Things Like This

I'd like to first start off by stating that I am an obese gay man, married to a wonderful man, who I'd define as attractive by societal standards. I am happy and confident, both in myself and in my marriage. So after seeing so many hateful comments online about how "things like this would never happen in real life" (ironic, since this line is in the film and also part of the title), but were referring to that a "hot" guy would never be attracted to a fat guy, I felt compelled to go support this film. So my husband and I, and a group of friends bought tickets for the film.

It's important to first inform you that the lead role of the heavy set gay man, is performed by Max Talisman, who also wrote and directed the film. I preface this because for those of you who remember the film The Room, which was written by, directed by and starred Tommy Wiseau, I was constantly reminded of this during the viewing. Yes, the script was baffling, the jokes were cringe, and many of the performances, mostly by Talisman, were laughable. And Talisman's lead character was not only painful to watch on screen due to his shrill voice and high school theatre level acting skills, but he was also confusing to watch because he was written as a very unlikeable person, who is downright nasty to both his friends and strangers. And that's where I'd like to turn your attention to what comes across as unwarranted narcissism from Talisman the director, to which bleeds into the plot and the protagonist. Talisman's main character is unlikeable, rude, and awkward. He does nothing to deserve anyone's affection, and yet at one point in the movie, his love interests calls him charming. I couldn't see it. But the red carpet seems to roll out for Talisman's character throughout this cringe fest of cliche romance movie tropes that we've all seen a million times, and ultimately leads to, I'm not kidding you, a music number... Performed by... Wait for it... MAX TALISMAN. And his performance was equivalent to your drunk friend on karaoke night. The jokes, the cliches, the awkward exchanges, they all resulted in what could only feel like an undeserved narcissistic brag by Talisman, who wanted to show everyone that he could get love, the cute guy, and a musical number. This once again reflects back on Tommy Wiseau, who's narcissism pushed him to create a film, because he believed he could have it all, regardless of whether he earned any of these achievements.

I wanted to support an LGBT movie that was body positive, but this was not it. The fact that Talisman's character kept his shirt on during a love scene, while his "hot" love interest was shirtless only supports my argument that Talisman's supposed confidence in the film is a false narrative. Strangely enough, they also make subtle references to Talismans character having an eating disorder, but then never address it again. There were many unexplained odd moments in this film like this, again reminding me of The Room (if you remember the scenes with the strange flower shop owner, or the mother addressing her cancer and then never referencing it again, this film had similar moments).

I do want to give credit where it's due. Joey Pollari stands out in this film as acting well beyond the shallow script he had to work with. His performance may have just made watching this film survivable.

I'd like to end this review by hoping that this film actually gets more attention, because I believe it has the potential for being a cult classic due to how bad it is. We all laughed throughout the entire film, it even brought me to tears. And in the words of one of the 'best friend' characters: "This is not a dollar store romance novel".... Oh honey, it's on the discount rack.

There's a rule in screenwriting that if you're going to have a character who's a bit extra/annoying/difficult, they need to do something unquestionably good early into the script, like saving a cat. That never happens for either of the two romantic leads. One is annoying, the other is slightly less annoying... and while I want more plus-size representation in queer cinema, certainly we can do better than this. Apart from making each other laugh, I never understood why either of them found the other attractive. I only realized that one of the actors who plays the romantic lead also wrote and starred in it when we got to the end. So... was this supposed to be some sort of fantasy about getting the hottie? But the thing is, the supposed "hottie" wasn't that attractive because he's such a jerk to the people around him. We can do better than this...

Such a good opportunity missed. This could have been great, but it felt unbelievable and contrived. I did wonder if it was written by someone with autism because it doesn't really seem aware of any social cues about how life works.

This isn't believable in the slightest. Bit of a fantasy world of some gay teen, with no grounding in reality. Oh look, a sexy man going through some stuff, being vulnerable, falling for someone not conventionally attractive. Always with the tormented gay character. Come on, we really can do better these days. This isn't the 90s any more where we just lap up any old tosh because of 'representation'. Needs a better script, more believable characters and a stronger base. How did this film even get made?

Look, I like a gay rom-com featuring a plus-size guy in the lead as much as anyone, but why, oh, why does that character have to be so annoying?

What's even more annoying than the character is the fact that the guy who plays him also wrote and directed the movie. I guess if you're gonna write a movie to star yourself, it might as well be a fantasy in which you land the hot guy no matter how much of a loser you are.

Writer-director-actor Max Talisman plays Zach, who after being dumped by one hottie, immediately meets-cute with another (well as cute as ordering and downing a drink you know you can't pay for can be) - coincidentally also named Zach (Joey Pollari) - and, despite many complications, ends landing him after serenading him at his sister's high school prom.

Don't ask.

While the script has a few nice moments, and some veteran actors have a few nice moments, too (Eric Roberts, Barbara Barrie), it's tough to get past the protagonist being a wastrel/jerk.

It's not that wastrels don't deserve to find love (I still hope to some day), it's just that I don't need to sit in a theater and watch it.

Neither do you.

The guy who wrote it and directed it also cast himself. Its like a gay remake of "The Room". The acting from the cast and more seasoned avtors is OK. The pacing and writing its completely contrived and moves too fast making no sense. The worst part about the movie is the lead...somebody should have told the writer/director to take a step back and hire a real actor for the main role. Hard not to feel a more charming plus size actor could have made this movie work like Tyler Labine or Salvatore Esposito but we're stuck with this absolutely obnoxious person who shouted his way through the movie. Absolutely awful.