She Walks the Woods

I love terrible horror movies, but this one was hard to watch.

Yet again, we have a film that seems to only have positive reviews for it. I just watched it , and can categorically state that anything over two stars for this POS is hyperbole.

This is no Blair Witch. It's not even a decent found footage film. It's 90% padding, where people with dismal acting talent try and ad-lib a set-up that's bereft of any meaningful characterisation, exposition, etc. It's just filler, nothing more. It's a tropes' trope.

There's no payoff worthy of staying awake for. If you make it to the end without skipping, I applaud you. If you *do* watch it all through, you may notice the illogic, like how seemingly terrified people fighting for their lives suddenly branch into scripted comedy, duelling with barbed quips that someone obviously thought was hilarious when writing it. (At that point I preferred the dreadful ad-lib.) Or like how a creature that is intimately aware of the territory hasn't already hunted down the family who own a holiday home there. Or...THAT ending. Oh geeze. Someone thought it was a good twist? Well, y'see, when telling a story, you can make ANY kind of twist you want. You can make it reveal that it's all a dream, or that everyone is made of jelly. Doesn't make it good, or proffer any advancement of quality to the work. But what am I saying? The people who made this have no concept of quality. It's a by-the-numbers, my-first-movie/script/acting job, and it reeks of its' own dismal ineptitude.

AVOID!!

The rating is way too high on this film, this is what I might call a 3.8. The first hour is filled with pointless footage that just keeps going. The acting is poor and these "Expert Survivalist" just are not very convincing. Felt like I wasted my time watching this. I should have taken a clue from the first couple min in that this would be poor.

I want to be fair and say that I actually liked the monster design, considering this couldn't have had much of a budget.

Sadly, there is another hour and a half of movie surrounding said monster which I was not as fond of. The cast acts like they're graduating middle school rather than fully grown adults-- good Lord, the way they talk about the female lead almost made me quit in the first ten minutes. There's little attempts at building suspense, other than the stock monster sound effects that were already overused a decade ago.

It's rough, but not in the fun, promising way where you can see the film maker's ideas shining through. The quintessential uninspired found footage movie to be dumped on streaming services and then forgotten about.

There is the creep, who thinks he is the ultimate cool guy (shaved head?); the smart nice guy, that makes you wonder "how did end up in this group? and the one in the middle. You wait and wait and wait, 1/2 way through the movie you finally get to hear something strange, asides from the stupid, juvenile banter. As in: I gotta pee; did you do her; you always drop ice on the floor (not kidding),etc. By the time the action started, all I could think was "hope bald, 10 year old, ends up DEAD". Blair Witch Project was filmed by a group of unexperience people, WITH BRAINS, and became a cult classic. I was there for the first screening. This one is a lousy brainless mess. The actor playing the nice guy deserved better. Trying to remake cult classics is a huge mistake in most cases, because most fail. I can count on the fingers of one hand, the lost footage movies that got it right. And, I have been watching horror movies since Romero's 1968 "There coming to get you, Barbara.