The Astounding She-Monster

This is another one of those "so bad it's good" Grade-Z science-fiction flicks from the 1950s. Hammy acting, bad dialogue, melodramatic narration, cheesy effects--it's all there, along with enough plot holes to drive a starship through. This movie tries really hard: it has wiseguy gangsters, an alcoholic gun moll, a rich kidnapped heiress, a lonely bachelor scientist who talks to his dog, and a beautiful deadly female space-alien wearing a skintight catsuit. Something for everyone!

1957's "The Astounding She-Monster" was a micro budget independent picked up by AIP, shot in four to six days in December 1956 by first time director/producer Ronnie Ashcroft (after working on Roger Corman's "Day the World Ended"), the budget of $18,000 sadly apparent on screen, lots of pointless narration, interminable driving, and wandering the woods waiting for the director to yell 'cut.' The presence of Kenne Duncan from "Night of the Ghouls" indicates the probable involvement of maverick filmmaker Ed Wood, whose more lively antics are certainly more watchable than this gabfest. The most inept trio of kidnappers are forced off the road by the mysterious appearance of 'a naked dame' who literally glows in the dark (the original shooting title was in fact "Naked Invader"), a recently arrived alien visitor (Shirley Kilpatrick) whose radioactive touch means instant death for snakes, bears, dogs, and humans. Robert Clarke's geologist shelters the thugs and their wealthy socialite victim in his mountain cabin, worrying about phone calls, police bulletins, and the search for booze until our space babe makes a nuisance of herself. It's a pleasure to see the villains knocked off but it's still a slog sitting through a plot that cannot sustain feature length. We never see any sign of Shirley's spaceship and her one piece outfit isn't as sexy as the curvaceous poster that undoubtedly made it a hit, while her background as a popular pinup model offers another reason for the picture's endurance (the obese Shirley Stoler who starred in 1970's "The Honeymoon Killers" was a different actress though they do share a similarity in looks). Clarke was dismayed by the final results yet so astonished by its success (his investment yielded a tidy $3000) that he figured he could do better, directing his own vehicle a year later with "The Hideous Sun Demon"; unfortunately he chose a distributor that went belly up rather quickly, sinking all potential profits.

In my opinion, the "bad" movie lover has to show some discernment. Not all bad sci fi and horror movies are all that much fun to watch. For every campy gem like 'Plan Nine From Outer Space' or 'Teenagers From Outer Space' there are dozens of truly awful low (and no) budget films that are a chore to sit through. 'The Astounding She-Monster' is somewhere in between good bad and bad bad. Director Ronald Ashcroft was actually a colleague of Ed Wood and was assistant director on 'Night Of The Ghouls', but he is neither as inept nor as unintentionally hilarious as his mentor. The very slim plot concerns a good guy geologist (Robert Clarke) who finds his remote cabin invaded by some hoods who have kidnapped a rich society dame, and are planning on holding her to ransom. Pretty soon all are at the mercy of the shimmering she-monster, a glowing visitor from outer space who can kill with one touch. The monster is played by one Shirley Kilpatrick who many cult movie fans insist is actually Shirley Stoler of 'The Honeymoon Killers' fame. If this is true it is a wonderful bit of trivia, but even so the monster is an unforgettable bit of no-budget invention. Kilpatrick basically walks around in a glittery jump suit and is shown out of focus. The movie goes for just over an hour but that is long enough. More than that it would out stay its welcome. Fans of goofy 1950s SF will probably enjoy this one more than disinterested viewers. I have seen better, but I have also seen MUCH worse. I would file 'The Astounding She-Monster' under "reasonably amusing low budget sci fi schlock", and give it a half-hearted recommendation.

WARNING: "The Astounding She-Monster" is a movie for people with highly specialized tastes. It tells the story of a trio of kidnappers, their socialite victim, the geologist whose house they invade, AND a blond, radium-emitting alien in tight spandex who crash-lands her spacecraft near that same house. Potential viewers of this film must possess the following traits: They must love movies that are made on the supercheap, and that contain no outdoor synch dialogue; movies in which egregious day-for-night photography is used, worse than anything in "Plan 9," and in which non sequitur music that bears little relation to the story is standard. These viewers should also be OK with inept direction; the insertion of long, meaningless shots; offscreen narration that sounds as if it's being read by a hypnotized dodo; Grade Z acting by a six-person cast (well, maybe Robert Clarke gives a Grade D performance); and "special" effects that look as though they were filmed through a Vaseline-smeared camera lens. It also wouldn't hurt if potential viewers didn't mind scratchy-looking prints on their DVD, with abysmal sound that keeps dropping out, and with hardly an "extra" to be found. If the above seems to match your highly specialized tastes, then "The Astounding She-Monster" might be just the flick for you. Only don't say I didn't warn you!

An absurd introductory narrative precedes THE ASTOUNDING SHE-MONSTER! Then, another narrator takes over, telling us what we're witnessing on screen. The abduction of a socialite, made so much better by voice-over rather than any real dialogue.

The scene shifts to the wilderness, where geologist, Dick Cutler (Robert Clarke) walks his dog, unaware that nearby, a ship has landed. From this craft comes the shimmering alien of the title. Not only does she shimmer, but she seems to warp, as though made of some ethereal liquid. Either that, or she's imbibed too much space juice. Who really knows for sure? She saunters... no, sachets along, like an alien in need of a restroom. Still shimmering.

Meanwhile, the kidnappers and their hostage arrive, all of this happening close to Cutler's remote cabin. Soon, all will meet together. What are the odds of such a confluence of various characters and events occurring? Perhaps the she-monster knows.

Uh oh!

The sachet-ing she-monster has the space voodoo, touch of death! She wanders... no, meanders through the forest, using her hands of deadliness! Who will survive this awfulness?

Fans of all that is movie muck, rejoice! This is your day of deliverance!

EXTRA CREDIT FOR: #1- The tough-talking crooks and their drunken moll. #2- The game of "in-and-out-of-the-cabin", where everyone leaves and re-enters several times, even after it appears they've escaped the horror!

This is highly entertaining flotsam...