The Naked Witch

To be fair, this low budget film should be viewed from the prism of its time, but even so, I don't recommend wasting any of yours on viewing it. Frankly, I didn't watch it all the way through, which is something rare for me. 1961 was a pretty repressed time in our country, and I think the main object of the film makers' intent was to titillate with the idea of a naked female character. I have a hard time believing that the protagonist didn't take a change of clothes on his journey, nor could I believe that the bedroom was 18th century. I regret that "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" is no more, as this film would have been great for them to spoof. This movie is worse than Seasonal Affective Disorder. Do yourself a favor and avoid it at all costs.

I am disappointed. I am dismayed. I am disgruntled. I began watching this video thinking I was about to see the first film of horror/cult icon Andy Milligan(still have not seen one of his films) only to see that it was directed by Larry Buchanan. It seems that in 1964 there were two...yes, that's right TWO films made and both titled The Naked Witch. Why the lack of creativity on someone's part I know not, but until I began watching this film and then researching it, I was in the dark on this tidbit of information. Not only that(and this information came courtesy the other reviewer on here) it seems that the version of The Naked Witch I watched(say that fast ten times!) has two versions as well, yes, that's right TWO versions, one in black and white and one in color! Well, I bet you can guess which version I saw. Thanks Sinister Cinema! I ended up seeing the old distorted black and white version with the poor audio and the scratchy film quality. While I was watching, I was contented that this was the best quality available, but now I know it comes in a pristine print put out by Something Weird Video and in COLOR! Now, I must get the color print to watch, even though the movie is by no means great. As I write this review, I want you to bear in mind that I did not see the best print. The story is about a student in Texas writing a paper on witches in German folklore in Texas. He meets people that are friendly but clam up when the supernatural is mentioned. Robert Short plays the student and narrates throughout the whole film, and his performance can only be described as wooden. Anyway, to make a long story short...he somehow raises the old, century-dead witch of the village who reeks her revenge on the descendants of the men responsible for burning her. The witch does rise from her grave and we see her old face(which is nothing more than a plastic mask) turn into her young face. She is of course naked...hence the title, although nothing really is very erotic about her, nor do we really see much except her shoulders. The story is decent, however, and I was entertained through much of it. For me the best part is the prologue about the history of witchcraft with paintings and narrated by Gary Owens(his first major job!) I bet they are something(as in Something Weird Video) in color!!!

You would think a movie that is less than an hour long couldn't be boring and filled with time killing nothingness but you would be very wrong. The first ten minutes of this horrible flick is a narrator explaining the history of witches while they show old paintings. Then we meet the main character who takes turns explaining the the non-story with the narrator. The guys car runs out of gas and he just leaves it and never goes back for it. Did I mention they constantly say it's dark when you can clearly tell that it's not? I hate that. Never watch this movie, trust me.

Let's go to Luckenbach Texas with Waylon and Willie and the boys. OK, wrong movie. No Waylon here. This is about witches. Well, it is about naked witches. they say.

First we have to sit though nine minutes of woodcarvings and a lecture on the history of witches. Then the student (Robert Short) who lands in Luchenbach, Texas to do research gives us a few minutes of history on the German settlers in this town. When do we get to the naked witches? There is no use talking about the cast as the vast majority did no more that two appearances in their careers.

Just when things do get interesting and we have a secret book in our hands, we get another history lesson. Sheesh.

Before we get a chance to see the witch (Libby Hall) naked, she steals the clothing off another girl (Jo Maryman). We don't get to see her naked either.

The use of Vaseline on the lens when the witch is swimming in the stream convinces us that we will never see all of the naked witch. The is clearly false advertising. Only the student is given unfettered view.

Questions unanswered: How did the student dig up a 100-year-old grave with his bare hands? Where did the witch find panties and shoes? Is having sex on gravel painful? What reward awaits the student after saving Krista?

The Naked Witch (1961)

1/2 (out of 4)

This 59 minute movie starts off as a documentary on witchcraft and it's slightly interesting for what it is. Then, around the ten minute mark we switch gears to an actual "movie" about a student who is doing research on witchcraft and comes across the grave of a witch. The witch returns and is sometimes naked. However, she's not naked enough to earn the title THE NAKED WITCH, which was obviously just a way to get creeps like me to watch the film.

This was co-directed by Claude Alexander and Larry Buchanan but it seems the majority of the "student" footage was from Buchanan. I'm really not sure why his name isn't brought up more when people discuss some of the worst directors of all time because he has certainly made some major stinkers and this here is one of the worst. Even though this turkey clocks in at less than a hour it's still rather hard to sit through and it's just about as boring as watching paint dry. The incredibly dry narration will have your eyes drying out to the point where you'll want to take a nap.

Apparently this originally played on television in B&W but the print I saw was in color. Also, while there's a limited amount of nudity, some of it appears to have been blacked out with a marker of some sort. Yes, it looks that cheap and bad. I've read this happened by the distributor but I don't know the whole story. Either way, THE NAKED WITCH is pretty pointless and only for those who enjoy really bad movies.