Le gladiatrici

Having just viewed this god awful movie I cannot go on without a comment. As a long term fan of sword and sandal movies I try to hunt down just about everything from that era, however this is the first time I have had to watch it bit by bit, yes it's so bad it's hilarious. Our hero Thor, a real bad acting performance from British actor Joe Robinson see's him up against Amazonian women who rule the land with an iron fist enslaving men and even having their own female gladiators to kill each other in the arena. From the very start it is quite clear that the writers of this nonsense must have came straight from a school play. Our hero Thor lives in a neat little underground cave with his black "servant", homo erotic overtones by the score when he gives his master an err...massage to sort his bad shoulder you know you are in for some fun, the servant...what ever his name is!, is portrayed as a bungling oaf and with the silly music that accompany's him is all there to see just how degrading it is, I will refrain from going over the plot but you really must see some of these scene's for yourselves, the first one is when Thor is discovered by the Amazon women and the line is "we are here to capture you Thor and take you back" or when his servant is captured by the queen who is luckily for him is also black puts him on a revolving pedestal and tells him to flex his muscles all over his body, she is so smitten by him in an instant he has some sort of African garb on and is to be her husband and king, the ensuing fight between him and Thor who is trying to change his mind on this is utterly hilarious.

This movie makes greats like Santa Clause Conquers The Martians and Plan 9 From Outer Space like cinema masterpieces!.

Only reason I watched this today (on a tape from one of the usual online sources) was that I expected it might be a movie I remembered from my youth. And, by "youth," I mean when I was about 7 or 8. The movie is a pretty standard "strong-man" film, although the man appears in very few scenes. Mostly, it's about a bizarre society of "amazon" women (who, I suspect, have none of them ever been on the same continent as the eponymous river) who enslave other women and force them to participate in gladiatorial combat. The slaves wear delightfully short skirts and lots of facial make-up. I have this creepy feeling that this film may have set my notions of what "sexy" means for the 35 years that have followed my seeing it, as I _still_ think thighs and mascara are pretty neat. But, also, I have always remembered a couple of scenes in particular, especially a climactic tug-of-war between Thor and 100 of the amazons. Perhaps it must be conceded as some indicator of quality that, unseen by me again in all that time, I _still_ remembered this movie. (On the other hand, if I had remembered it better, I'd have saved my money and not bought the tape. Make of those facts what you will.)

These women have 1960s hair and make-up on - way to modern for the time era this film is suppose to have taken place in. The stupid blue strap around their heads made it worse. And WTF are they wearing? Every single this about this film is ridiculous: acting, story, make-up, costumes, directing, cinematography - you name it.

The costuming looks extremely cheap... most all peplum films have outstanding costumes but his film looks like they raided a dollar store costume department at Halloween.

If you are a guy and want to look at some girls then you might like this film just for that reason alone. I have a feeling if the women were ugly the film would be rated 0.

1/10

Italian muscle movie of the 'sixties with it's brains in its gluteus maximus muscles. Aggressive amazons are enslaving men; to the rescue come the mighty Thor and his black sidekick, Ubaratutu (spelling?). I was convulsed with laughter both times that I saw this flick but many will simply accept it for what it is: a knuckle-headed spinoff of the Hercules series. I haven't seen it listed on TV in more than three decades, either because it's considered too stupid to show (why would that stop them?) or, more likely, because it's just too politically incorrect for our "sensitive" times: Ubaratutu is portrayed as dim-witted and cowardly and always refers to Thor as "master." If you watch this with people who are tuned-in to "camp," it may destroy you, as it did me. I laughed so hard that I cried, but don't say you weren't warned.

Unlike other Italian schlock whose racy titles promise more titillation than they could ever deliver, the Amazon Women of this film totally dominate the proceedings and it also lives up to its original Italian title 'Le Gladiatrici', with plenty of ferocious girl-on-girl swordplay. Thor, in the form of Joe Robinson, happily spends more time cosily shacked up with his chum Ubaratutu (played by Harry Baird); while the matriarchy presided over by the lynx-eyed, white cat stroking Black Queen Janine Hendy - who "thirsts for blood and death" - goes about its day to day business of showing itself as profligate with the lives of its hot young women as Sumuru would be eighteen thousand years later in her own bid to rule over men.

It would be tempting to describe the women and costumes as too modern looking, did its sexual politics ("the rule of women was the most frightful and horrible form of government") not already seem so antidiluvian a mere half century later.