Maciste gegen die Kopfjäger

This isn't the worst movie I've ever seen, or even the worse 'Maciste' movie I've ever seen...believe it or not, this movie is an order of magnitude better than "Maciste Against Hercules In the Valley Of Woe". It is a clunker of a sword-and-sandals movie, but it still has a kind of innocence about it, as if the actors and the film crew knew they were just churning out product, but still had some pride in their work.

For some reason, the folks who brought it over to the English speaking world didn't want to admit this was another in the series of terrible 'Maciste' movies and so it went by the title of 'Colossus and the Headhunters'.

The plot is a drunken walk which makes even the later Hercules movies look coherent and well thought out. The whole thing is really just an excuse to show off the physique of the actor playing Maciste/Colossus as he strains to open doors, pick stuff up, throw stuff, topple a tower onto some fighting villagers, etc. (There's also some decent sword fighting and a nice thing where he beats up bad guys with chains and other props.) But there isn't really all that much of him in the movie, which see below. It's mostly just minor character actors and extras running around in loincloths and armor and hitting each other with swords and clubs.

This guy named 'Kirk Morris' who plays Maciste is built pretty well. He resembles a latter day Strongfort or Maxim. But aside from a really tiny waist and some decent pecs, he isn't really all that impressive as a centerpiece for a film about a Body. It also seems to me that most of the time he's sucking in his gut so hard that he has very little energy left to 'act' with, and this also results in his tending to move as if someone stuck a poker up his backside. This could be why Maciste hardly DOES anything in this film, at least compared to a typical Hercules film where half the film is Herc front and center in the action, beating the stuffing out of the bad guys...Steve Reeves and Reg Park (and even "Alan Steele") could move quite convincingly on short notice,but poor Kirk Morris might have been somewhat out of his league in meeting action hero demands.

Yet another terrible dubbing job makes it hard to tell how good the writing and the acting actually is, but you can bet that this film started out as throwaway hackwork and was dragged down several more notches by the dub. I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt and say that the writing and acting in its original language would be slightly better than a Republic chapter serial.

There is a hilarious moment in the MST3K version of the movie where three of the good guys set out from the ravaged village where a major fight has taken place in pursuit of the kidnapped princess, and they just skip right over some of the fallen corpses of their fellow villagers on their way out of the square. Mike and the Bots moan in disbelief, "Ohhhh, DON'T hop over the bodies...! That's just wrong!"

You'd be better off counting cross-stitch than wasting time with this movie, but it's harmless enough.

This film features the Italian hero Maciste who is an adventurer super strong type a bit like the Greek Hercules. So much so that a few of Maciste's adventures (there were a lot of them back in the 60's) were repackaged as Hercules films here in the United States. This was the case with the 1964 Maciste film that is more well known as, Hercules Against the Moon Men. This one was given the title, Colossus and the Headhunters, which was a bit strange seeing as how during the duration of the film the hero was never referred to as Colossus, but rather the Italian name Maciste. My guess they did not go with giving the name Hercules to the film due to the hero not sporting a beard like would be the case with the Moon Men film. Heck, in that one the actor playing Maciste would be the man who was Steve Reeves' stuntman in the first two Hercules films. So these two characters kind of cross together in many ways. This film was one of two Maciste films featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000 along with Moon Men while Hercules would be riffed a total of three times, though they did tend to make it out like the Moon Men one was a Hercules film too. This film is not as good as the Moon Men film as that one may have featured an overly long sandstorm sequence, but at least it had some good traps and a few monsters within it. This one for the most part is a bit of a yawn after what was kind of an explosive way to start a movie!

The story has an island having a volcanic eruption. When I was watching this I thought the people were cavemen or something, but then a guy who seemed more Spartan showed up and then a big muscle dude comes along and gets as many people as he can on his raft so that the people can escape this explosive onslaught as the volcano claims the island. At this point I suspected it was another Maciste film and when I checked online I would learn my instincts were correct. After the eruption which seems almost as if there needed some sort of backstory but there is none the people float around until they reach land where they are promptly captured and Maciste wounded. Turns out their captors are not the bad guys and we learn of this tribe of headhunters who helped this one man overthrow this queen and her people and they soon capture her and the king may be alive and a lot of stuff is thrown in before a rather boring mob scene climax that is not as cool as the opening volcanic eruption.

This made for a rather funny episode of MST3K. Joel did the previous films featuring Hercules and Maciste, but Mike is the one that was burdened with it this time. This one is the worst of the films as the Hercules films were actually well done and even the Moon one had its moments. This one was just watching Maciste walking through brush through much of the film. They kept referring to him as Ma-cheese-steak as that is what it sounded like his name was. There are also funny moments during the end as the 'wedding' ceremony breaks down into an all out fight.

So, this film was not all that good after the volcano scene which basically started the film off with a bang! Granted, it was a bang that really needed a bit of story behind it and I am wondering if the previous Maciste film ended with him discovering the island and the volcano about to erupt or something. I do know there were a lot of Maciste films back in the 60's; however, I am not as sure if they followed each other as closely as the Hercules films as those films picked up after each other. If the Moon one is the next film then the answer to whether the Maciste films pick up after each other is a resounding 'no'.

Remember the first time someone put a stink bomb in your backpack, and when it broke it ruined everything in there and for the rest of the year your bag, books, and gym clothes still smelled like stink bomb?

Remember when there was that time you had the number 2 emergency and just couldn't make it to the restroom in time?

Remember the first and last time you grabbed the milk jug out of the fridge, opened it and with out hesitation quickly grabbed a couple quick chugs only two realize that it was no longer milk and had spoiled a few days ago?

Remember that feeling you got the first time you got pulled over by a police officer and you knew you were totally screwed and there was no way you were getting out of this one?

Remember the first time you really had a nightmare, and it really nearly scared you to death? Maybe you had sleep paralysis and thought you were being held down by some unknown presence and couldn't move, breathe or scream?

Do you remember any of that?

COLOSSUS AND THE HEADHUNTERS stars Kirk Morris as Colossus (aka: Maciste). He must leap into action right off the bat, to save the inhabitants of a small island from a volcano. He even uses his enormous boat to relocate them!

Oh no!

While Colossus is out looking for water, the entire tribe is abducted by men with checkered placemats on their heads! Colossus will soon meet up with these guys again, along with their queen. We know she's the queen because she wears a sequined tea cozy on her noggin.

Said ruler tells our huge hero about some headhunters that have been giving her trouble. Colossus winds up helping her and her placemat people against these napkin-domed savages, giving him ample opportunity to flex, and crush things.

How could anyone ever tire of watching grown men throw each other around?

Morris isn't bad in his role, but he's certainly no Mark Forest!

Make sure not to miss the odd, somewhat disturbing "wedding dance", performed by a woman in some sort of tutu! Annnd, yes, saints be praised! There are bongo drums!

This is transcendent entertainment, folks!...

With out a doubt this is one of the worst Sword and Sandal films ever made. Its absolutely stuck in the 1960's bad movie style that it was made and will never rise again except as something that the Mystery Science 3000 crew might rip apart.

Who made this? Can we stop them from ever doing it again?

The movie begins with and island blowing up and Maciste saving some of the inhabitants on his raft. If your jaw isn't hanging down around your knees by the time they have set sail you obviously haven't been paying attention. From there the group ends up on another island where two warring peoples are duking it out.

Did I say Island? Think Bavaria or the Alps, or somewhere with Vikings and Indians...and caves and...

Don't ask. Please don't, I lost the ability to speak when the island blew up and I don't know when I will be able to speak.

This is either a movie that will clear a room or fill it depending on how those in the room feel about picking on a really bad movie. This is a movie that must go on the list of all time clunkers- a talk backers treasure trove of stupid actions and dialog.

Frankly the only thing missing from making this the perfect bad movie, or the shining example of bad Sword and Sandal movie, is the fact that there is no monster. If this movie had a really bad monster of the rubber, or furry suit variety this would be perfect cheese... and a stuffed lion or tiger for someone to wrestle with...that would truly make it a perfect sit at home with friends and pick on the movie movie.

Under no circumstances watch this alone, it could prove deadly. I mean honestly, if you tried to watch this straight your brain would boil and you'd end up locked away in a padded cell and straight jacket until you die, because frankly its just that bad.

One out of ten, only because I can't go lower.