Wer wir sind und wer wir waren

I think it was the accent (or something) but Annette Bening's vocal scenes were terrible and very off-putting. She reminded me of Maggie Gyllenhaal in that TV series a few years back (The Honourable Woman). The accent was very affected; like an American taught them the way they think an English person speaks. But in Honourable Woman, the accent seems to be more suited to the role. Not in this movie. Overall it was okay, but Annette Bening's accent was hard to overlook.

This is an English movie, set and filmed in the small city of Seaford, on the coast almost directly south of London. Just east of town are some white limestone cliffs and a spot there is called "Hope Gap", thus the title of the movie. It is a place the couple and their young son, now an adult, would often go, being a short walk up a hill from town.

Annette Bening, using the best British accent she can muster, is Grace and always reliable Bill Nighy is her husband of 29 years, Edward. He is quiet and non-confrontational, she is just the opposite and can easily be overbearing. Now an issue that has been building for some time, over a year, is coming to a head.

This is a good movie, perhaps my wife and I appreciate it more because we are of ages similar to theirs, and we have been married 28 1/2 years. You get into a routine, you know what each other likes and what each other's habits are. You don't really discuss "how is the relationship going?"

It isn't really amplified in the story but they mention that the two met 30 years earlier when he got onto the wrong train, often two single people will take that as an omen, "Fate brought us together." But that kind of thinking is dangerous and no substitute for getting to know someone really well before you decide that will be your partner for life. It looks like Grace and Edward would have each been happier if they had never met. Then pity the poor son who would never have existed!

We watched this at home on DVD from our public library.

Two great actors in Annette Bening and Bill Nighy take us through the breakdown of a marriage. Not wonderful subject matter and some may argue that there may be better ways to wile away an hour and a half, but it is portrayed very well. I love Bill Nighy in everything, and even though I don't necessarily like his character here, he does it with aplomb.

Having been married for about the same time as the couple portrayed here it was interesting to see what both had done wrong, or could have done better to preserve their marriage. Some reviewers have blamed the wife but I think that's unfair. Perhaps my one reservation is that there was a subtle message running through it that if the husband, his lover and the son could move on and be happy, then so should the wife. That's a bit harsh as I'm sure many jilted wives would attest.

Feel sorry for the writer and director who evidently based this on his own parent's breakup. Interestingly, writing this now as the pandemic wreaks havoc around the world it is interesting to see that marriages are another victim of the virus. Too many couples having grown apart, and then forced to be together, have found the situation unbearable. How sad.

The plot is pretty powerful. It tells how a woman is in denial about her marriage. Annette Bening just delivers a wonderful performance that makes you care about her. The scenery of coastal Britain is very beautiful too. This film is a good watch.

I once sat in a bar with my ex-girlfriend and Carly Simon's 'You're So Vain" came on the jukebox. "This song reminds me of you." she said. "I'm guilty of lots of things, but vanity isn't one of them." "No, you're not vain. It's a line in the song. Listen, see if you know which one..." ""You gave away the things you love and one of them was me."" "Yes." It's one of the saddest things anyone has ever said to me. But it wasn't true. She pushed me away, and I left.

The film is an honest, quiet, devastating story of the sort of love many people experience. The regrettable sort. People can live without the respect of others, but when that disrespect starts to erode your own self-respect, you need to leave. Some of us should never fall in love.

A decent film with good performances from all. The ending is lovely.