Marriage Story

If you want a feel-good flick, I strongly advise you to reconsider watching "Marriage Story". I am NOT saying it's a bad film, in fact, it's amazingly good. But it's also amazingly realistic....and painful to watch due to the subject matter.

The story is an ultra-realistic story about a marriage that is dissolving...and it's painful because the viewer really grows to like Charlie (Adam Driver) and Nicole (Scarlett Johansson). Like real life, neither character is totally bad and you understand both of their positions during the divorce....but it also is very ugly and awful to see what happens when lawyers get involved. Instead of the amicable divorce they both originally agreed to, it soon becomes ugly....and the pair and their devilish lawyers begin going at each other like pitbulls on a side of beef! Again...this is NOT a criticism...it's realistic and heart-wrenching to watch. I found myself crying during some of the ugliest scenes....and I am sure I wasn't alone in the theater!

Overall, you see Johansson and Driver put on some amazing performances....so amazing that I'd be shocked if they aren't at least Oscar-nominated for this film. Well done in every way...and one of the better movies of 2019.

Surely this must have drawn heavily from writer/director Baumbach's own experiences. He was married to Jennifer Jason Leigh and they have one son, plus before they divorced in 2013 he began a relationship with Greta Gerwig in 2011. So he probably lived much of what is depicted here.

The two principals, Adam Driver as Brooklyn stage director Charlie Barber and Scarlett Johansson as actress Nicole Barber, are superb in their roles. While it seemed like they were happily married for 10-odd years, with an 8-yr-old son, Nicole began to more and more feel that her own desires were being ignored while as a married couple they always did what Charlie wanted. When she gets an opportunity to take a TV role in Los Angeles she also decides that it is the right time for the two of them to split up. Charlie is blindsided.

It is often a hard story to watch because even to the end it is clear that, in spite of the required animosities during divorce proceedings, Nicole and Charlie have a bond and care deeply for each other.

My wife and I (both having gone through divorces of our own years ago) watched this on DVD from our public library.

Marriage Story directed by Noah Baumbach is an extremely well observed portrayal of two people who once loved each other and are now going through the painfull and ugly process of separation and divorce with a son torn between them.

Thanks to the great script this process is shown in an impartial way where both sides are relatable. The acting by Driver and Johansson is phenomenal and arguably the best i have seen this year. They are nailing the quiet moments as well as the loud.

I only had some minor issues with the movie. I think some of the side characters like Charlies lawyer and some of the people working at the theater are stereotyped. Also the humor felt sometimes forced and out of place.

Marriage Story is a pretty great movie and one of the best of 2019. If Ingmar Bergman is too bleak for you and Woody Allen too quirky, this movie sits right between them and you will love it.

Although every story is individual, the film captures a couple of important general realities about the state of modern divorce:

1) Many divorces shouldn't happen and that includes this divorce as it was portrayed.

The couple had plenty of regard for each other which was demonstrated in several portrayed interactions between them. The divorce appears to be mostly motivated by their differing professional aspirations. No matter how justified these may have been, in my moral judgment they should have been secondary to providing a stable home for their child. Perhaps the saddest aspect of our modern society is that many of us fail to realize that life is best experienced by subjugating our own needs to those around us, most particularly within our immediate family and even more particularly to our minor children. This form of narcissism seems more prevalent in show business where successful careers depend on self promotion and that may explain why people in that occupation appear to divorce at a higher rate.

2) Our legal system exacerbates the divorce experience for those who have assets

In most cases at the time that the decision to divorce is made, the ensuing pain is underestimated by the couple. Rather than the anticipated experience of freedom and removal of a burden, the loss of companionship causes considerable pain and grief which is most often redirected as anger toward the other spouse. If the couple have assets and hire attorneys, it is in the financial interest of the legal professionals who are billing hourly to take advantage of this acrimony. Many family law lawyers are like the Alan Alda character in the film and do their best to address the emotional needs of their clients despite this financial reality but there are others who do not. Too often divorces cause huge financial pain for both parties.

Never has a depiction of tying shoelaces made me so emotional. This film was an incredibly realistic depiction of divorce and the extreme toll it can take on both parties. Simultaneously an exhausting film it is also very humorous and true. Both of the main actors gave the most amazing performances. Although everyone wants a happy ending, life seldom works out in the way hoped for. This film gets dark but there is a bright yet stunted light at the end of the tunnel. Neither wife nor husband get what they had ultimately wanted yet they both are content. There is a strange serenity that sets in at the end of the film. Nothing can be perfect, but with enough effort, everything can be enough.