Marriage Story

I didn't expect this to mirror how my ex wife and I had to go through the stages of divorce so accurately. My son was only 2 when we were divorced and all of the ups and downs and petty fights and anger that we had for each other was exhausting but we went through it all just to fight for him, who we both love more than anything. We said horrible things to each other we can never take back but we didn't really mean and we both eventually found a way to make it work for him and to protect him from the ugliness. We made it through to the other side and have a good relationship now and work as a team to raise him with love and support but it was a long road out of hell to get there. This movie portrayed that in a way I would never have expected. It made me cry numerous times thinking of how hopeless and angry I was for so long and in that I feel like this movie deserves every accolade it gets. It felt genuine and painful but with hope at the end. It's real and powerful.

Although every story is individual, the film captures a couple of important general realities about the state of modern divorce:

1) Many divorces shouldn't happen and that includes this divorce as it was portrayed.

The couple had plenty of regard for each other which was demonstrated in several portrayed interactions between them. The divorce appears to be mostly motivated by their differing professional aspirations. No matter how justified these may have been, in my moral judgment they should have been secondary to providing a stable home for their child. Perhaps the saddest aspect of our modern society is that many of us fail to realize that life is best experienced by subjugating our own needs to those around us, most particularly within our immediate family and even more particularly to our minor children. This form of narcissism seems more prevalent in show business where successful careers depend on self promotion and that may explain why people in that occupation appear to divorce at a higher rate.

2) Our legal system exacerbates the divorce experience for those who have assets

In most cases at the time that the decision to divorce is made, the ensuing pain is underestimated by the couple. Rather than the anticipated experience of freedom and removal of a burden, the loss of companionship causes considerable pain and grief which is most often redirected as anger toward the other spouse. If the couple have assets and hire attorneys, it is in the financial interest of the legal professionals who are billing hourly to take advantage of this acrimony. Many family law lawyers are like the Alan Alda character in the film and do their best to address the emotional needs of their clients despite this financial reality but there are others who do not. Too often divorces cause huge financial pain for both parties.

Surely this must have drawn heavily from writer/director Baumbach's own experiences. He was married to Jennifer Jason Leigh and they have one son, plus before they divorced in 2013 he began a relationship with Greta Gerwig in 2011. So he probably lived much of what is depicted here.

The two principals, Adam Driver as Brooklyn stage director Charlie Barber and Scarlett Johansson as actress Nicole Barber, are superb in their roles. While it seemed like they were happily married for 10-odd years, with an 8-yr-old son, Nicole began to more and more feel that her own desires were being ignored while as a married couple they always did what Charlie wanted. When she gets an opportunity to take a TV role in Los Angeles she also decides that it is the right time for the two of them to split up. Charlie is blindsided.

It is often a hard story to watch because even to the end it is clear that, in spite of the required animosities during divorce proceedings, Nicole and Charlie have a bond and care deeply for each other.

My wife and I (both having gone through divorces of our own years ago) watched this on DVD from our public library.

If you want a feel-good flick, I strongly advise you to reconsider watching "Marriage Story". I am NOT saying it's a bad film, in fact, it's amazingly good. But it's also amazingly realistic....and painful to watch due to the subject matter.

The story is an ultra-realistic story about a marriage that is dissolving...and it's painful because the viewer really grows to like Charlie (Adam Driver) and Nicole (Scarlett Johansson). Like real life, neither character is totally bad and you understand both of their positions during the divorce....but it also is very ugly and awful to see what happens when lawyers get involved. Instead of the amicable divorce they both originally agreed to, it soon becomes ugly....and the pair and their devilish lawyers begin going at each other like pitbulls on a side of beef! Again...this is NOT a criticism...it's realistic and heart-wrenching to watch. I found myself crying during some of the ugliest scenes....and I am sure I wasn't alone in the theater!

Overall, you see Johansson and Driver put on some amazing performances....so amazing that I'd be shocked if they aren't at least Oscar-nominated for this film. Well done in every way...and one of the better movies of 2019.

It is refreshing to see a film that can both warmly respect and ruthlessly dissect the institution of marriage. While every marriage is unique, there are universal scenarios that can signal their demise. Two of these are central to Marriage Story (2019): the film forensically examines what happens when one partner's ego swallows another, then shows the destructive force that is unleashed when lawyers come between otherwise still-caring partners.

The storyline is simple, linear, and dialogue-heavy. In the opening minutes we see respected theatre director Charlie (Adam Driver) and his increasingly successful actress wife Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) in the middle of a marital mediation session. He is opening a new play on Broadway while she will be taking their young son to Los Angeles to star in a TV pilot. The session stalls despite their obvious regard for each other and their commitment to avoid lawyers in a marriage split.

Classic marital tension lines become palpably clear. Charlie and Nicole met when he was a high-profile director and she a theatre novice, and this imbalance of egos remain embedded in all aspects of their relationship. Although a loving father, the self-absorbed Charlie had an affair which is now being weaponised as she asserts her identity and needs. She decides to engage a lawyer forcing him to follow suit or lose custody of their young son; the communication drawbridge is pulled up as the lawyers amplify every marital issue into a war cry on an ever more blood-splattered battlefield.

Nothing new here, you might say, except for two bright lights in a dark place: Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson. He is perfect in playing the broad faced deer-in-the-spotlight hapless male, confused over his marital and parental mess-ups...but he sings a beautiful song. She is brilliant in playing a wife no longer willing to be invisible despite still loving the man she married. An ensemble of lawyers include a benignly caring advisor (Alan Alda) and ruthless warriors who take no prisoners (Laura Dern and Ray Liotta).

You don't need to be a divorce voyeur to find this well-trodden story highly absorbing, mostly because the two stars make it hard to take sides. Charlie's weaknesses are not unforgiveable and his love for his son and wife continue. Nicole has a right to her own independent future but still feels strongly about him. If lawyers were not involved, things could be very different. Marriage Story is an insightful, witty, and sad portrait of how easily a marital fairytale can turn to a nightmare.