A Girl in Every Port

In many ways, the plot to "A Girl in Every Port" plays like an Abbott & Costello movie. William Bendix plays Tim...a rather dim sailor who is bossed around by his friend, Lucky (Groucho Marx). As for Lucky, he's a con man...and a fast-talking one at that.

The story begins with Lucky and Tim, once again, in the brig on the ship where they serve. It seems that despite being real rogues, the US Navy is apparently hard up and this alone would explain why they weren't discharged. After Tim foolishly buys a bum horse with his inheritance, their captain gives them time off duty to get Tim's money back for the horse. However, instead of just asking for the money, the scheming Lucky comes up with a plan to not only get Tim's money back...but a bit more for their trouble. This plan includes the help of a ditzy blonde (Marie Windsor) and her lookalike horse.

When the film was made, Groucho was 62 years-old...way too old to be a common seaman in the Navy. But considering how silly the plot is, this is the least of the plot problems in the film. Switching horses like they do isn't possible due to tattoos and other means the racetracks have to make sure horses aren't switched. But again....with a comedy like this, you can overlook all this.

So is it any good? Well, Bendix is just okay...and he doesn't really contribute a lot to the story. Instead, the movie seems much more a Groucho vehicle and he dominates the film. As for Marie Wilson, she's not as one-note and annoying as she often could be with her dumb blonde routine. The best thing the film has going for it, apart from Groucho, is energy and silliness. Not a great comedy but a very enjoyable one.

"A Girl In Every Port" is the story of two navy buddies who are stuck with a bum horse and try with all of their brilliance to turn a buck in the end.

Although not a great comedy by any means, "A Girl In Every Port" still shines in its own right. We are able, once we acknowledge that this is a vehicle for Groucho, to disregard any technical flaws and view it on its primary aspects: acting and scripting. In terms of acting, this is the intersection of three type-cast performers at the height of their type. Groucho Marx, older than we all remember, had just begun "You Bet Your Life," and was beginning to establish himself as a solo performer. His wise-guy persona, without the foils of his brothers, stands up well on its own. Marie Wilson plays her part as spot on as ever. She is a trite as the "dumb blonde," but she is just so good at it that we can forgive the cliché and embrace the goofiness. Finally, William Bendix plays the dumb but lovable tough that we will always remember him as. Mix up these caricatures with a script full of one-liners in three varieties and we have successful lightness. Bendix and Wilson are able to be dumb together, but, of course, in their own way, and the naïveté of their characters is wonderful against the poison that Groucho Marx brings to the screen. The jokes are wicked, mostly, and the story, although confused, unintelligent, and played out, is decent enough to string along the performances of two great B-listers and one master of comedy.

The racehorse in A GIRL IN EVERY PORT isn't the only thing that's lame. The plot, scripting, pacing and every other facet of this film follow suit. Even the title is misleading, as the ship never sails anywhere, and the only girl involved to any great extent is a stunningly moronic Marie Wilson. This film proves that labored, unfunny "comedies" were being produced long before the current spate of mindless garbage began spewing from our television and movie screens. The characters in this film all appear to have IQ's somewhere in the single digit range. It is indeed sad to see so many talented actors tangled up in this unfortunate yawner. Avoid this film at every opportunity.

For fans of both Groucho Marx and William Bendix, A Girl In Every Port will give some good moments for fans of both. But as a comedy team the two have no real chemistry between them.

I'm sure that Howard Hughes running RKO at the time must have thought these two were very funny so why not get a film property for both. For those who asked how Bendix and Marx could have been in this film you don't need to be a genius to figure it out. Howard Hughes could write checks and make offers impossible to refuse.

The guys are a pair of aged sailors in Uncle Sam's navy and Bendix is left a racehorse, one that's consistently running out of the money. But he's got a twin that's stakes race quality and so the plot begins.

Marie Wilson is at her airhead best and both guys are panting hot and heavy. But she prefers Don DeFore who loves the sport of kings. And in the end he prefers her to cold society fish Dee Hartford.

Also trying to exploit the twin horses are shady trainer Gene Lockhart, shady jockey George E. Stone, and gangster Teddy Hart. They all get their little bits, a chance to strut their stuff.

Like in A Day At The Races which if memory serves Groucho Marx was also in, there's the climatic big race. I'm still trying to wonder where they got a jockey outfit for Bendix. More important how could his horse win with that kind of weight being carried? Secretariat couldn't have handled it.

A Girl In Every Port is a passably amusing comedy, fans of the leads should like it.

"A Girl in Every Port" is one of the few solo efforts of Groucho Marx after 20 years of working almost exclusively with his brothers. It is probably one of the weakest films he was ever associated with. Occasionally his wit and his gift for free-association dialogue shines through, but there are also a couple of moments where his timing seems to have slowed down. The film also suffers from a needlessly convoluted plot (though, to its credit, the script acknowledges this flaw and even uses it as a target for some jokes), and the direction is generally flat. Still, the film is perfectly watchable and occasionally even entertaining. Let's face it, even Groucho at 80% speed is better than most comedians (of all eras) at 100%. And then there is also Marie Wilson. Unlike most comedies of its time where women usually have straight roles, she plays a good-hearted but extremely ditzy girl, with legs that go on for miles and breasts that nearly burst through her outfits. The scene where her bare shoulders keep getting exposed is actually kind of sensual. And Teddy Hart is pretty funny as the gangster "High Life". ** out of 4.