The Astounding She-Monster

An absurd introductory narrative precedes THE ASTOUNDING SHE-MONSTER! Then, another narrator takes over, telling us what we're witnessing on screen. The abduction of a socialite, made so much better by voice-over rather than any real dialogue.

The scene shifts to the wilderness, where geologist, Dick Cutler (Robert Clarke) walks his dog, unaware that nearby, a ship has landed. From this craft comes the shimmering alien of the title. Not only does she shimmer, but she seems to warp, as though made of some ethereal liquid. Either that, or she's imbibed too much space juice. Who really knows for sure? She saunters... no, sachets along, like an alien in need of a restroom. Still shimmering.

Meanwhile, the kidnappers and their hostage arrive, all of this happening close to Cutler's remote cabin. Soon, all will meet together. What are the odds of such a confluence of various characters and events occurring? Perhaps the she-monster knows.

Uh oh!

The sachet-ing she-monster has the space voodoo, touch of death! She wanders... no, meanders through the forest, using her hands of deadliness! Who will survive this awfulness?

Fans of all that is movie muck, rejoice! This is your day of deliverance!

EXTRA CREDIT FOR: #1- The tough-talking crooks and their drunken moll. #2- The game of "in-and-out-of-the-cabin", where everyone leaves and re-enters several times, even after it appears they've escaped the horror!

This is highly entertaining flotsam...

Astounding She-Monster, The (1957)

** (out of 4)

Low-budget mix of sci-fi, horror and crime has made this one of the most loved cult movies from that golden era where no-money meant entertainment in this genre. Three crooks kidnap a rich girl and then take another hostage inside a small cabin in the woods. Their plan is going great until a female alien lands on Earth with the ability to kill just by a simple touch. Fans of this type of material are going to get quite a few kicks out of this one as the film features some of our faves including Robert Clarke (THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON), Kenne Duncan (NIGHT OF THE GHOULS) as well as Shirley Kilpatrick as the title monster. Rumor has it that Kilpatrick, a good looking alien, later changed her name and took the lead role as the overweight psycho in THE HONEYMOON KILLERS but your guess to the truth is as good as mine. As one would expect with a film like this, we got stupid day for night scenes, bad dubbing, silly narration, poor special effects and a questionable story but all of them makes for some cheap entertainment. Apparently the movie was shot for $18,000 and it looks it. The performances aren't anything to write home about but they are good enough for this type of material. Speaking of the narration, it really seems like he's on some sort of bad acid trip because his speech goes in and out so much that he certainly seems drugged. The alien itself is done with some bad special effects but she's at least a nice looker. Fans of high budget Hollywood movies aren't going to find any charm here but if you enjoy stuff like TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE or ROBOT MONSTER then dig in and enjoy.

It's amazing to me how films this poor continue to have a commercial life, but the recent DVD release of this Bomb just proves that some people will watch anything (like me, unfortunately)!

Produced on the cheap (maybe a couple of week's worth of a kid's school lunch money), pic features a mysterious, glowing Alien female (Shirley Kilpatrick) whose radioactive touch brings instant death. Miss Astounding gets mixed up with some kidnappers (led by Kenne Duncan) and their victims on a secluded mountain range and gradually picks them off one by one until vanquished by a stalwart geologist (Robert Clarke). Ridiculous denouement suggests that our title monster was sent to Earth as an Emissary of peace. You could have fooled me.

Production values are strictly from hunger and the film has the amateurish look of a home movie. Poorly edited and with horrible sound, it's a chore to sit through. Although music is credited to an individual, the soundtrack sounds more like a collection of poorly matched library music cues.

This flick started the downward spiral of Clarke's movie career, which reached it's nadir with a string of films with world class hack Jerry Warren. Warren no doubt used this production as inspiration for his "ouerve". Movies of this type have garnered a reputation for being "So Bad, they're good!". This one's just plain bad.

1957's "The Astounding She-Monster" was a micro budget independent picked up by AIP, shot in four to six days in December 1956 by first time director/producer Ronnie Ashcroft (after working on Roger Corman's "Day the World Ended"), the budget of $18,000 sadly apparent on screen, lots of pointless narration, interminable driving, and wandering the woods waiting for the director to yell 'cut.' The presence of Kenne Duncan from "Night of the Ghouls" indicates the probable involvement of maverick filmmaker Ed Wood, whose more lively antics are certainly more watchable than this gabfest. The most inept trio of kidnappers are forced off the road by the mysterious appearance of 'a naked dame' who literally glows in the dark (the original shooting title was in fact "Naked Invader"), a recently arrived alien visitor (Shirley Kilpatrick) whose radioactive touch means instant death for snakes, bears, dogs, and humans. Robert Clarke's geologist shelters the thugs and their wealthy socialite victim in his mountain cabin, worrying about phone calls, police bulletins, and the search for booze until our space babe makes a nuisance of herself. It's a pleasure to see the villains knocked off but it's still a slog sitting through a plot that cannot sustain feature length. We never see any sign of Shirley's spaceship and her one piece outfit isn't as sexy as the curvaceous poster that undoubtedly made it a hit, while her background as a popular pinup model offers another reason for the picture's endurance (the obese Shirley Stoler who starred in 1970's "The Honeymoon Killers" was a different actress though they do share a similarity in looks). Clarke was dismayed by the final results yet so astonished by its success (his investment yielded a tidy $3000) that he figured he could do better, directing his own vehicle a year later with "The Hideous Sun Demon"; unfortunately he chose a distributor that went belly up rather quickly, sinking all potential profits.

In my opinion, the "bad" movie lover has to show some discernment. Not all bad sci fi and horror movies are all that much fun to watch. For every campy gem like 'Plan Nine From Outer Space' or 'Teenagers From Outer Space' there are dozens of truly awful low (and no) budget films that are a chore to sit through. 'The Astounding She-Monster' is somewhere in between good bad and bad bad. Director Ronald Ashcroft was actually a colleague of Ed Wood and was assistant director on 'Night Of The Ghouls', but he is neither as inept nor as unintentionally hilarious as his mentor. The very slim plot concerns a good guy geologist (Robert Clarke) who finds his remote cabin invaded by some hoods who have kidnapped a rich society dame, and are planning on holding her to ransom. Pretty soon all are at the mercy of the shimmering she-monster, a glowing visitor from outer space who can kill with one touch. The monster is played by one Shirley Kilpatrick who many cult movie fans insist is actually Shirley Stoler of 'The Honeymoon Killers' fame. If this is true it is a wonderful bit of trivia, but even so the monster is an unforgettable bit of no-budget invention. Kilpatrick basically walks around in a glittery jump suit and is shown out of focus. The movie goes for just over an hour but that is long enough. More than that it would out stay its welcome. Fans of goofy 1950s SF will probably enjoy this one more than disinterested viewers. I have seen better, but I have also seen MUCH worse. I would file 'The Astounding She-Monster' under "reasonably amusing low budget sci fi schlock", and give it a half-hearted recommendation.