Der Fluch der reitenden Leichen - Die Rückkehr der Tempelritter

I was drawn like a moth to a flame (or a fly to...something) to the Italian production Curse of the Blind Dead. It opens in the 14th century (presumably as the filmmakers aren't big on details) with five Templar knights preparing to sacrifice a baby. They are stopped by some villagers and the world's best Christian fighters are captured without putting up a fight. Hell, they don't even draw their swords. They are blinded and then burned at the stake. Fastforward several millenniums and the world is now recovering from a nuclear war (showcased by a big green forest). Sheriff's deputy Rick Grimes...er, Michael (Aaron Stielstra) and his daughter Lily (Alice Zanini) are wandering around aimlessly, apparently searching for "Paradise" that they hear about from a radio signal (again, I was forced to suss this info out on my own). They are attacked by some marauders and saved by followers of a religious order led by Maestro Abel (Bill Hutchens). Of course, cinema law dictates any benevolent group is really looking to kill you and sure enough Abel wants to do the whole baby sacrificing ceremony again for the now zombified Knights Templar. Wait? How are these guys back? No idea. They just are because "the ancient prophecy" says so.

The sightless Knights Templar zombies that graced Amando de Ossorio's four Spanish films have always been one of the more unique takes on the undead subgenre. So much so that I thought the concept would be great for a revisit. But this ain't it. I am always baffled how films like this exist. How do you get through writing a script, scouting locations, assembling a crew and cast and then deliver something so flat? To quote the paramedic from Return of the Living Dead (1985), this thing has "no blood pressure, no pulse." It is so maddeningly boring that I almost wanted to pluck out my own eyes. It is the kind of film where nearly everyone in the post-apoc world has normal clothes and nice haircuts with trimmed beards. The kind of film where a guy gruesomely severs his own thumb to get out of some handcuffs and then it doesn't bother him after that. The kind of film that casts Italian action legend Fabio Testi and gives him one line. The kind of film where the director has a POV shot for one of the blind zombies (he will probably say he was trying to convey their "hearing" sight, but I ain't buying that, chief). There is some gore but I swear the masks for the blind dead guys are just refurbished Darkman masks. This feature opens with the Uncork'd logo and, honestly, that is the perfect home for something like this dreck. The only remotely interesting thing about this film is now I will spend the next few days wondering if this was better or worse than the Blind Dead knockoff that had a Knight having sex with a busty blonde on the cover.

If you like over the top gore with ridiculous cartoon like acting and the supposed hero who does nothing but make things worse this is 2 hours you will enjoy. If you were looking for a movie with an actual plot with compelling characters you want to root for this is not in any way that. Avoid this nonsense.

Curse of the Blind Dead is about what you would expect from a Blind Dead movie, not much on plot but with a decent amount of atmosphere and gore. The plot begins like some of the previous entries with the Knights Templar getting ready to perform a satanic ritual only to be stopped, blinded, and executed. The movie then transitions to the main story, which in this case is a post apocalyptic tale of a father trying to protect his pregnant daughter from scavengers and a cult that wants to sacrafice her child to the undead knights.

What I liked about this movie is that it moves at a brisk pace, the effects work on the Knights, and the gore. The Knights in particular look pretty good and it's a nice update to their look. The setting is also interesting enough, though it does feel like not enough was done with it.

If there is one thing I've learned from Blind Dead movies it's that it's never been big on story or acting, and in this regards the movie fits right in. The story is predictable, and the acting is pretty campy. Where the movie faulters though is that it doesn't capture the haunting feel when the Knights are on screen. The previous films used slow motion to give the Knights a very haunting feel, it's part of what made these movies stand out. This movie only does this once, and while it was nice to see again, it didn't capture that haunting feel.

Overall Curse of the Blind Dead is a middle of the road horror film. It's not awful, but it's also not great either. Blind Dead fans may dig it, or fans of campy movies.

The movie is slow, very slow. It takes almost an hour for the "zombies" to show. Until then you are subjected to ridiculous acting and story that makes little sense. The gore is good but the Templar costumes are not. How is it the "zombies" looked better in the original Blind Dead movies?

A film full of nonsense screaming almost all of the runtime.