Mrs. Maude Brown: She's fresh as a young heifer still romping among the daisies in her innocence, almost mooing for her mama.
Mr. Dinklespieler: So you say, my Dear, so you say. But I have noted in the past a slight tendency on your part to exaggeration. Some of your heifers have turned out to be overblown milk cows.
Mrs. Maude Brown: Dear Dinklespieler, I am not asking you to purchase sight unseen. You may investigate fully.
Mr. Dinklespieler: Fully? How fully?
Mr. Dinklespieler: Fifty guineas worth.
Mr. Dinklespieler: 'od's blood, you ask more for an untried maiden than the government asks of me in taxes.
Mrs. Maude Brown: A lass like Fanny could never be taxing to a man of your prowess, dear cousin.
Mr. Dinklespieler: I have held my years well, I dare say, eh?
Mrs. Maude Brown: You have not aged one whit since you bounced me on your knee years ago.
Mr. Dinklespieler: I bounced you Madam, but not on my knee!
[they laugh salaciously]
Mr. Dinklespieler: Alright, alright. Bring the lass here.
Mrs. Maude Brown: Pray, remember, Dear Mr Dinklespieler, that the girl thinks we are cousins. Consanguinity is so reassuring in moments like this.
Mr. Dinklespieler: I have not dared tried that in years. You need equipment do you not? A rolling chair with castors, hot then cold running water, and trapeze attachment, huh?
Mrs. Maude Brown: No, no you misunderstand me. I mean the girl will be reassured if she thinks we are cousins.
Mr. Dinklespieler: Incest?
Mrs. Maude Brown: Pray, cousin, before I bring the lass in, the palpable evidence of your good faith...?
Mr. Dinklespieler: Madam, I am a busy man. My very being here is evidence of good faith. Put it on my account.
Mrs. Maude Brown: Backed up by fifty guineas in coin of the realm, I'd feel not a moment's hesitation leaving you alone with the girl. But without the coins themselves in my hand, my conscience would scarcely permit me to.
Mr. Dinklespieler: The devil with your conscience, bring me the maid.
