat Women of the Moon' contains some hysterical flaws. When the spacemen land on the Moon, the full-sized rocket prop they stand beneath is obviously just a flat cardboard mockup of the lower ten feet. The lunar `rockmen' who attack the astronauts look like stone Gumbies -- and the noses of the people in the suits stick out plainly from the flat stone `face'. The noises aren't even colored like the stone!

The plot and acting are equally uproarious. After learning that the government is going to take over his private Moon rocket project, a scientist discovers two young fugitives hiding inside his spacecraft. He pulls out a gun and threatens to shot them if they don't agree to serve as crewmen on his lunar voyage. During the trip, the scientist reveals that he is actually an alien from the Moon -- and he built the rocket to get back home!

The lunar civilization is comprised entirely of former beauty contest winners, all dressed up in high heels and showgirl costumes. Gary Clark (`How to Make a Monster') plays one of the young escapees.

Whew! This film is something to see, that is for sure. It tells the story of five people aboard a missile going to the moon. None of the leads have any acting range at all, but look like master thespians once we are introduced to the people living on the moon in the kingdom of Olanda(?). There we find the Ledo...the leader of a bunch of buxom, half-clad women living off of oxygen waiting for news from an emmisary sent to Earth. The Ledo bears no small resemblence to Rosiland Russell in appearence, lacking any of that actress's ability. The rest of the plot is incredibly inane and we see giant rock men with strips cut out where you can see human faces, a giant spider called the "dark ones" that looks like a leftover from a Syd and Marty Kroft seventies show, and other equally inept script and special effects problems. The budget for the film starts at low and goes swiftly to almost no budget! The film is funny in all the wrong places, and willbe a hoot to sit through. The guy playing Steve Drayton is just God awful! Fun to watch though!

Richard Cunha did not direct many movies but the few he did give us are fantastic. You know right away you are in an alternate universe when you watch this one. Hero Richard Travis pulls back a curtain to give us a look at what is supposed to be a giant rocket way out in the background; but you can tell immediately that it is a wooden model just a few inches away! Oh it just gets better from there! Scientist Michael Whalen blasts off for the Moon with a makeshift crew of 2 escaped JD's (Gary Clarke of HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER fame and Tommy Cook of no particular fame at all). Mr. Travis and girlfriend Cathy Downs (former fiancée of THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN) go aboard just before blastoff and are unable to get off in time . . . does that mean they were shanghaied? Amazingly the extra weight does not affect fuel or oxygen consumption and apart from the obligatory meteor shower they reach the Moon with no problem. Remember to keep repeating "It's only a movie, only a movie, only a movie . . ."

This is not the Moon of DESTINATION MOON, oh no! This Moon is inhabited by walking rocks that look like Gumby on steroids, a giant spider that looks like a puppet (well okay it IS a puppet but it's a darn mean looking puppet!) and a civilisation of beautiful women. They have a distinct problem though, they are running out of oxygen and must take off for another planet soon or else! They want the Earth people to show them how to build a rocket to carry them to safety. Meanwhile moon girl Alpha (Nina Bara) takes one look at Travis and decides she must have him for a mate and her unrequited love is more important than the survival of her own race. Talk about self absorbed!

Is it art? No. Is it fun? You bet! The puppet spider had already been seen in the 3-D film CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON but Mr. Cunha's film is much more fun. The rock men are surprisingly good and the Moon girls are fabulous. Look closely for Leslie Parrish (Daisy Mae of L'IL ABNER fame) and Lisa Simone who would go on to meet THE GIANT GILA MONSTER among the lunar beauties.

Amazing some TV prints cut the scenes of the spider claiming a victim and the climactic shot that shows why you should not go out in the sun while visiting the moon. Some DVD prints of this now Public Domain title offer the film uncut. Notice I said some, not all!