Logistics

After buying popcorn,snacks and enough fizzy pop to last me the 857 hours runtime, I sat in my favourite chair and switched on this epic tale of high sea adventures. From the outset I knew this was gonna be good. The high speed lorry chase to the port was something like out of fast and furious! Luckily things calmed down once the ship was loaded and I was able to eat my chocolate snack in a more subdued easy going scene of sea life. After day 26 I decided I best go back to work as my boss was giving me grief, but luckily he let me carry on watching while driving my taxi around town. I did notice my family wasn't to pleased about me watching logistics all the time, and they found Christmas TV in the house a little boring. But by this stage I didn't care, I just needed to know what was going to happen next!

So let's cut to the chase, this film is a non stop ship sailing classic and deserves a new cinema release. My only negative is the end was a little underwhelming and there was no Dolby atmos soundtrack. Hopefully that will be on a 4k release at some point. Find time in your life and watch this, you won't be disappointed.

Okay, so Logistics isn't really a "movie" in the traditional sense. It's 35 days long (yes, DAYS), and it makes The Irishman feel like a TikTok. The premise? You follow the production journey of a pedometer in real time, starting from a store in Sweden and working its way back to a factory in China. Sounds kinda cool, right? Well, buckle up, because this isn't a fast-paced documentary-it's an unfiltered marathon of cargo ships, trucks, and factories doing their thing.

Here's the deal: if you love logistics, supply chains, or just want to say you experienced the world's longest movie, this is your jam. Watching it feels like meditation... or punishment, depending on your patience. It's slow, monotonous, and weirdly hypnotic at times. Like, I caught myself watching a freight ship for 45 minutes and thought, "Huh, this is kind of beautiful."

But let's be real: no one's watching all 857 hours of this. It's more about appreciating the concept. It's a statement on modern consumption, global trade, and how little we think about the stuff we buy. Or maybe it's just proof that the Swedes have a wild sense of humor.

There is something almost religious about the suffering Logistics inflicts. A film spanning 35 days and 17 hours, it charts the life of a pedometer, moving backwards through its manufacturing process, in real time. No cuts. No score. No dialogue. Just the unbroken, slow hemorrhage of all hope.

By the third day of footage showing a nameless port under a gray Scandinavian sky, the viewer begins to feel their soul peeling away from their body like damp wallpaper. By the eighth day, the human concept of "story" feels quaint, like remembering a childhood imaginary friend you now realize was just a patch of mold on your bedroom ceiling. By day twenty, you are a husk, an ambulatory vessel for pure, undiluted boredom. And still, still the pedometer waits on a pallet somewhere in Shenzhen, unmoving, as you scream silently inside your mind.

And here lies the greatest betrayal: Logistics had the chance - the sacred, golden chance - to save itself, to ascend beyond mere psychological torture and into the realm of deranged genius.

It needed 800 additional hours of Tom Cruise sitting in a chair.

Nothing else.

No dialogue. No action scenes. Just Cruise. Waiting. Smiling faintly. Maybe vibrating slightly, like an unstable isotope about to explode.

Imagine it: Tom Cruise, seated in a succession of increasingly absurd chairs - a Louis XIV throne, a crusty lawn chair, a collapsed cardboard box - each time staring straight ahead, eyes wide, a bead of sweat gathering on his temple, a man who was built to run forced to sit absolutely still. For 800 hours. Eight. Hundred. Hours.

It would have been a meditation on mania. A portrait of entropy itself. A comment on celebrity, futility, and the eternal human itch to move even when there is nowhere left to go.

But no.

Instead, Logistics chooses cowardice. It offers only endless conveyor belts, cargo holds, and soul-mangling vistas of empty industrial lots. No Cruise. No defiance. No acknowledgement that we, the audience, deserve something - anything - beyond the sadistic act of being made to watch a pedometer travel the world slower than continental drift.

Watching Logistics is not like experiencing life.

It is like experiencing death - in real time.

And worse, it's a death without Tom Cruise sitting tensely in a chair nearby, his entire being radiating the agonized need to jump up and sprint in circles.

This omission is not just a misstep.

It is a crime against art, against film, and against the fundamental human yearning for something, anything, to happen.

If you must watch Logistics, bring a mirror and stare into your own reflection for the duration.

You'll see your features age in real time.

You'll see the precise moment your spirit gives up.

And you'll know: this could have all been better if Tom Cruise had just been allowed to sit there.

Burning.

Waiting.

Doing nothing, but meaning everything.

This is the scariest movie I have ever watched it horrifies me to this day. I love the part when Chuck Norris emerges out of the ocean and flips the boat with his pinky toe but my second favorite part was definitely when the mermaids came out of the water to fight chuck norris it was so scary this movie is not for the weak this movie is for the strong and brave if you ever want to watch this be warned it is terrifying. Don't ever watch this before going to bed or you won't be able to go to bed for the next 100 days. I'm telling you before you watch it don't you'll be horrified.

Ps this is a joke.

A movie about klania bossikan, in reverse, it is quite lengthy but worth it nonetheless, I'm reviewing this at around 220 hours , I think of it as episodic and watch some of it each day.