Die große Liebe meines Lebens

"An Affair to Remember" is an almost perfect film. It is as deep and rich as it is stylish and romantic.

And if someone tells you it is just a soap opera -- that person would be very, very wrong.

Yes, the film has style to burn. Deborah Kerr was never more beautiful. Her skin looks like cream; her pert, pinched nose like a blossom. She's never been more appealing than she is here. The scene where she smiles from a boat at her fiancé on shore alone is worth the price of admission.

Cary Grant seems to sleep in tuxedos. He is a walking model of male perfection.

Less observant viewers come away from this movie thinking that nothing happened, that nothing was ever at stake, that nothing was risked or gained. How wrong they are.

Kerr's amazing dresses -- how about the one with the pumpkin colored ribbons woven through the front? -- Grant's suavity, and the south of France settings are not just there to pose for the camera.

All of the beauty of this film is there to do very hard work -- to tell a less than beautiful story.

And, no, this is not a movie where nothing happens. Something is happening in every scene -- you just have to be paying attention, and you just have to be mature enough, or have your antenna up high enough, to catch the subtle messages the film is sending, and to feel in your own solar plexus, the resonances of loves, dreams, and selves risked and gained, or lost.

Nicki and Terry are both gambling much here. They are wounded people in a world of high glamor; they speak in arch codes, even as their hearts are bleeding, or their breath is caught against the cage of dreams.

Grant's character, Nicki Ferrante, is a lazy gigolo. "Gigolo" is a pretty word for an ugly situation. Ferrante is a talented artist, but he knows that he can market something else he does -- seduce women -- far more easily, and for a higher price, than he can get for his paintings.

Kerr's character, Terry McKay, as she says, had to grow up very fast, and fight off a boss who -- well -- she faced some bad stuff in her life. When a steady, but less than thrilling, man offered to set her up, she, no fool, took the offer.

These are two beautiful people swanning through life over some very ugly circumstances. They have both sold their best selves for easy money.

And, then, completely by chance, on shipboard, they meet their soul mates. This meeting doesn't just present them with an opportunity for a one night stand. It demands that they face their own fears, and become their best selves.

I'm one of those cynical people who doesn't believe in love, never mind soul mates, but this movie carries it all off so well, it makes me believe.

Grant and Kerr begin with the lightest, and subtlest, of exchanges. they say things to each other -- example: "I'd be surprised if you were surprised" -- that, if you are not paying attention and that if you don't know a lot about life -- would just go over your head.

Slowly but surely their effervescent, and yet irresistible, attraction becomes truly heavy. The scene with Grandmere Janou (Cathleen Nesbit) is amazing for all it says, without actually saying anything.

I could see a naive film-goer taking in that scene and then asking, "What was the point of that scene?" You really have to have your eyes on the screen, and have a sensitivity to human interactions. Who is looking at whom; whose face is suddenly hidden and why; who is saying what without actually saying it; and why does the sound of that boat whistle bring tears -- you have to be willing to pay attention, and to have a sense of life and human relationships, and, yes, an openness to the possibility of there being a God to understand that scene.

Here you have a man and a woman who have, basically, sold themselves to the highest bidder, and who, at that point, are perilously close to cheating. What happens? Their love is blessed by the Virgin Mary. Heavy stuff.

"We changed our course today." Truer words were never spoken.

I've got to hand it to Leo McCarey, who wrote and directed this film as well as the Academy Award winning "Going My Way." He so wonderfully brings the best, and most complex, aspects of Catholicism to the screen here. Catholicism is associated with the romance languages -- French, Italian -- and it also is friendly to this kind of romance -- a romance where fallen beauties are blindsided by the kind of tortuous, redemptive, overwhelming, fated love that demands, and gets, everything, after which, you are never the same.

If you haven't seen the movie, or "Sleepless in Seattle," I won't reveal the ending to you. I'll just say that merely thinking about the ending can make me cry such tears as, really, very few films I've ever seen can make me cry. These tears are their own species.

...especially if that man is being played by Cary Grant! I'm not going to spoil it for you by repeating WHAT Grant's character says that sounds ridiculous, I'll let you watch and find out. I'd just like to know what kind of bucks the studio held out to Grant to get him to speak some of these lines, which are mainly the lines every woman wants to hear from a man who looks and moves like Cary Grant.

The idea behind this film is that two people on the threshold of middle age - at least in the 1950's - meet on a long cruise and fall in love. So far, so good. But there are complications, or else there would be no movie. Both are involved with wealthy members of the opposite sex and have no money or real skills of their own. They agree to try to make a go of it independently, having no contact with the other, and to meet at the top of the Empire State Building six months from the day of landing in New York if all works out. Complications ensue.

You are obviously setting yourself up for disaster or at least miscommunication and bitterness if you say things like "if one of us doesn't show up, no questions". No grudge maybe, but no questions, no bothering to find out what went wrong? Wouldn't it just eat at you not knowing during the six months if the other person just forgot all about this plan in the first place and you are eking out a living for nothing? I shall now prepare to be pelted by eggs, tomatoes, and tear stained handkerchiefs.

Grant's charming philanderer Nicky Ferrante, a renowned bachelor, and Kerr's American nightclub singer Terry McKay meet aboard a transatlantic luxury liner steaming back to New York via Naples and surrender—in the midst of good humor—to their undeniable chemistry…

Unfortunately, both are hampered with others lovers… At the end of the voyage, they make a promise… In six months, if both are free they will reunite at the top of the Empire State Building, "the nearest thing they have to heaven in New York."

In the day of the meeting, the reformed Grant put his paintbrushes away and luckily paces the skyscraper's roof, but Kerr, looking up to heaven to see him, is involved in a serious accident…

What fallows is almost unbelievable as Grant yields to pompous cynicism, unaware Kerr is too proud to let him know the truth…

With four Oscar nominations, and with attractive settings as the French Riviera, and two appealing beautiful people sharing pink champagne, Leo McCarey's pretty good romantic film gives off flashes of gaiety and sways with longing hearts to be filled with love and life

What one has to consider about the Deborah Kerr/Cary Grant characters is that they are both "kept" individuals: Kerr by a wealthy Texan named Ken (-doll, played by Richard Denning), Grant a gigolo engaged to an heiress (Neva Patterson). They meet on an ocean cruise, with this some cute and also silly comedy thrown in. Kerr & Grant are British and speak the accents yet their characters are from the U.S.; a not too distracting error, however. An unusually touching scene is when they de-bark in Italy and visit Grant's 82-year-old grandmother (Cathleen Nesbitt). It's a beautiful setting with wonderful music and pathos. Back in the states the couple agree to meet atop the Empire State Building in 6 months. One wonders why Kerr won't marry the handsome Denning, athletic, wealthy and kind (in real-life the actor was married to the British-raised actress Evelyn Ankers, a beauty in the Kerr-mold). Much of the second half is infused with un-necessary scenes of singing children but this all leads up the the final, long scene, beautifully acted and directed (by Leo McCarey). A mystery is very slowly unraveled in layers until the peak of the scene, scored by the emotional title theme song. This scene "gets" one every time, that's how effective it is. Beautiful costumes, scenery, clever photography (note the scene where the open patio door reveals the Empire State Building in its reflection), great cast make this an enduring, never-forgotten golden classic.

This film has to be probably the best romantic film I've ever seen, even above Gone With The Wind, but on the same level as The English Patient (my favorite film of all time). I got intrigued by this film back in high school when my sister dragged me to see Sleepless in Seattle. I caught the references to this film that Meg Ryan made throughout that film and thought that I'd like to rent this film (Affair to Remember) to see what the commotion was about. Needless to say, with the whole "shipboard romance" aspect of it, and the promise to meet again in six months atop the Empire State Building of all places, I quickly became hooked. The scene on the French Riviera with Nickie's grandmother playing the piano, oh God is it beautiful! Cary Grant is so debonair and suave and Deborah Kerr is so ravishing and stunningly beautiful, that it always demands repeated viewing from me (at least three times a year). Seeing this film always makes me wonder if something like the kind of relationship that Nickie had with Terry in the film would really be possible. Would and could someone actually leave the person they were engaged to to marry a complete and total stranger that they just met days ago? I'd like to think that it could, but then I am nothing but a hopeless romantic. The final scene always tears my heart out, no matter how many times I've seen it, I'm always sobbing. Watching this film around Valentine's Day (even if you are single) is always a treat. It allows our fantasies to take flight so that we may think that we are actually the one meeting our beloved atop the Empire State Building in a thunderstorm. Watch with a box of Kleenex nearby. My rating: 4 stars