Mountain Life

Been watching all Season. 2017 back to back. A lot more negatives than positives. I like the beautiful mountains but most of the houses are the opposite of beautiful (as are the women) and the women are aggravating me with their nonstop yapping "I don't like the carpet, I don't like the kitchen, it's too small! Only 1 bathroom sink??" OH yeah?? How about we ship you off to rural Russia, see how you like it there, you entitled bee on a yacht!?

The women complain a lot so I shall return the favor. One of my thus complaints is WHY are the couples seemingly forced to buy a house out 3 disasters?? Why can't they say "show me 6 more?" Why do they have to choose one? Can't they show them 12 and edit it down to 3 beautiful houses? But nope. Do they get paid to get a house?? Sometimes they buy the plot. Oftentimes they buy one they didn't want.

Seriously if I hear one more dumb broad gush about the "open space", the "skylights" or the wood floors, I'mma do sumfin not good! These fools rave about everything I hate in a house. THEY are the sheep who copycat each other, and the reason it's near impossible to find a good, cozy American home. Because of these HGTV wenches removing comfort, coziness & destroying houses across the USA!

I like that it's mountains cos I can't stand houses near bodies of water. YUCK! (And that includes pools!) Unsightly, dangerous, impractical, enjoy the salt erosion and the mold! I love the mountains and the forest, so I enjoy watching the nice locales. Most of the houses are terrible. The clashing colors. The bad "granite" in dreadful hues. The idiot open spaces, the vertiginous stairs: you look down and you're smack hurling downstairs cos there's nothing to catch you (or your 4 year old!) And how about those bedrooms without doors, that are like a loft, yet aren't, give on the stairs and the drop-down space. No thanks! And if i hear one more dumb wench say "my kids"... UGH!!!

On top of that, women don't cook at least not in USA so what do they care about the kitchen? To get the Uber pizza or MacDonald's delivery you need a huge kitchen? They can't even boil water to make pasta, LOL! So enough of the "I can't put 27 people in my kitchen!" Aw, pipe down, you tool! That's why Americans have the worst kitchens compared to what they got in Europe. Their kitchens have DOORS! They are enclosed spaces, as they oughta be to trap the stench of cooking, the grease, the oils, the spices, the flying VOC and to HIDE your mess. You close the door, you can rest and come back and clean much later. Or go to sleep, do it in the AM. But nope. Show the world your mess, waft the stench to your bedroom, forced to clean right away or waft decaying food debris. Blooming bleeps!

Finally...the mismatched couples. We all know what a woman is doing with a very unhandsome man (MONEY!!!!) but... for the life of me... what possesses those decent looking men to couple up with the Picasso females?? There was one woman who had the worst haircut on the planet. A Karen cut except she had black hair. That was the Colleen & Scott duo in Aspen. That face. My eyes! This dude could have been with a pretty or at least much better-looking woman with a more pleasant personality. Hello! He has MONEY! He's buying her a house. HER?!? WHY be with THAT when you could have a cutie?? So mismatched. The homelies of the world watch that and be all like "That's all the face you need to nab a rich man?? Well, hold my beer!" 6/10 Enjoyment of the mountains would give it a 7/10 but the women are way too annoying with their nonstop chatter in high-pitched voices. And the lack of carpet & open disassters deserves minus 5. UGH!