White Men Can't Jump

I will say up front I didn't see the entire movie. I watched for 40 minutes and I had to turn it off! TOTALLY depressing movie. No fun, no excitement, just two lousy, bum dudes talking a lot of crap.

The first WMCJ was fun, had great realistic basketball action, romantic and sad all at the same time. It was a great movie from the opening scene until the end. This here, don't waste your time! Neither dude looks or moves like a baller. ESPECIALLY the black dude! He was so mis-cast in this movie. All he does is snarl, frown and be depressed. And he is the FURTHEST thing from a baller you could find. He's really not that good of an actor. I've seen him in other stuff and same role. Always a jerk. Nothing likeable about him at all. Together they have no chemistry and they definitely aren't funny like Woody & Wesley. The movie just went nowhere and I found zero joy in the 40 min I watched.

I'm sure most people will give it a watch based on the original but you'll see...

SKIP!

Here is a charmless remake that has the same ideas and characters as the original, but none of the energy. Director Calmatic's idea of a sports film is to put a rap soundtrack on and show us poorly shot and edited basketball scenes that are tedious to follow and care.

There are lots of rambling in this movie. This is not neccessarily a complaint. There are lots and lots of trashtalk in the original White Men Can't Jump too, except those are brought with wit and delivered by actors that know how to act intimidating and over-confident. The actors here are as flat as a cardboard. Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrellson are way out of Sinqua Walls and Jack Harlow's league.

So the story involves Harlow and Walls teaming up to play basketball. That's about it for the movie's depth in storytelling. The screenplay here has barely any emotional engagement. In the climax of the movie, in what was supposedly the high point of the movie, I felt nothing. Any other viewer will not feel anything. Not even our characters look like they felt anything. It's all a lazy string of basketball montages and dialogue so monotonous and uninteresting that it plays like a conversation you are stuck in and want to get out of.

This is a movie that thinks it has really cool vibe but is just a slog. Calmatic's previous film is House Party, another remake of a (somewhat) classic. Maybe it is time for him to work with material that are at least original. Maybe remakes like this shouldn't exist for the best.

If you've seen the original, seriously, don't waste your time. It doesn't come close!

The best thing about this was Andrew Schulz and a few of the jokes scattered throughout the film.

To be honest this misses the mark and is just an average film, I know they had to change it up compared to the original, modernise it etcetera and they did that well, although in an annoying way, in my opinion, but I'm old enough to remember the original lol...

Which is a classic and still stands up today, there was no reason for a remake. This is just an average streaming film about basketball.

I'm trying to be vague here to avoid spoilers, but it feels like there's none of the ICONIC moments from the original, a lot of content and story missed out. It doesn't even feel like it's about the 2 of them, one is an extra in the others story and now the title doesn't even make sense...

Some okay acting performances and some of the soundtrack was alright I have to admit, but other than that nothing stands out.

The original is streaming for free as well, personally I feel like I've wasted an hour and a half odd, when I could have just watched the original, but I had to find out for myself since I'm a huge Schulz fan and he's mentioned it on Flagrant.

5/10 bang average streaming film, the funny moments saved it from being lower than that!

First of all, selling this as a remake of a sensational film is a bad move. If you're not at least almost as good, you've already lost. But yeah, you probably get more views that way.

On its own, the film is OK. It's about basketball, after all, and it has one or two good scenes, such as Lance Reddick in the hospital. A 5 seems to be a fair rating to me.

In general, though, it's a good look at what's been lost in recent years. Microwave food instead of a home-cooked meal. Off-the-shelf goods instead of natural chemistry. Probably the zeitgeist of the decade. Maybe even Wesley and Woody wouldn't be able to make a film like the original WMCJ in 2023.

Where to begin? If this movie was "stand alone" it would be maybe a 3.5 star worthy made for tv movie. It could do little to be any more different from the classic Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson film. The two similarities are that, basketball is a theme, and one white character and one black character. Aside from that, they are not similar. It seems like the studio was so excited to license the title that they forgot to hire someone to write a script. They could have ripped the old script verbatim and it probably would have been better. Andrew Schulz' character may be the only watchable performance. That is not to say that all the acting was bad, but the plot and development would have made it impossible for a main character to stand out. Lance Reddick would be ashamed to have it dedicated to him. What a barely watchable pile of Hollywood money grab excrement.