The Astounding She-Monster

It's amazing to me how films this poor continue to have a commercial life, but the recent DVD release of this Bomb just proves that some people will watch anything (like me, unfortunately)!

Produced on the cheap (maybe a couple of week's worth of a kid's school lunch money), pic features a mysterious, glowing Alien female (Shirley Kilpatrick) whose radioactive touch brings instant death. Miss Astounding gets mixed up with some kidnappers (led by Kenne Duncan) and their victims on a secluded mountain range and gradually picks them off one by one until vanquished by a stalwart geologist (Robert Clarke). Ridiculous denouement suggests that our title monster was sent to Earth as an Emissary of peace. You could have fooled me.

Production values are strictly from hunger and the film has the amateurish look of a home movie. Poorly edited and with horrible sound, it's a chore to sit through. Although music is credited to an individual, the soundtrack sounds more like a collection of poorly matched library music cues.

This flick started the downward spiral of Clarke's movie career, which reached it's nadir with a string of films with world class hack Jerry Warren. Warren no doubt used this production as inspiration for his "ouerve". Movies of this type have garnered a reputation for being "So Bad, they're good!". This one's just plain bad.

1957's "The Astounding She-Monster" was a micro budget independent picked up by AIP, shot in four to six days in December 1956 by first time director/producer Ronnie Ashcroft (after working on Roger Corman's "Day the World Ended"), the budget of $18,000 sadly apparent on screen, lots of pointless narration, interminable driving, and wandering the woods waiting for the director to yell 'cut.' The presence of Kenne Duncan from "Night of the Ghouls" indicates the probable involvement of maverick filmmaker Ed Wood, whose more lively antics are certainly more watchable than this gabfest. The most inept trio of kidnappers are forced off the road by the mysterious appearance of 'a naked dame' who literally glows in the dark (the original shooting title was in fact "Naked Invader"), a recently arrived alien visitor (Shirley Kilpatrick) whose radioactive touch means instant death for snakes, bears, dogs, and humans. Robert Clarke's geologist shelters the thugs and their wealthy socialite victim in his mountain cabin, worrying about phone calls, police bulletins, and the search for booze until our space babe makes a nuisance of herself. It's a pleasure to see the villains knocked off but it's still a slog sitting through a plot that cannot sustain feature length. We never see any sign of Shirley's spaceship and her one piece outfit isn't as sexy as the curvaceous poster that undoubtedly made it a hit, while her background as a popular pinup model offers another reason for the picture's endurance (the obese Shirley Stoler who starred in 1970's "The Honeymoon Killers" was a different actress though they do share a similarity in looks). Clarke was dismayed by the final results yet so astonished by its success (his investment yielded a tidy $3000) that he figured he could do better, directing his own vehicle a year later with "The Hideous Sun Demon"; unfortunately he chose a distributor that went belly up rather quickly, sinking all potential profits.

This is one of those so horrible they are awesome horror/scifi movies from the late 50's. I remember watching this on the Friday night Horror movie "Dimension 16", 10:30 Friday nights based out of Joplin, Missouri-"Do you know where your children are....HA HA HA" (scary laughter) anyway, this movie as a child scared the pants off of me, the sight of the glowing She Monster from outer space lurking around in the woods was pretty heady stuff when you are 6 years old. I was able to get it when it came out on DVD and while as an adult I can see how thin the plot is, how bad the acting is and how low budget and the sets are, it still brought back wonderful memories of hiding under the blankets with my sister after watching the eerily sexy She Monster. I read somewhere that the female lead was actually a stripper and the reason you always see her backing away from the camera (no ass shots) is that the costume was so tight she split the rear end out and the budget was so low they couldn't or wouldn't repair the costume. Don't know if that's a true story but I hope it is as it makes this campy little classic even campier.

Astounding She-Monster, The (1957)

** (out of 4)

Low-budget mix of sci-fi, horror and crime has made this one of the most loved cult movies from that golden era where no-money meant entertainment in this genre. Three crooks kidnap a rich girl and then take another hostage inside a small cabin in the woods. Their plan is going great until a female alien lands on Earth with the ability to kill just by a simple touch. Fans of this type of material are going to get quite a few kicks out of this one as the film features some of our faves including Robert Clarke (THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON), Kenne Duncan (NIGHT OF THE GHOULS) as well as Shirley Kilpatrick as the title monster. Rumor has it that Kilpatrick, a good looking alien, later changed her name and took the lead role as the overweight psycho in THE HONEYMOON KILLERS but your guess to the truth is as good as mine. As one would expect with a film like this, we got stupid day for night scenes, bad dubbing, silly narration, poor special effects and a questionable story but all of them makes for some cheap entertainment. Apparently the movie was shot for $18,000 and it looks it. The performances aren't anything to write home about but they are good enough for this type of material. Speaking of the narration, it really seems like he's on some sort of bad acid trip because his speech goes in and out so much that he certainly seems drugged. The alien itself is done with some bad special effects but she's at least a nice looker. Fans of high budget Hollywood movies aren't going to find any charm here but if you enjoy stuff like TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE or ROBOT MONSTER then dig in and enjoy.

WARNING: "The Astounding She-Monster" is a movie for people with highly specialized tastes. It tells the story of a trio of kidnappers, their socialite victim, the geologist whose house they invade, AND a blond, radium-emitting alien in tight spandex who crash-lands her spacecraft near that same house. Potential viewers of this film must possess the following traits: They must love movies that are made on the supercheap, and that contain no outdoor synch dialogue; movies in which egregious day-for-night photography is used, worse than anything in "Plan 9," and in which non sequitur music that bears little relation to the story is standard. These viewers should also be OK with inept direction; the insertion of long, meaningless shots; offscreen narration that sounds as if it's being read by a hypnotized dodo; Grade Z acting by a six-person cast (well, maybe Robert Clarke gives a Grade D performance); and "special" effects that look as though they were filmed through a Vaseline-smeared camera lens. It also wouldn't hurt if potential viewers didn't mind scratchy-looking prints on their DVD, with abysmal sound that keeps dropping out, and with hardly an "extra" to be found. If the above seems to match your highly specialized tastes, then "The Astounding She-Monster" might be just the flick for you. Only don't say I didn't warn you!