Love Island

If you like your island women with Hungarian accents..or stock footage of Balinese wedding ceremonies, you're in luck here. Otherwise, there's not much reason to bother with this one. Paul Valentine crash-lands on a south Pacific isle called Love Island in English. So far so dumb. Instantly he makes friends with Eva Gabor, long black-haired native babe. She's in a marriage quandary. Who will be the lucky guy - the noble Tamor, her friend since childhood? The odious fat guy who tries to blackmail her? Or the American she's known for a day? If you really wanna find out, watch this. Like me, you'll be wondering why GREEN ACRES never did a spoof of LOVE ISLAND!

Sad to say that the sight of Hungarian-born Eva Gabor with flowing long black hair and wearing one of Dorothy Lamour's cast-off sarongs isn't enough to save this poverty row film. It's a love story between an island girl and the Navy lieutenant who parachutes on to her beach and is intermingled with shots of Balinese culture. Beautiful Sarna (Gabor) has marriage on her mind and plenty of suitors - there is the buff suitor who is really just a friend much to his chagrin and the nasty suitor who looks like Charlie Chan and tries to blackmail her into wedded bliss and the singing officer Dickie (Valentine) becomes known as the 'foreign' suitor. Out of this Tom, Dick and Harry group a decision must be made - will Sarna follow her heart or help her father by marrying not for love but for his safety. Or will she follow her girlfriend who walks into the ocean rather than stay married to her old husband now that her fisherman lover is dead. No mention of throwing oneself into a volcano a la Bird of Paradise! Will Sarna stay in the east or go west (Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue!). YOUR decision is if you stick with this film long enough to find out.

An American gets stranded on an island full of the most laughably un-native natives you will ever see or hear. Paul Valentine starts as Richard Taber, a pilot who has crashed onto an island called Tubakara or whatever. English translation: Love Island! He falls head over heels over one of the native girls there played by Eva Gabor (!!!) but must fight for her from other white-men-playing-savage-beasts on the island. Realizing that this thin thin plot won't last for an hour, the filmmakers have also handily put in marriage customs (I think) of Other Lands for time-padding purposes. The end result is a bloody mess. Stilted acting, silly fight sequences, and laughable love scenes.. and oh yes, Taber SINGS in this too, makes for a less-then-hooty time.

Eva Gabor... from Green Acres. as Sarna, the island girl, no less. Flashback of Lieutenant Taber (Paul Valentine) crash landing on the south sea island. Picture and sound quality are pretty terrible, but.. public domain. Sarna shows Taber around the island, which has elegant (Thai ?) temples with beautiful gardens and dancers. Pretty elaborate for a south sea island! Seems to have scenes from other, earlier films cut and pasted into it. lazy! It's all very average. Sarna is torn between all her choices for a husband, and spends most of the film trying to decide. Acting is not so good. very stilted conversations. imdb states this was made by Elliot-Shelton Films. couldn't find much on them.. except that one of the producers is Hall Shelton. It's funny that in this one, Gabor seems to have LESS of an accent than she does ten years later in Green Acres. but i digress. This one is mostly interesting for the history of the Gabor sisters in hollywood. Directed by Bud Pollard. He got into films just as the studios were switching to talkies. Love Island was the last project he did, as he died after making the film.

I have the most amazing luck. My movies-to-watch stack is a couple hundred high, many of them mysteries to me. I chose two at random to watch tonight, this one and "Legong: Dance of the Virgins."

As it turns out, both are based in Bali. This movie has three settings: a few beach scenes, clearly shot in California; some really cheesy studio sets, and inserts taken from "Legong." The selections from "Legong" must have been a real trial to find footage without any topless women. And where the 1935 original is in glorious color, this presents it in black and white.

I'm a real critic of "Mystery Science" nags when applied to science fiction movies because the nature of the genre demands suspension of disbelief. But this project enters a world that actually exists, and climaxes in perhaps the most amateurish, even buffoonish fight ever filmed. Truly dreadful.

Eva Gabor, still with Hungarian accent, plays the Balinese beauty in a "me Jane" sort of movie English usually reserved for Native Americans. She's not appealing.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.